brotherly love.

i can vividly recall,
the day i went back home after sunday service.
i went home,
i pulled my face the longest i ever had.

i went to my room and closed it.
closed my windows,
got my clothes and went to bathe.
came out and sat at my chair for 20mins.

sat in my chair,
doing absolutely nothing.
i almost couldn't hold my emotions back.
i was feeling v miserable.

my fever,
my test that didn't go too well,
my life,
and the reunion dinner which i dreaded.

after my hair dried,
i went to plop on my bed for the next 3hrs.
i couldn't slp.
i just laid there and hid myself under the blanket.

it was total darkness,
i felt secure, yet lonely.
i felt like crying,
but i really couldn't..

just then,
i heard the door open.
hearing the footsteps and a digimon,
it was my brother.

he peeped into the blanket,
and saw my eyes.
but he didn't say a thing
and went out.

whispered loud enough to my mum for me to hear,
"i don't know what korkor doing,
he like slping but not slping.
he like crying but not crying."

thank God my mum didn't come in.
coz i really dread it when she asks me,
"what happened to you?"
i wouldn't know how to ans.

just when i was slipping into my thoughts again,
the digimon sound creeped nearer.
dis time, my bro wasn't on a recce mission..
he was here to concern.

joel: korkor, why you like so sad?
mummy say new yr cannot sad leh.
if you sad,
den the whole yr will be sad..

des: i'm just tired, joe.
you may not understand what i'm feeling now,
but soon you will.
and i don't think i'll be sad whole yr, coz i've Jesus..

joel: got Jesus den won't sad?
den where is Jesus now?
why you so sad now?
you don't like Him alr ar?

des: Jesus is still here in my heart.
i'm sad now coz He wants me to learn something,
and learning is usually v hard.
just like your spelling and ting xie..

joel: orh.. ya, that one v sad leh!
nvm la, you want to play digimon?
i caught 5 alr leh!
3 normal, 2 rare..

des: no, thank you joe.
i just wanna lie down for a while more.
don't feel like moving..
you go out first can?

and the digimon sounds fades off the background,
followed by a latch of my door.
once again,
i felt solace, yet loneliness..

i thought to myself,
why do kids concern not pressure pple
as compared to friends' concern,
where pple would feel less relieving in?

the ans that i concluded
seemed to be v simple.
innocence and sincerity..
easier said than done huh?

there's no expectation of bombast.
neither do you feel that you've to be accountable.
you just let things come out of your mouth,
and you know children won't judge you.

Lord, i pray that You'll use my emotions,
to strengthen me
to speak to me
and to mould me.

Lord, may i be a blessing to pple around me.
even in dis very very very trying time of mine,
may i shine for You
and fly Your flag up high!

may You haf Your way in me,
for i've nothing else left..
Lord Jesus, take me wif You.
take me wif You..