truth.

i'm not the easiest person to love.

contentment.

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Philippians 4:11-13

how long did it take paul
to be content with what he has?
how much does it take
for us to know that its good enough?

we humans, nvr really get quite satisfied huh?
we always want more.
we always look on the other side of the lawn.
we always want what we can't haf.

paul mentions that he'd found
the recipe for being happy irregardless!
what recipe is he talking abt,
i would think its more than just a metaphor.

he'd reconciled with the fact that,
whatever he has, its God given.
whatever he doesn't haf, its God's will.
there's nothing much to envy abt.

he'd also reconciled wif the fact that,
all the plans God has for him,
its to prosper him and not to harm him.
as very commonly remembered in Jeremiah 29:11..

only if we truly believe that
God's plans for us are sovereign.
even if we go to bed hungry,
there must be something God wants to teach us.

even if we don't haf someone to hold,
there must be something to learn.
even if we don't haf the wealth,
there must be something to learn from it.

God will not hold something good from us.
what good is there if He gives you food,
and you be too greedy and complacent?
which is better? grace or grain?

what good is there if He gives you someone to hold,
and you worship him/her instead of God?
and the relationship that may robs your time from Him.
which is better? trust or lust?

what good is there if He gives you millions of dollars,
and all you'd ever want is more?
an insatiable thirst that doesn't need God anymore.
which is better? God or gawd?

there are reasons why God doesn't give us
certain things that we think we need immediately.
simply coz He knows more than us,
He knows what we'll become if we haf that now!

sometimes, it just calls for us to wait.
when we're mature enough.
we will haf it,
our heart's desires will be honoured if we honour Him!

its just like an atm card.
we all haf bank accounts when we're young,
but we're only lacking the card.
which many of us would refute that its essential!

but our parents will only give it to us,
if they think we're accountable enough
that we're 'ready' to save and spend as we deem fit.
what will they lose if they give us the card?

but if they give us the card when we're 12,
more likely than not.
they'll not only lose money,
but consequently, lose a child as well..

so let's trust God to know what's best.
someday He'll give it to us,
when He thinks we're ready,
what He promised us will be worth much more!

be content wif what you haf now,
in fact, learn all you can during dis 'null' period.
and when you're ready,
be more than satisfied when He blesses your desires!

study?

i chanced upon dis on my friend's nick.

study = no fail
no study = fail
study + no study = fail + no fail
study (no + 1) = fail (1 + no)
therefore, study = fail

HAHAHAHA!

overwhelmed.

i'd been so caught up.
so caught up in so many things that
sapped so much of my brain and time.
i'm almost lost..

my dad had ran into a little bit of trouble,
and me having been slightly 'legally exposed',
my dad asked me if there can be anything done
in the eyes of law or public policies..

and so i requested for the relevant documents
and i read and read and read.
at the same time,
looking for prejudices that can be held in our favour.

and work for me had been crazy.
really crazy..
everday, i only go to the toilet once.
and that's during lunch time!

i'm stretched to my limits everyday.
working hard is nothing much,
but when you see each and every inch of your hardwork
being credited to someone else' name.

somehow, i just felt..
insignificant.
the work that i do, time that i spent
files that i'm drowned in.

somehow i really felt that
all these work are meaningless.
yet i really can't just 'don't bother',
i still put in my best.

in fear that if i make any mistakes,
it'll make my colleagues look bad.
so i ought to upkeep perfection,
afterall, they trusted me.

and the whole past 3 days,
i'd been psyching myself.
only God sees,
only God knows.

today, when i was up again at work.
i told myself, i need some time for myself!
and i pushed the volumnous files aside,
and i wanna blog!

so here i am,
blogging!
and as i flipped my daily devotion,
and there lies the word of my best Friend.

"Do you see a man skilled in his work?
He will stand before kings;
He will not stand before obsure men."
- Proverbs 22:29

you know what that meant to me,
it means God really still sees.
God acknowledges hardwork..
work that are often toiled in the background!

so my friends,
if you feel that you're misunderstood,
if you feel that you're slighted in your deeds,
God sees, God honours!

what good shall men's compliments be?
is it not but temporary.
even if you spent hours at it,
a compliment only last for a min, and forgotten the next!

but be encouraged,
coz God's honour is of eternal value.
He knows, my friends, He knows!
and He will bless you in His own sweet time.

somehow, i felt that dis is what its gonna be like
if i were to be enrolled into law school.
tonnes of readings and writing,
where will there be time for Him?

do i really want it?
does God really want me to do it?
i told Him no matter what,
i will and shall not compromise on the time wif Him!

even dis wk,
i OT-ed everyday.
and when i get home,
all i wanna do and did was to read His word.

that was and will be my quantum of solace,
something which cannot be found anywhere else,
except in my still heart,
on my super hard bed..

even if it requires me to slp later,
i will seek and rejoice in His promises.
even if it requires me to wake up earlier,
i will intercede and go before Him everyday!

that is my vow to You, my Lord.
wherever You plant me this year,
i will not compromise on my time wif You.
i will not let sleep or rest or fun take Your place..

if anything had to go,
let that be blogging, msning, reading 'fortune'.
if anything had to be exchanged,
let that be my sleep, not You!

for i live for You.
and i live to seek Your face.
for i seek to love You,
and i love to seek Your face!

Lord Jesus, be blessed today!
be blessed everyday,
for i wanna give You my all,
for that is what You've given me at first!

what's left.

Dear God,
please take whatever that's left of me.
break my heart for what breaks Yours.
everything i am, for Your Kingdom's cause!

hunger pangs.

its truly amazing how God speaks?
sometimes you really really
just cannot anticipate
which way He's coming from!

anw, as i was queuing up for lunch just now
i saw dis plate that was lying on the floor.
i guess somebody finished eating
and just left it at the doorway for collection..

so i was thinking abt some stuffs,
and den i saw dis purple plate and silver spoon.
there was only a grain of rice left over,
and everything else was shiny.

so i was thinking,
wah, that fella must be starving!
eat until so clean,
DEN RIGHT!!

suddenly a thought just came,
out of nowhere!
"don't you think it applies the same?"
like, huh?

and as i was thinking and thinking,
den i just nodded wif a smirk and looked away.
as if a wargamer won the war,
after his prediction came true!

now, the message is dis.
meals are essential for any living thing in the world.
whether you take 1 meal a day, or 5 meals a day,
you've to admit that you need food to sustain.

to some, it might be for growth.
to some, it may be for enjoyment.
commonly said, some live to eat.
others eat to live..

the hungrier we get,
the more we crave for food.
we eat, because we haf to.
we eat, to keep us alive.

sometimes we eat out of obligation,
just so that LATER we won't get hungry.
but we've to admit,
we've gotta eat!

shouldn't our spiritual life be the same?
shouldn't it be natural for us
to be hungry for more of God's spiritual food,
usually referred to as, the Living Word..

when we're hungry spiritually,
we yearn for more!
knowing we need it to stay spiritually healthy!
or so that we won't be 'starving' spiritually later..

and when we're hungry,
we'll eat everything up.
clean and digested..
and also, satisfied!

but why are some of us not craving for His Word?
isn't it strange?
if we say we're 'living testimonies',
shouldn't be get hungry sometime soon?

those of us who nvr yearns to read the Bible,
or whose of us who nvr needs to pray.
ask ourselves,
are we still 'alive' in Christ..

for those of us who're constantly hungry!
pace yourself!
eat slowly,
and let God help you digest to its fullest content!

don't gobble up so fast,
that sometimes you miss the point.
in everything,
do it moderately.

february20.

"With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for Him is a waste of time of effort."

1 Corinthians 15:58

how many of us fall short of trust?
how many of us can say we FULLY trust?
how many of us are convinced that
the work of the Master is of sovereignty?

paul, in this case.
out of fervent sincerity.
appeals to us, to fully let go.
to THROW ourselves into the work of God!

paul must've experienced
the glorious result of trusting in God fully.
to be able to convince us,
addressing the corinthians his dear, dear friends..

i've always had an issue wif trust.
dis is by far,
the greatest and prevailing block in my life.
that impedes an even closer r/s wif God..

trusting Him is almost inconceivable to me.
i just cannot..
not matter how hard i try,
i just cannot!

maybe because of failures and disappointments,
too many that i'm afraid to a certain extent.
fearing that if i trust,
i'd be hurt at the end of the day..

but in the course of this week.
my faithful Master spoke again..
that only now i understood the full meaning of it.
how beautiful.

it says in 1 John 4:18,
"there is no fear in love.
But perfect love drives out fear,
because fear has to do with punishment.
the one who fears is not made in perfect love."

we fear of rejection.
we fear of failure.
we fear of expectations.
we fear everything else but God..

coz if we say we fear God,
all these earthly fears will be cast out!
coz God is love,
and love cast out fears!

it may seem confusing,
it may not make sense to you now.
it didn't make sense to me,
but now it does.

my testimonies and sharings
can only come dis far.
then God comes in,
and write your story..

like paul,
i can only put my beliefs and convictions in writing.
it is only up to you,
if you allow God to use you powerfully.

i wouldn't say i can trust in men or God fully now,
but at least now i know why and how to trust.
i wouldn't say i'm more holy now,
but at least now i know what i'm living for.

my dear friends,
i may seem like a nag to some of you.
but i really really encourage you,
to not hold back..

if you're afraid,
at least take the first step.
to let God show you how to..
He gave you a lifetime to learn!

He'd been patient with us when we were far off,
and He'll continue to be when we're near Him!
many a times, we're impatient wif ourselves.
but now its time to let go, and let God..

until you take the first step
and see how great is He!
you'll realise that only then,
you can fall and jump around safely in His presence!

if you can imagine,
of yourself being so so small.
and you're standing at the center of a huge palm.
God's palm.

no matter where you go,
how you fall,
how you run freely!
you're still in His palm, safe!

so His word has spoken,
THROW yourselves in the work of the Master,
confident that nothing you do for Him
is a waste of time!

once you're convinced and willing
to take the step to trust in God.
trust me that He'll give you
situations along the way that requires trust!

and it is in these situations,
that God knows if you really mean it.
STAND YOUR GROUND!
pass the tests!

simplicity.

as i was on my way home last night,
one of my men called..
let me give you a bit of background
about him.

his name is yeechye.
and he loves soccer..
he loves playing it himself,
as while as betting!

he's the joker of the platoon,
and his people relations are v v good..
his jokes are those of wit and originality.
but he's quite lazy!

some of you might haf known
the 'education' poetry i used to recite.
its in chinese.
if you want, i can recite it to you if you ask!

he doesn't like to study,
and he's really really laid back.
but one thing i admire of him,
is that he doesn't flirt nor 'play' around..

so he called me ytd,
after 9 months since i ord-ed!
i thought to myself,
"what happened dis time.."

and so i picked up,
and the first thing he said,
"sergeant......."

des: don't call me sgt la!
yc: sgt desmond, dis wkend got 8-boat attachment. PC ask you to come back and support, we got not enough sgt to oversee the operation.
des: i ord alr leh!

yc: bo bian, i also ord alr! because we too zai alr, they need us to support dis operation.
des: what rubbish! go where..
yc: melbourne.
des: sail to melbourne?! how? and for what?!

yc: they ask us to go there fight the fire.
des: they got firemen what..
yc: like i said, they think we v zai. want us to go..
des: you and your rubbish la. call me for what?

des: btw, what you doing now ar?
yc: orh, sutdying lor.
des: YOU?! studying?! where?
yc: se hui da xue (university of society)

des: got such uni meh? study what?
yc: studying how to suan pple.
des: hahhaa. seriously, what you doing now.
yc: but dis uni got no cert one, once you got cert, means ke-chiang alr.

des: why leh? what you mean?
yc: they only got certificate of death.
des: hahhaha.
yc: so i cannot get cert lor..

though the conversation was going nowhere,
but it was really great joy talking to him.
he seems to haf no worries,
happy go lucky.

kinda looking forward to see them dis fri.
at one of my guy's birthday party!
and so he asked me,
what time am i going and all that la.

the whole conversation
was in hokkien and chinese..
miss those days man,
sniffing 2nd-hand smoke and crappin wif them!

those were the days where i had no worries,
though lots of complaints and whines.
but those days were carefree and fun!
where are those days now?

hmm, i kinda hope that s'pore was a kampong.
where everybody just live to farm and fellowship.
where currency and qualifications weren't needed..
where men meets nature and God.

or maybe because i'm an under-achiever.
hence, i'm feeling the fatigue of striving?
or like what jessie used to say,
that i sometimes set my standards too high..

i don't know actually.
but i don't really haf a choice, do i?
oh well,
the pains of meritocracy! grr.

february18.

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start.. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.

Psalm 18:20 & 24

how awesome is our God!
how He so faithfully renews His promises to us.
how He reminds us so gently,
that we're constantly on His mind.

ever had a situation,
where you're just simply refreshed
just knowing that you were on
your lover's mind for that moment?

what more when God tells us,
that we're scribed on His palm.
and we're constantly on His mind,
and we're forever loved by Him..

despite the tonnes of disgrace we've caused Him.
despite the uncountable sins we've committed.
in thought, word and deed.
through negligence, weakness or deliberate fault!

He understands how weak we are.
He also understands how hard we're trying sometimes.
though often He reminds us,
that its only by grace that we can live eternally.

bearing in mind that He is a just and consistent God,
He cannot tolerate sins.
but He loved us so much,
that He had to pay the highest price to cleanse us.

i'm truly thankful for the grace heaped on me,
a downright sinner.
how He delights in my heart,
and how i do not bear to leave His presence ever again!

God indeed rewrote the text of my life
when i opened the book of my heart to His eyes.
i stand accountable to God and God alone..
and i boast of Him and Him alone.

Father, thank You for allowing me
to serve You in newness of life.
Lord, i pray against pride and complacency in my heart.
let me see Your face once again, Lord Jesus!

who's boss?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-14

there was once,
i woke up from a beautiful dream.
and just nice pauline called..
so i shared wif her.

she just had to burst my bubble by telling me.
God doesn't predict the future to us..
and as usual,
her quotations from the bible ensued thereafter.

many of us are selective in our lots, aren't we?
like my parents for one.
they believe in dis fortune-telling kinda stuff.
so in yr 2000, they went.

the fortune-teller told them,
they will go through a divorce in 2003.
knowing my mum,
if you tell her something, she'll go against the odds.

so 2003 came,
my family went through turmoils.
bouts of breakups were exchanged..
emotions weren't at all positive.

but they hung on.
it was a quarrelsome year..
particularly more in 2003.
was it superstition? i don't know.

but now, my family is bonded even closer.
everybody knows each other's limits,
and somehow, we're more gracious to one another.
my parents doesn't scold me anymore..

they do nag, but not cane or scold anymore.
there's a certain level of respect for each other now.
but for my brother,
different story la!

but what i'm trying to say here is dis.
nobody can predict the future..
it is up to you!
how you want your future to be.

do we trust God, or trust our intuition?
do we trust God, or trust ourselves?
do we trust God, or trust in fortune-telling?
do we trust God, or trust friends or even parents?

we often hear what we like to hear.
i remembered once in the car,
i ignorantly asked,
"eh? i thought you all supposed to divorce in 2003?"

not to provoke any unhappy past,
but to prove my point that the fortune-teller is rubbish!
some bearded old fella sitting in a red-lit room,
what makes it so convincing that he's even sane!

and so my mum replied in relief,
"actually, if it wasn't for what the teller said,
i wouldn't be so stubborn
to prove him or my parents wrong!"

so MAYBE, the fortune-teller was anywhere close to being right.
ultimately it was my parents who defined the future.
likewise in our lives,
we choose what we like.

now the danger comes in here.
den where does it place God?
is He not Lord over our lives and decisions?
are we choosing our obstinance over God?

as surely as He lives,
God is just, at the same time, faithful!
He allows us to go through certain trials in life,
so that we might see how much we need Him!

if we were to get everything and anything we wanted,
wouldn't that make us pampered brats?
some might refute, but the bible say
'ask and you shall receive' what..

now, aren't we using the context to our own benefit?
aren't we just hearing what we like?
den again,
are we letting God be God in our lives?

friends, until we reconcile wif the fact
that EVERYTHING on earth is temporal.
we'll nvr be able to trust and submit to God fully!
accept it or not.

ray stedman put it very nicely in his devotional email.
Prosperity and adversity both come from God's hands;
a wise Father's heart has given them to you.
In the words of the hymn,

day by day and with each passing moment,
strength I find to meet my trials here;
trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
i've no cause for worry or for fear.

i like it esp when he used 'bestowment',
suddenly it seems like i'm being knighted.
the feeling of awe and chivalry.
even if its painful, its worth it! HUAH~

only because the King thinks i'm good enough,
He's sending me to slay dis certain dragon!
and the King reaffirms the bestowed knight,
that he'll haf ANY kinds of support he needs from the royalty!

that is, inter alia,
His promise to us.
He might not be seen physically,
but we haf faith that He's there watching over us!

surely the knight must've felt scared to meet the dragon.
surely doubts and fears will cloud over him..
but until he takes the first step of faith to confront it,
he'll nvr overcome it!

so for those who're going through 'trials' and 'sufferings',
blessed are you!
the Lord thinks highly of you,
and He knows you're good enough for the trial!

fight valiantly!
for the Lord of Lords is with you!
go in faith and confront it,
for the King of Kings will overcome it with you!

and for those who're not struggling,
taking life as a breeze.
time to reflect upon yourself,
and look inward.

have you been living right with God?
have you been ignoring the Holy Spirit?
have your heart turned so cold towards His calls?
have you been too caught up with YOUR OWN life?

i wanna share with the 'overcomers' dis poetry.
i could identify with it so aptly..
almost like a family-written letter,
addressed to me when i'd been abroad for a decade.

when God wants to drill a man,
and thrill a man,
and skill a man;
when God wants to mold a man
to play the noblest part,
then he yearns with all his heart
to create so great and bold a man
that all the world shall be amazed,
watch his methods, watch his ways

how He ruthlessly perfects
whom He royally elects.
how He hammers him and hurts him,
and with mighty blows,
converts him
into trial shapes of clay
which only God understands.

while his tortured heart is crying,
and he lifts beseeching hands.
how he bends but never breaks
when his good he undertakes.
how he uses
whom he chooses,
and with every purpose,
fuses him,

by every act,
induces him
to try his splendor out.
God knows what he's about.

-unknown poet

we may not know what the future holds,
but we know our God is kind.
we may not know what the future holds,
but we know His plans will surely prosper.

i'm not discounting the fact
that we should be void of emotions or desires.
surely we do!
but we should not be too consumed by our carnality!

let us strive to trust God in our ways.
that is the only way to go!
it is not gonna be easy,
but we're not alone, that i'm sure!

there may be certain friendships
that didn't quite go your way.
but trust that the Lord is using dis time,
to mould and strengthen the friendship fostered!

if its His will for the friendship to bloom,
as surely as He lives,
He will allow it to bloom in His own sweet time!
in ways that we can never imagine!

its all about the trust, my friends.
and to even haf trust in somebody.
you've gotta haf a certain r/s wif that somebody.
do you haf a r/s wif God?

l-o-v-e

i know some of you
are already half expecting me
to post something abt valentines day right?
since today its the-day!

hmm, i wanna post my observation today.
for 24 years of marriage btw my folks,
apart from their wedding day.
my dad nvr bought flowers for my mum!

was quite comical though,
how did my dad end up giving my mum flowers.
dis convo between my dad, sis and me
happened last night.

sis: eh pa, tmr's valentines day leh.
dad: ya, so?
sis: are you gonna buy mummy flowers?
dad: no la! for 24 yrs, nvr give her once before!

sis: den make dis year special la!
dad: don't want la, later she think i guilty conscience.
sis: hahaha, will meh?
dad: ya la! you don't know your mummy meh?

sis: just buy la, if she wanna think that way, den let her lor!
sis: unless you really guilty la!
dad: buy flowers not worth it la.
des: see mummy smile not worth it meh? $100 also worth it ma.

dad: how much is one bouquet?
sis: i think abt 20+, what's your budget?
dad: $5.
(my sister looked at me -.-)

sis: your wife worth only $5 to you meh?!
dad: den how much is it?
sis: 20+ lor, depending on how many.
sis: eh korkor, what flowers mummy like ar?

des: tulips.
dad: wah, how come you know i don't know?
des: mummy got say before..
sis: even i don't know lor!

dad: ah girl, you go buy lor. don't tell mummy ar?
sis: wah, still wanna surprise ar?
dad: mmm.
sis: okay.

so vday came,
when my mum came home from work.
and dis was what happened..
my mum saw the bouquet,

mum: wah! whose flowers?
dad: yours lor..
mum: sure anot?
dad: you go ask ah siang lor..

mum: siang, who give you one?
des: its yours!
mum: really meh!
des: yep..

mum: wah, 24 yrs first time leh!!
and she went on rattling abt it.
her eyes,
those eyes filled wif surprise and joy..

it just dawned upon me,
that my mum has showered love on the family,
from the time we were borned.
and i know, she yearns to be loved..

even by her own husband.
whom her parents (my grandparents)
objected to their marriage,
bloomed into a cosy 5-piece meal.

to grace the occasion today,
though to me its just another day.
i watched 'married life',
and the same thing i observed..

a married couple,
both parties having an affair of their own.
but cared for each other too much,
that they didn't bear to initiate a divorce..

but after a while,
when they realised the wrongs of their affairs,
they decided to break up wif their infatuations,
and focus back on their marriage.

though none of them know
that their spouse had an affair,
they still thrive to make things right
and start all over.

though i disagree wif the lies,
and the way things didn't come to light
but i admire their love for each other.
or perhaps its just familiarity.

i don't know if i'm still making sense here.
coz to me, i think i'm lost.
what am i trying to say here?
let me see..

true love isn't familiarity.
true love isn't butterflies in the stomach.
true love isn't lovey dovey chemistry.
true love isn't JUST a feeling, but a commitment..

2004.

was feeling bored, really bored.
and i accidentally clicked on my archive.
Dec 2004.
oh man..

my english last time ar!
'refutate', what in the world is that!
lousily damned, damn lousy.
HAHHAHAHA!

oh well, pple grow la huh?
that's the beauty abt human beings..
we learn from the past,
savour the present, hopes for the future!

okay, let me be mean for a while here.
ytd when i was on the train..
dis guy right beside me was talking SO LOUDLY!
on his hp, and his engrish ar! tskk.

he tried to pronounce 'ceremony' thrice!
celemory, ceremory, celemory.
wah, i was super super tempted to tell him either
'shhhh!!' or "its ceRemoNy, dude."

and his vulgarities were like punctuations man!
not that i can't stand vulgarities,
but in the train leh!
so crowded somemore! grr.

but i think he'll grow up to be a fine young man,
in the future, probably not the near future though.
coz i WAS like him,
except that my english was slightly better!

and now, see!
i'm a fine young man..
ya la ya la,
"whatever right?"

fools.

And you mourn at last,
When your flesh and your body are consumed,
12 And say: “ How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin,
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”

21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man,
And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

the above proverbs speaks so sharply,
to those of us who are fools.
for trivia purposes,
'fool' was used more than a hundred times in proverbs!

aren't we fools before?
or even fooled one time too many?
we sometimes feel foolish,
but most of the time, we're unaware of being one.

in a daily devotional that got circulated to me,
it speaks of 4 different kinds of 'fools'
there's the 'simple fool', 'mocking fool'
'God-denying fool' and 'hardened fool'.

simple fool, or peti
is a person who makes mistakes,
but seeks to correct them quickly.
hence, was restored to the fellowship wif God.

david, for one.
was a simple fool!
a man who makes mistakes but wif a repentant heart.
and God didn't turn away from him despite his 'mistakes'..

hardened fool, kesil or ewil
is a person who makes mistakes,
but nvr learns from them
and further despises counsel and advice.

King Saul, was a hardened fool.
He KNOWS he's committing wrongs,
yet continues in his evil doings.
a man going back to his own vomit.

mocking fool, letz.
one who mocks or scoffs at the doings of God.
who thinks he's his own god,
and ridicules the True One.

God-denying fool, nabal.
a person who is morally wicked
and ignores the disgrace that he brought to his family
and one who despises holiness.

these are the fools defined in the bible,
and further discussed by Os Hillman.
seems like we're all fools in a way or another,
its how we emerge from foolishness, isn't it?

i saw a tagline on the back cover of "the last lecture"
which goes something like,
"we can't change the cards we're dealt,
its how we play our hand"

many things in life,
we do not haf control over..
but it is how we humble ourselves before the Controller,
and let Him be God.

some might say in defeat,
"ren suan bu ru tian suan"
some might say in anger,
"anw what i want, God also don't allow."

but the question here is,
are we sometimes too full of ourselves?
giving ourselves the right to rule 'our body'.
hard to swallow isn't it?

"why must God put us on earth,
to torture us!"
"if He really loves us,
why He cannot let us haf what we want!"

how foolish, some of us might think.
but hey,
weren't we at some points in our lives
just like that? fools?

"God, we wanna commit our results into Your hands."
but when we get our results,
which doesn't allow us to enter our desired course.
we allow disappointments to overcome us..

isn't it abt time we learn to trust Him?
recently, some of you might have realised.
that i've been mentioning songs we sing on sunday,
that we seemingly not practice on weekdays!

i really have dis strong conviction in my heart,
what deceitful pple are we!
using the same mouth we curse and malice,
we sing praises unto Him.

what audacity!
i've come to realise how disgusting that is!
absolutely turned off by such 'harmonious lies'
we utter week in week out!

aight, don't get me wrong ya?
i'm not saying i'm super righteous.
only i've the clean heart to sing praises,
all of you have been hypocrites.

no friends,
no..
i've sinned and been more deceitful than you can imagine!
i've nvr been so convicted before the Lord.

in recent weeks,
as i do my QT, and plan song sets.
i struggled,
coz i know i'm not worthy to sing those words.

and now,
i wanna urge you my friends.
sin no more.
if you can't bear to let go of your sins, don't sing.

even if you wanna sing,
coz the songs are nice or you just like to sing.
den you alone, stand judge before God.
He'll know if you're singing, or singing to Him..

i've no right or jurisdiction
as to assume that the so and so is deceitful.
so and so is not worthy to sing those words..
i'm more a sinner than anyone if i do that!

but i really really sincerely wanna encourage you guys,
go before the Lord and confess.
we all haf our dirty linen..
lay them before the Lord and confess!

let us love the Lord as we sing so.
let us trust the Lord as we sing so.
let us not lie to God anymore..
let us come before Him wif a CLEAN and WILLING heart!

i'll be praying for you, my friends.
even if you think you don't need prayers.
if you need somebody to pray wif or confide in,
you know, i'm here at your disposal ya?

let's continue to uphold one another,
the Lord holds us together as one!
let's continue to persevere towards Christ-likeness!
we all know its hard, but possible!

february11.

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10

"a little while?!"
the thought that gatecrashed through my head,
when i first read it.
a little while..

that thought alone proves nothing else but one,
my wallow in self-pity.
thinking that my world caved in on me,
for the longest time alr..

try telling weiming or any NSF,
army 2 years only!
very fast one la..
see what they tell you.

and ask me or anybody who has ORD-ed,
"is 2yrs in army too long?"
and see what they say.
ask those who were in army!

now, the point here is dis.
when we're IN IT,
it's one long arduous day followed by another.
10pm doesn't seem to come at all!

when we're too caught up wif our 'sufferings',
many times we forget to step out
and look at it from a bird's eye..
its only for a while.

though its not convincing to tell yourself that,
when you're in it suffering.
but that is the reminder Peter wants to give us.
stay strong.

the longest our 'suffering' can take,
is merely a fraction of eternity.
but then again,
without dis fraction, we're as good as nothing.

as we struggle or suffer through dis period,
let us nvr forget to stay focused to God.
nvr leave from His presence!
coz once we do, we fall off..

God will not put us in a situation,
where He knows we can't handle.
and when times you really really feel like snapping,
that's when God is refining you.

those are the most precious moments,
when you look in retrospect.
let me share wif you all something,
a day in sispec (army).

i was the course sergeant major at that time,
and it was a mock live-firing.
where we crawl through mud and stick in formations,
to get to our objective.

bearing the rank on my arm,
was clearly visible.
and not surprisingly,
the warrant officers would pay more attention to me.

safety of my platoon was in my hands,
and they had to instill some real discipline in me,
in order for me to carry out my duties
during the actual 'live' firing wif real bullets.

so as i was crawling, shouting,
there's dis pair of boots right beside me.
walking beside me as i crawl..
i ignored coz my 'drill' was more impt.

then suddenly some guy went out of line,
and i didn't see.
and hence, i failed to shout at him
something happened.

my instructor kicked me in my helmet.
real hard..
it was humiliating to me!
i really wanted to shoot him at that time.

but i kept quiet,
and shouted at that guy
to get him back in line.
i was boiling inside..

den somebody accidentally misfired,
and i got kicked on my helmet again!
dis time i was infuriated.
but i kept quiet until the end of the exercise.

at the end of it all,
i went to a corner in the forest.
and teared silently,
thinking "why is it my fault when all these happened!"

a background of it was that,
i broke up wif cheryl the night before.
but i held everything in,
and did what i had to do, command.

but when he kicked and kicked,
i was so upset.
and kept thinking,
"why does it all happened at once!"

how long more will my 'suffering' be?
to me, that wk was the longest!
rest time don't seem to come when i needed it to.
the day seemed to haf 72hrs.

but now that i look back,
those 'trying' periods were damn precious!
i literally bit the bullet and charge through,
staying focused and finish what i had to.

the Lord restored me each night,
He made me strong, firm and steadfast.
He walked through wif me,
and i know He'll walk through wif me dis time too!

so i wanna encourage you,
that your world may look like they're caving in on you.
your problems seem too much for you to bear,
but be assured dis day.

the Lord held me together,
He will hold you too!
all you hafta do is to fix your eyes on Him.
NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF HIM!

perseverance.

there will come a time,
when everything will make sense.

like a tunnel.

no matter how long it is,
no matter how deep it is,
there is an end to it.
and there'll be the light we've been looking for.

days of yours may be pitch dark now,
future of yours may be bleak now,
but be assured that there is an end to all these
as long as you stay strong enough to see it!

we've heard stories of successful men.
we've seen chronicles of prevailing legacies.
but these are the 'ends' that we see..
what about the days they've gone through?

listening to legacies,
can be achieved in less than a day.
but the days forming a legacy,
took an arduous lifetime of tears, sweat and blood.

if you can't seem to see light now,
or can't seem to make sense out of all these.
let me encourage you that you will one day,
as long as you stay strong THROUGH it..

legends have legacies only because they held strong!
legends have legacies only because they were focused!
legends have legacies only because they had faith in the unseen!
legends have legacies only because they hung on to God!

bite the bullet, stay vigilant!
don't let distractions rob you of the 'light'.
the light that you've been looking for.
finish the race, and be blessed!

cheerfulgiver.

even if i cannot be cheerful,
or as jovial as i used to be.
i pray that i'll be of good cheer,
and be a cheerful giver.
alliwantisforyoutobehappyagain.
to the best of my abilities,
i'll give and give.
coz i know the Lord will provide for me.
i won't go bankrupt, if i trust in Him!

results.

one result out,
which is not very optimistic.
one more to go,
this thursday..

february6.

No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love has been brought to full expression through us.

1 John 4:12

its quite freaky,
how come dis whole past week,
the devotion is all abt l-o-v-e!
or maybe coz i see what i like to see?

anw, today's struggle was even greater.
i woke up more times last night.
and its strange how i can rmb all the dreams,
so vividly even now..

guess what, i woke up at 7
and lazed in bed until 7.50!!
the battle in my head was i tell you,
more happening than the gaza strip man!

i was thinking what reason can i give for urgent leave,
and what would i be doing at home,
how often haf i been on leave
and at 750, i told myself i should get out!

only 2 substantial reasons to keep me motivated,
one is to be surprised by my devotional calendar,
another is my lunch time peace at SAC.
i'm so tired, yet refreshed. get it?

anw, it is true that we've nvr seen God.
just wondering how many more believers
will there be if we could see God in person.
but then again, faith is a whole lot more valuable than belief.

sometimes we wonder if God really loves us.
if He does, why can't He just show Himself?
but almost immediately, i got my ans.
in God's perfect will, His love be at fullest extent.

if He were to show Himself to us.
as in tangible or at least visible..
would we really love Him through faith,
or simply just coz we're convinced?

if i'm a father.
i'd know my child really trust me,
even though my child cannot or haf not seen my capabilities
but simply by faith he/she trust.

we don't hafta see our dad put out fire,
to 'prove' that he's capable of protecting us.
we just know that because he loves us,
he'll protect us at his utmost ability..

likewise, when we say we know God.
why do we more often than not
complain that God doesn't show up,
that God sometimes seem so unreal?

at the same time,
it is so amazing how He exemplifies His love for us.
not only did He give up His Son for us,
He constantly reminds us through one another dis day.

i supposed we've been through most 'scenarios' of love?
'honeymoon' periods, quarrelsome periods,
breakups, reaffirming, reassuring,
waiting in hope, etc etc..

think abt it for a second.
isn't God doing all these for us as well?
when we choose to go against Him,
He feels hurt and upset but yet He held on patiently.

when we're committed to Him,
spend alot of time wif Him,
He's happy and He would reciprocate.
its almost like our 'honeymoon period'.

when we were far off,
when we say we don't like christianity,
or not ready for a r/s wif Him
He waited in hope that we might go to Him one day.

we don't quite 'quarrel' wif God, do we?
but we whine to Him.
we complain to Him.
He was patient and listened to our woes.

somehow, through dis period of time.
God really showed me what love really is.
the warped idea i used to haf.
the more time spent together, more love.

to a certain extent,
f/s or a r/s has to be maintained,
by spending time wif each other.
but it is not all that matters..

1 Cor 13 spells it all.
and in fact,
now that i review it again.
it is not really impossible to achieve..

it is whether the person is worthy enough
for your efforts and commitments.
if he/she is,
den you'd do anything to love.

pple might say i'm just being lovelorn.
i'm just saying coz words are cheap.
but i've got nothing to prove.
i've got nothing to be ashamed of.

i've failed, i've stumbled.
but i'm glad God pulled me back up.
and i'm sharing wif you what i've learnt.
of coz i'm not a model ans..

my testimonies and experiences
serves nothing more than just encouragements.
what is the core of the message,
should be God's words.

and God's word can only be heard,
if you yourselves spend time wif Him.
like i've said earlier,
a r/s has to be maintained..

i can't thank God enough,
for bringing me through dis period.
i know i've grown,
and am still growing..

so if you're feeling down and alone,
you're not.
there's always dis friend who'll listen to you.
and that is Jesus..

reside in Him,
and He will reside in you.
when you're tired,
He's there to give you rest!

your bf or gf can love you,
your family members can love you.
but i'm convinced,
that none can love the way God does to us..

let us strive to exemplify God's love.
be it in your marriage,
love life, ministry and so on..
love surpasses all understanding.

heroes?

as the end of season 3 encroaches,
i've identified God's power in dis series..
throughout the whole 3 seasons,
it talks abt how pple behave wif powers.

some see it as a curse,
others see it as a gift,
one saw it as a calling,
yet another sees it as a mission.

but what was so awesome was that,
the last 3 episodes of the series
showed how powerless the 'heroes' were,
because of an eclipse.

now, eclipse is a natural phenomenon
that only God can fathom.
we humans are somewhat like 'heroes'
aren't we?

when during 'light' seasons in life,
we act like God doesn't exist.
we act as if we were our own gods.
who needs God when i haf my 'powers'.

in 'dark' times,
we find that our 'powers' deplete.
we try so hard to make sense out of it,
but to no avail.

we, humans change like time.
the saying goes,
time change, pple change.
so true huh?

but our God doesn't change,
He lets us do what we think we're good at.
and when we grow weak,
He'll show us who's the strong one!

i really don't know how did i miss out
all these awesome facts when i was younger.
only when i'm down in the pits,
that i seem to haf found the 'sutra'..

but nonetheless,
i thank God for all that has happened.
and now all i want to do,
is to live my best for Him alone.

pple can judge me for my past.
but God knows me inside out.
pple can be afraid to approach me,
but God knows me inside out.

i trust that the Lord will bring me out of dis
and from here,
my 'mission' has just begun.
may the Lord be my guide..

alivingGod.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track.

Proverbs 3:5-6

dis period of time,
had really opened my divine eyes wide!
dis period of time,
i'm beginning to see things that i couldn't before.

it was revealed to me,
that i'd been seeking God's hands
instead of His face.
i was convicted..

seeking God's hand will not only end us up in expectations,
it'll also mislead us who God really is..
who God really is in personality,
His ways and commandments.

when we fall on the ground,
we see a hand strut out waiting to help us up.
do we not look at the person's face,
before we can 'trust' dis helping hand?

likewise, why do we only look at His hand?
in times of need,
shouldn't we look at the samaritan
and not just the deeds?

everyday seemed like a mind game to me.
having alter-egos role-playing in my head.
trying to make sense out of everything,
trying to see some light in the darkest tunnel..

i rmb kenny told me once,
"the more you try to make sense out of it,
the more perplexing and frustrating it gets."
how true isn't it?

esp in times where there're no right or wrong,
just logical or emotional.
sometimes even none of the above,
it just happens.

for the past few nights,
i'd been waking up sporadically in the night.
and each time,
i'll be prompted to pray..

dis morning,
as usual, i woke up a few times again.
but dis morning,
the feeling of fear and perplexity was tantamount.

i had to pray and talked to God for the longest time.
before i finally plucked up enough motivation,
to get changed and head for work.
it was hard.

but with God's strength and prudence,
i shall live my day to my utmost,
and trust Him day by day.
taking a step at a time, slowly but surely..

thank God i struggled through
and came to work today!
coz when i flipped my daily devotional calendar.
the abovementioned verse spoke so aptly to me!

all along, in my entire life.
i'd been taking things into my own hands.
trusting in my own strength and power,
and hence the frequent spiritual dryness.

but the message that the Lord seemingly impressed upon me,
was really to trust in Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
holding nothing back for my carnal being,
for i've died to myself and alive in Him!

even the insecurities i struggle wif at times,
now i know its channelled to Him,
who loves me for who i am
who listens to my darnest prayers..

through dis period of time, or ordeal.
i've truly learnt that
God is all i need,
and God is all i want..

caleb told me dis couple of days back.
"only when we realise the God is all we have left,
then only we'll see that God is all we need
in the first place."

some of you who are struggling out there,
i wanna let you know that you're not alone.
God allows the struggle to happen,
so that He can refine you, mould you.

our human understanding is v limited.
but trust God wif all our hearts, souls and minds.
trust in His love for you,
for love surpasses all understanding..

february4.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

Hebrews 11:1, 3

faith, i can move the mountains!
i can do all things through Christ,
who strengthens me!
faith!

dis song is so commonly sang,
but the meaning of it remains seemingly obscure.
surely we do know the definitions of 'faith',
but do we know the practicality of it?

many times we fall into worries.
worries are somewhat the sign of
faith lacking in us.
we simply can't trust what is unseen huh?

we measure friendships by amount of communication,
we measure love by extensive care and concern,
we measure salvation by works that we do,
we measure acceptance by the number of friends we haf.

how true is it..
how many of us can really say we've faith!
now we know why the quantity of a mustard seed,
was already enough to move a mountain if we believed.

coz God knows we cannot even haf faith
in the amount of a mustard seed.
who on earth can say to Him,
Lord, i've faith in You!

let's not even talk abt salvation as yet.
we talk abt love for one another..
how many times we feel insecure of each other,
when communication seem to drop?

do we not feel unwanted by friends who
doesn't really talk to us?
do we not feel unassured by friends who
doesn't assure us verbally or the way we wanted it?

even during exams,
we pray and commit the papers in God's hands.
but yet,
fear of the results!

where is faith in all these situations?
so when we say we commit to God,
what do we really mean?
or is it just a protocol that 'christians' SHOULD do?

by no means!
God reminds us time and again in the Bible,
we must haf faith in the unseen.
we MUST!

we often hold some faith/trust back to ourselves,
thinking that 'in the event' or 'worst case scenario',
i won't be totally devastated.
i won't be totally hurt..

now, when we hold 1% of trust back to ourselves,
our faith level will immediately spell zero.
its almost like saying,
"God, i commit my life to You today, but.."

or even to our friends,
"hey, i love you for who you are. but can you next time.."
we should really learn to let go of our
terms and conditions.

in God's love,
terms and conditions DON'T apply!
He said He loved us,
and He gave us His ALL..

when we say we love one another,
do we give them our all?
or do we keep some for ourselves?
den what unconditional love are we talking abt?

i'd like to encourage us,
that we may have been hurt in the past.
we're just afraid that things might recur.
but let us take dis journey to trust..

let not our past rob us from our future.
let's learn to forgive and forget.
let's learn to give pple a second chance to reconcile.
let's learn to haf faith in them..

it is difficult, no doubt.
but it is definitely possible..
as long as we learn to love the way God does to us,
i'm sure your life would be more than fulfilling.

phases.

today was quite funny.
though i had a super bad day at work,
but nvm.
that aside..

on my way home,
i saw dis v young couple.
they were still in their uniforms,
and the guy was still in shorts!

so its only right to assume that
they're no more than 14?
they were holding hands,
and the guy was like trying to get her attention.

the girl tried to entertain him,
but couldn't stay at it for long.
can tell that she was trying though,
but oh well..

den after that,
i couldn't be bothered anymore.
i looked elsewhere and saw ANOTHER couple.
dis time they're probably in tertiary studies.

now, dis is interesting.
coz i'm around their age,
and the way they behave
was a stark difference from the former!

they didn't hafta be all cuddly.
they just looked into each other's eyes,
and talked gracefully.
somewhat sharing their day..

the girl wasn't too concerned
abt how pple look at them.
the guy wasn't too concerned
abt how the girl was conscious abt it.

they just shared like the 2 of them
were in hokkaido during spring.
where leaves fall and blossom
in their lovey dovey setting..

okay, i should snap out of it.
though i kinda want dis kinda feeling,
but nah.
i know i shouldn't at dis point in time.

so i looked away.
as i was walking home..
i saw dis really old couple.
probably in their late 70s.

both of them wif a head of grey,
and guess what!
they were holding hands!
i love to see old couples hold hands..

they didn't look like they were talking.
they look almost like just simply
enjoying each other's company,
and enjoying the scenery..

maybe they're assured not coz of themselves,
but coz they know nobody will try to
seduce their other half!
maybe..

but my point here is dis.
all 3 couples are in love..
the only difference i could think of,
is that all differed in reasons.

aight, let dr love explain..
and oh wait.
before all the desplanation,
disclaimer: its a general view, not stereotype!

young couples even before puberty,
tend to be in a r/s for show.
meaning, having a bf/gf is like
a cool thang.

no matter how i feel towards him/her,
no commitment needed.
got butterflies in my stomach,
can alr.

as long as i'm attached.
i'm cool!
better still,
i'm attached to some super good-looking!

and you should know the outcome,
sooner or later.
a breakup will come,
and the cycle starts again.

for tertiary love,
though its seemingly loving.
mature and not so showy.
its dangerous too..

we might alr know what we want in a partner,
and we would, more often than not
impose our 'standards' on our partner.
and dis will hurt more.

because both parties put in alot for the r/s,
both parties know what they want.
and since both are more 'committed',
they won't break up unless they really cannot take it.

of coz there is also a flip side to it.
couples who manage to sort out their differences,
knowing that it is still worth the hurt,
will strive on and may even end up in marriage!

now, the grey love..
the sweetest of them all.
we know that they've been through everything together
good and bad, they're still together!

and the interesting thing is dis,
they might even be matchmade!
bearing their generation in mind,
matchmaking is probably the way they got acquainted.

but how did they stick wif each other for so long?
how did feelings grow,
from nothing to everlasting.
how?

maybe coz it started off as 'no choice'.
like or don't like,
still must get married..
must as well be happy abt it.

but subsequently,
as they go through thick and thin.
commitment to each other becomes natural..
loving each other becomes a bond btw them.

what i'm trying to say here is dis.
God allows things to happen in all seasons of life.
its how we manage it.
with or without Him..

the young couple could very well be christians,
but they are surely not ready for a relationship.
one which they share joys and differences,
one whom they accept for who they are..

the tertiary ones are really abt commitment.
where both of them are at their prime..
a third party can come in v easily,
but whether they can trust each other enough.

whether they're assured of each other's love.
whether they can tolerate a certain flaw.
all these are molding periods for a lifetime bliss.
a partner for which God had molded for each other.

do we know what kinda lovers are we?
do we know how to love ourselves?
coz if we can't love ourselves,
how then can we say we can love other pple?

many of you reading dis,
i assume are my age.
which means you're either working things out,
or simply not ready for one.

but there's no harm exploring within yourself.
what is love all abt?
i'm not talking abt agape love.
i'm talking abt courtship kinda love..

am i ready for commitments?
am i ready to put myself aside for him/her?
will it compromise on my r/s wif God?
will it compromise on our initial f/s?

purify my heart.

i kinda like train rides nowadays.
despite the sardine-packed carriages,
i'm pretty much oblivious to the surroundings
and in my own world plucked in to mp3..

as i was thinking abt stuffs again,
suddenly my ears opened when
'purify my heart' played..
it sounded so sincere dis time!

and i was thinking,
what does it mean to be purified?
purified like precious silver.
and pure gold.

as usual,
being a very visual person.
images chalked up in my mind,
immediately of a gold refiner and his crucible.

some of you might have known,
for gold or silver to be purified.
it has to be melted first,
den molded right?

now, why must it be melted?
simply because its for the impurities to surface,
the best way to identify it,
is to let the 'hardened' matter stand out!

likewise, when we sing 'purify my heart'
we're actually telling God to melt our hearts,
and let the 'flaws' surface.
so that our Refiner can purify us..

if that gold or silver had feelings,
i'm sure it'll be of much pain!
but the procedure is essential,
in order for the gold or silver be of higher value.

for those of you who are struggling,
or feeling hurt and pain!
rmb that your hurts are essential,
for you to be pure..

only when we're pure!
then only can we be molded.
and serve at our utmost calling.
to be used by God in His own special ways..

so bear wif it my friends!
you're not alone.
in fact, during dis period of time
the Refiner is paying extra close attention to you!

making sure you don't overburn.
making sure you don't evaporate.
making sure every impurity is taken out.
making sure you'll turn out absolutely pure!

take heart, and trust the Lord.
for He knows more than human minds can fathom.
He knows more abt gold and silver than they do abt themselves!
what more human beings who He created fearfully and wonderfully?

speechless.

a video from angel's blog,
2 emails from pauline,
an inspired verse from the bible
was all that was needed to hear God loud and clear.

some of you might know of my condition,
my health condition.
i'd been praying at the cathedral during lunch
for abt 2 weeks now..

it was the most relieving 2 weeks of lunchtimes!
so many insights to learn from Him,
when You set aside time to listen.
He's so faithful!

inter alia, these 2 stood out the most!
in a nutshell,
it is basically a r/s wif Him
and disappointments.

many of us will be left wondering sometimes,
why others can haf dis
yet i can't?
why?

the answer is straightforward.
and whoever is compelled to make a choice in life now,
i wanna challenge you dis.
take some time off and be honest wif yourself.

if God were to give you what you want,
NOW at dis point in time.
will you love Him less?
will it rob your attention away from Him.

if your answer is yes,
there you haf it!
sometimes or in fact all the time,
we really gotta trust Him.

if we don't trust,
we don't even talk abt love.
how can we say/sing that we love God,
yet our actions show otherwise!

let us not lie to God any longer.
let us not face up to Him and let Him lead instead.
there is no reason for God to withold something from you,
but what good will it serve if He gives in to your impatience?

there's someone in my life which i hold on v dearly to.
but i know i can't pursue further now,
not because of that other person,
but because of me.

i know that God is witholding a courtship from me,
because He knows i will love Him less.
and dis is the time i should make right my life wif Him,
before i even profess love!

and i know if i honour Him,
He will grant the desires of my heart.
in His own sweet time,
He will, i know that.

the other thing is disappointments.
how we cope wif the inevitable..
no matter how hard we work to evade from it,
it will still befall upon us somehow!

pauline sent me an email recently,
titled 'Jesus or barabbas'?
"what a comparison",
was the first thought in my head.

but as i read on,
it speaks of so much truth and conviction!
i can't help but identify wif it
and pray for forgiveness.

for some of you who don't know,
barabbas was the murderer who was set free instead of Jesus.
and the crowd who were pressing for his sentence,
was the same crowd who 'adored' Him a few days back.

but why did they condemn Him?
because they were disappointed in Him.
because Jesus was reluctant to defend Himself,
He apparently couldn't "save" Himself.

and likewise in our lives.
how many times did we choose barabbas over Jesus?
because of our disappointments in our lives,
we say God didn't deliver when He claimed He could.

but my friends,
be encouraged and reminded.
that in His time,
His perfect-weaved plan for us will take place.

so if some of you who are struggling really hard now,
be encouraged that God's plan is still in place!
just be patient and tenacious in your faith!
hold on tight to Him and you'll see His face..

For surely I know the plans for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

as long as we believe in Him,
as long as we continue to trust in Him,
His plans for us will be perfect,
He WILL give us a future with hope!

just like a labouring mother,
who screams in pain while giving birth.
after seeing their child,
they'll tell you, "the pain is worth it."