alivingGod.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track.

Proverbs 3:5-6

dis period of time,
had really opened my divine eyes wide!
dis period of time,
i'm beginning to see things that i couldn't before.

it was revealed to me,
that i'd been seeking God's hands
instead of His face.
i was convicted..

seeking God's hand will not only end us up in expectations,
it'll also mislead us who God really is..
who God really is in personality,
His ways and commandments.

when we fall on the ground,
we see a hand strut out waiting to help us up.
do we not look at the person's face,
before we can 'trust' dis helping hand?

likewise, why do we only look at His hand?
in times of need,
shouldn't we look at the samaritan
and not just the deeds?

everyday seemed like a mind game to me.
having alter-egos role-playing in my head.
trying to make sense out of everything,
trying to see some light in the darkest tunnel..

i rmb kenny told me once,
"the more you try to make sense out of it,
the more perplexing and frustrating it gets."
how true isn't it?

esp in times where there're no right or wrong,
just logical or emotional.
sometimes even none of the above,
it just happens.

for the past few nights,
i'd been waking up sporadically in the night.
and each time,
i'll be prompted to pray..

dis morning,
as usual, i woke up a few times again.
but dis morning,
the feeling of fear and perplexity was tantamount.

i had to pray and talked to God for the longest time.
before i finally plucked up enough motivation,
to get changed and head for work.
it was hard.

but with God's strength and prudence,
i shall live my day to my utmost,
and trust Him day by day.
taking a step at a time, slowly but surely..

thank God i struggled through
and came to work today!
coz when i flipped my daily devotional calendar.
the abovementioned verse spoke so aptly to me!

all along, in my entire life.
i'd been taking things into my own hands.
trusting in my own strength and power,
and hence the frequent spiritual dryness.

but the message that the Lord seemingly impressed upon me,
was really to trust in Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
holding nothing back for my carnal being,
for i've died to myself and alive in Him!

even the insecurities i struggle wif at times,
now i know its channelled to Him,
who loves me for who i am
who listens to my darnest prayers..

through dis period of time, or ordeal.
i've truly learnt that
God is all i need,
and God is all i want..

caleb told me dis couple of days back.
"only when we realise the God is all we have left,
then only we'll see that God is all we need
in the first place."

some of you who are struggling out there,
i wanna let you know that you're not alone.
God allows the struggle to happen,
so that He can refine you, mould you.

our human understanding is v limited.
but trust God wif all our hearts, souls and minds.
trust in His love for you,
for love surpasses all understanding..