words.

did you know,
the word we often use
'fed up'
is actually f-ed up!

and did you know,
the word i recently heard
'fugly'
is actually f-ing ugly!

wow.
and f in dis entry
denotes the vulgar connotation.
i'm intrigued.

how often we think words are just mere words,
but pple actually come up wif new ones constantly
to express themselves!
so are they just mere words?

if it is,
den why the mere obsession?
if it isn't,
den why pple do still use them despite the shaky reliance.

trial.

i rmb zing and i were talking on msn.
and i asked him,
"eh, is my blog too holy?
is it v boring?"

and he said,
"you can either blog like you do,
or you can blog your everyday life."
hmm, let's see which is more boring.

on sunday, i went for AGM.
AGM was quite fun!
maybe because i like these kinda politics,
decision makings and reviews.

and dis is the first time i witnessed,
an AGM being adjourned!
and how uncle boo second uncle ben the adjournment.
a tinge of court setting.

after AGM,
we went to paint andrew's house.
eh? wait, did i go for lunch?
hmm, feels like we had, but its so vague.

anyways, we went to buy paint
and dis time we made sure we got the right kind!
and then OH!
we went for lunch at ang keong and derek had $3 fries!

mayteng and i had western food,
while char had eastern ones.
so after eating,
mayteng and char went to buy medication for auntie susie.

derek and i being brawns,
had to go up to the house and shift furnitures first.
after shifting,
the girls came back and we went to sand the door!

coz the main door was atrocious the previous time we left.
so derek and i were determined to finish it by sunday,
UNTIL mayteng came over and snatched our 'ricebowl',
so being brawns again, we finished up the room painting.

and dis time it was surprisingly productive!
4 of us, we started packing up at 8!
not bad right..
and after that, we had steamboat for dinner.

after dinner,
it was abt 12+ and only I had work the next day.
so we went home,
i bathed and slept!

very interesting meh?
i realise the standard of my english
dropped in dis post!
why, oh why~

deliberation.

2 things that dawned upon me,
ytd and today.
again, they were common things,
but often overlooked..

as i was bathing ytd after painting,
there was an acute pain in the side of my index finger.
i thought what in the world was that,
and when i saw it, it was a torn flesh.

but i thought, since no blood
its okay la.
so i shampoo-ed my hair and
AAAAWWWWWWWWW~

the pain was so sharp that i cringed!
but guess what,
i still went on to finish washing my hair.
what an ass! (legitimate name for stubborn donkey)

so after that, i thought..
maybe now the wound is clean.
next is my facial cream.
dis time, i stuck my finger out and used the other 3.

boy, it really felt weird man!
my left side of my face is massaged by a full hand,
and my right side is so..
inadequately massaged!

suddenly it just struck my mind!
so soundly..
i'll like to call it my
finger theorem.

so many times,
we don't realise the essence of something
until we lose it.
ain't it true?

that was a subpoint.
the main point is this..
we haf 10 fingers,
2 of each kind.

i tried to wonder how would my fingers think.
(yeah, i've an ability or rather, a disability for monologue!)
the index finger for directing,
middle finger for scolding and so on..

middle finger: you're shorter than me,
why does desmond always use you to point and not me!
index finger: haf what..
just not in a good way!

even then..
don't even talk abt 2 different kinds of fingers.
let's talk abt both your index fingers..
are you a leftie or a rightie?

for me, i'm a rightie.
naturally, i'll use my right finger to direct.
would my left finger feel slighted?
let's see..

leftie index: i'm same as you what!
why desmond use you more than me..
rightie index: haf what..
maybe coz i'm more user-friendly?

many a times,
we compare ourselves wif others.
digging whatever character traits we haf,
we want to be deemed better, or at least fit.

but sometimes,
or in fact most of the times!
we allow pride to get the better of us,
thinking we can do better.

is it really so?
before we even think we can do better,
why don't we examine ourselves first.
are we wired in that same way?

yes, we may all be human beings
we may all be christians..
but we haf different shoe sizes.
its abt time we don't try to fit into other pple's shoes.

i may not be a guitarist,
or a pianist, or even a good enough vocalist.
why in the blue world am i leading a band?
am i better than all of them?

obviously not.
just nicely inverted..
i need them as much as they need a leader.
and God graciously gave me 'commanding genes'.

we are all here for a reason.
for His reason..
we're not here to be super substitute.
thinking we're one-size-fits-all.

we haf our roles, they haf theirs.
let's not allow pride to seep into our lives
thinking we're better than whoever appointed.
coz they're there and you're not, for a reason..

let's also not allow self-pity to seep in.
thinking we're lousier than others..
desmond can lead a band,
i can only play the guitar.

no, we're all here as a body.
just like my face needs the presence of my index finger.
my leftie needs my rightie to make the body part
called 'hands' complete..

like me,
i don't haf special preference for my index finger
over my middle finger.
even though both are authorative, just different kinds.

i love and need them both!
and i need them to be cooperative,
esp when they live just next to each other!
and i think they've been quite obedient..

wow, i can see that dis post is gonna be quite long.
if you're bored, you can go snoop around elsewhere
and maybe pop by later again?
okay, moving on to the next and final point!

dis morning as i walked to office,
through the adelphi.
i've been walking through there for abt 10 mths now,
and i JUST realised something today..

there're tonnes of shops selling audio devices there.
and one of the posters which i'm sure was there ever since!
and it reads dis,
"be surrounded by sound, not speakers"

suddenly, theological sense just came to me.
it is really not abt the indicators
or the 'speakers' in your life
to know that you're hearing something.

speakers in dis sense,
i meant markings or indicators
of God speaking to us.
of God 'hinting to us..

like for example,
i used to think.
"Lord, if _____ is the one for me,
please allow her to send me an sms!"

or dis,
"Lord, if dis course is for me,
please allow me for an interview
so that at least i know its from You!"

sometimes we're so focused onto
wanting to hear God's voice,
we tend to fix more 'speakers'
in our lives..

thinking that the more speakers we haf,
the better or clearer sound quality there is.
we've gotta learn how to listen,
instead of how to fix speakers!

i've heard and read so many times,
that if i'm not heeding it or convinced by the truth,
i'm just being deaf,
even though i've 10 speakers!

the Lord speaks to us in His own ways,
ways we cannot anticipate.
but more often than not,
He speaks to us through His own Word (bible)!

not christian books,
when you're deciding a r/s wif someone.
not christian friends.
when you cannot make up your mind.

don't box God up in the context of a human-inspired writer!
don't rely on godly friends for answers from God.
if you really wanna hear from Him,
den talk to Him, not things or people!

but of coz on the flipside,
i'm not saying that reading or consulting is bad.
what i'm saying is,
be surrounded by sound, not speakers..

if you don't understand,
you can ask me personally abt dis.
coz i think its impt,
esp being in dis growing affluent society.

many times we tend to play god,
we tend to think what God would think.
we tend to flood ourselves wif logics and emotions,
instead of His Word for us..

aight, enough of typing.
my fingers and thighs are aching bad!
gotta spray some WD-40 on my fingers man..
and i've the gait of a penguin now!

happiness?

an emotion, or even a quest.
some people might haf categorised it.
but for me,
it is neither. it is a decision..

the following excerpt of dialogue
is inspired by the movie 'peaceful warrior'
those who haf funshion,
should really catch it..

socrates: put on your trekking shoes tmr morning,
there is something i wanna show you.
something which i think you're finally ready to see.
don't be late.

*the next morning*

dan: where is dis place you're bringing me!
it's been 3hrs of hike now.
pls tell me we're almost there..
or at least nearer than where we started off.

socrates: we're here.
dan: *looks around* here?! what do you mean here!
we trekked for 3hrs for dis?!
(dan pacing up and down, disappointed, frustrated)

dan: what is it that you wanna show me?
socrates: its right beside your foot.
dan: don't tell me its the flower you wanted to show me.
socrates: no, its the rock.

dan: the rock?!
why would i be unready to see a rock?
socrates: disappointed huh?
i should've told you earlier, shouldn't i?

dan: *clutches the rock* sighed as he looked at it.
socrates: weren't you happy while you're trekking up?
all excited to see dis 'wonder' that you thought
i'm showing you?

socrates: like a kid on christmas morning.
all excited to see what's in that sock, weren't you?
i'm sorry dis rock didn't make you happy.
(socrates walks away)

dan: its the journey.
socrates: (paused and and turns back)
dan: its the journey that was supposed to make me happy
the lesson that you wanted me to see.

socrates: (smiling) the outcome is really not all that great.
i didn't tell you what to expect,
because there's more to see in the journey
than in the outcome.

by the way, socrates is an old man, grey haired.
dan is a young and ambitious gymnast.
he was all ready to give up his dream at the olympics
when he shattered his leg in an accident.

but socrates told him to train harder,
do what he loves.
its nvr abt the olympics, or the gold.
its abt how you open your eyes during the journey.

such profound truth in there.
when i was so dejected,
questioning God's presence in my life.
thinking how dumb i am to trust Him..

i was sad, i was crushed.
i shouldn't haf, and i nvr will again.
today is a wake up call,
what was i looking for?

even if i get into a uni,
to pursue a degree, what is it that i want?
greater affluence, status, wealth?
what is my goal in dis?

even if i haf a gf,
what is it that i'm looking for?
carnal companionship, hand to hold, a person to hug?
what is it i really want?

these 2, are by far in 2009
the greatest issues in my life.
both bringing me closer to God,
and also further away..

from jan till now,
i see no good in dis.
in dis wretched life of mine.
because i was too glued to the outcome.

the entry into SMU,
the girl's hand i love.
and i missed all that the Lord is teaching me.
the journey that God wanted me to see..

many times in dis yr,
i've seen the 'rock',
disappointed and upset.
and i've failed to see the journey.

the journey that got me to where i am today.
i wanna rid all of my complacency,
all of my carnal desires,
all of my pride.

i fall and stumble,
i laugh and enjoyed.
these are the moments that God placed in me,
to make me a better person.

the goal isn't to be an SMU student,
the goal isn't to be in a r/s.
the goal is how i got there.
and how i am made more complete in Him..

courage isn't braving storms.
courage isn't biting the bullet and charge.
courage isn't going against all odds.
courage is being absolutely vulnerable.

trust.

"If God can bring blessing from the broken body of Jesus and glory from something that's as obscene as the cross, He can bring blessing from my problems and my pain and my unanswered prayer. I just have to trust Him."

- Anne Graham Lotz

blush?

"People whose faces turn red when they drink alcohol may be facing more than embarrassment. The flushing may indicate an increased risk for a deadly throat cancer, researchers report.

The flushing response, which may be accompanied by nausea and a rapid heartbeat, is caused mainly by an inherited deficiency in an enzyme called ALDH2, a trait shared by more than a third of people of East Asian ancestry — Japanese, Chinese or Koreans. As little as half a bottle of beer can trigger the reaction."

- New York Times

who was that smart guy,
who told me that
"pple who flush easily while drinking,
are v healthy coz blood circulation very good."

what?

I say:
so how's your QT coming along?

Drusilla says:
QT?

I say:
quiet time.

Drusilla says:
oh...

Drusilla says:
peaceful

I say:
...................................................


jac and qc, please.

snow!

there was a 40-min hailstorm up north ytd.
in the state of pahang, 2 were injured..
WHAT IN THE BLUE WORLD?!
A HAILSTORM IN THE TROPICS?!

seems like we can prepare ourselves
for a white christmas soon!
HOo hOo HoO, merry christmas~

blessings.

since i'll be in office till late today,
thought i should blog abit
before i go for my dinner and back again!
so here goes.

its funny how God blesses His people.
in the time of a recession,
where millions of people are getting retrenched
if not pay cut.

I GOT A PAY RAISE!
though its not alot,
but..
i not only still haf my job, but a pay raise!

its really a blessing coz it reminded me
of how i got myself in the legal sector.
which eventually sparked some really serious
interest in the legal arguments and stuff.

still rmb when i was clearing my ORD leave,
i had some days to spare
and i sent tonnes of resumes to banks.
thinking of carving a niche in the banking world..

but my timing couldn't be more precise,
i ORDed when the economy was ailing.
banks were having manpower freeze and all that,
i was jobless even before being employed!

jacinta was gloating that uncle boo gave her an offer,
since she was on her break.
she decided not to take it coz she wanted something
related to her course of study.

and so after telling her my predicament,
she gave me the opportunity
and i applied for it.
i started work the next day.

how God sees and plans for us.
of coz i can only say all these in retrospect..
coz when i applied for it,
i was still thinking of pursuing a part time degree at SIM.

but i dropped the idea after 'forcing' myself to read economist.
it was too dry.
i couldn't squeeze any passion for numbers,
which i thought i could.

now i'm here,
i realised my drive to hit the business district
was the fat paychecks and nice dresscodes.
nothing else..

i had no qualms or struggles reading statements,
finding myself forever intrigued by court judgements
and the various decisions
that the counsels make.

many pple came to me and asked me,
if i was just 'infatuated' wif legal studies
since i'm in the sector..
i did give it serious thought but denied it.

anways, enough of that.
i've been through that
and haf no intentions of going back
to defending myself again..

but ya,
God places us in different places
sometimes way out of our imagination.
but His plans prosper us!

another blessing that i wanna give thanks for.
ALVAN IS OFFICIALLY OUT OF JOB!
as of 24 March 2009, 3.15pm.
not that i thank God for his retirement la..

i really wanna thank God for putting him in dis office.
though his stint here was brief,
but i've seen so much of him!
that i don't think i'll ever see through the band practices.

he's so cheerful,
always so happy go lucky.
we nvr seem to be out of topics,
and he really brought me alot of weekday joy!

but there is dis one thing i particular saw in him.
his heart of giving.
he is ALWAYS offering others first before himself.
he is always sharing and seeking to help!

and i'm not talking abt his job scope.
in everyday life..
he is always looking out for pple
and helps even without asking!

that is something i'm really impressed.
like today,
i went to the pantry to get biscuits
coz i forgot to bring my bread.

he came and said,
"eh, i brought bread. you want?"
it sounds normal here,
but the bread he brough was only a person's serving!

and he hasn't eaten it himself yet!
he offered me,
which i of coz rejected coz its his breakfast.
but seriously..

alvan, if you get a gf from dis 'appraisal' here,
you owe me one big one!
but really, bro.
you'd opened my eyes in giving!

you're one selfless example,
that pple should really learn from.
anyways, our colleagues haf good words of you!
you'll make it big in life, my friend!

imperfection.

among the many intriguing points,
i've sifted out a sub-point.
one that may not be as significant to others,
but it sure glowed in my eyes.

in his book 'socrates meets Jesus',
thomas kreeft, only the second author
who manages to narrate as closely as
what socrates might refute.

inter alia, he briefly spoke on 'imperfections'.
as he was discussing what sin might constitute..
and as he touched on imperfections,
he said something like dis.

socrates: take dis tiny tree for instance, is it evil?
bertha: it is scrawny and weak.
socrates: but is it evil?
bertha: no, it just needs more growing.

by the way,
the background of it was that socrates
was trying to prove if imperfection was evil.
obviously it wasn't, but it sure seem like it is.

anways, the point that i wanna bring out is dis,
that imperfection isn't evil.
therfore, it doesn't deserve judgement..
it only needs some growth!

why did i use sucha strong word, judgement?
coz evil will be judged.
first by men, then by God.
it WILL be judged.

so back to the point i intended.
many of us will say,
yeah, i nvr judge the imperfect ma!
they like very poor thing lor..

is it really true that we didn't judge them?
let me share wif you all something.
i've many flaws,
although i seemed ideal on the outside.

derek once shared wif the cell,
"i think des' life v perfect.
got loving family, can sing, can drive,
got acceptable looks, and quite well-to-do."

i pondered in amazement.
coz deep down i know what i'm not.
in fact, it just made me realise
how unreal i am on the outside..

and i've also came to concede,
that my friends don't last in my life.
or rather, they're not constant.
even though i make great efforts to maintain them!

and surprisingly,
it was because of my tenacity
that got pple cheesed off.
that got pple disgusted or even bored..

so i am imperfect.
i may haf the gift of the tongue,
but that was the exact reason for most
of my battered friendships..

so after all those 'self-pity' statements,
what i'm saying is that i'm imperfect.
and these imperfections cost me dearly,
coz pple in dis day and age won't allow me time to grow.

we tend to prefer the result,
than the process.
nobody wants to go through 'thick and thin' anymore.
they prefer to befriend the 'transformed' pple..

jessie once told me,
"it is easier to care for a beggar by giving money
than bringing him to your home to care for him."
how true!

i decided to rewatch 'a beautiful mind' last night.
i used to see remarkable success in overcoming.
but now i saw something different,
i saw john nash's wife's love for her husband.

it was one with great perseverance,
with no conditions or any returns.
she stuck by him in sickness and fatigue,
they both overcame.

john nash was imperfect,
in fact his flaws were so degenerative and severe.
but his wife,
she put her desires aside and cared for him..

two refreshing reminders i picked up lately,
perseverance and trust.
along with it, the most enduring attribute
is the undisputed, love.

true love transcends all understanding.
true love supercedes logics and emotions
that it seemingly defied.
true love comes from God, it is God.

may the Lord be with you,
may the Love be with you.

thoughts.

there were alot of things,
thought provoking, indescribable.
things that i don't ponder on a daily basis,
things that i don't thank God enough for.

i realised,
the joys of being able to share.
the silences were the best advice.
the proximity which tells me i'm not alone.

when i prayed,
the thing that so prominently came up to my mind
friendship.
it was so surreal..

and i've also come to realise
that what friendships need,
in order to be fostered
is not time, but trust.

usually pple would say,
"i'm sorry i don't know you enough yet."
will the time ever come,
if we just stopped at that thought?

sometimes i really think familiarity isn't all
that's needed to be able to share.
what it takes is trust,
and trust deserves some risks.

how frail and superficial humanity is,
some might lament.
but more often than not,
it is us, who refuses to take the first step of trust.

i've had enough of saying 'a step of faith',
coz to a certain extent,
dis cliche seems unrealistic alr.
for some might even use it as an excuse.

but rather, 'a step of trust' seems more manageable.
or at least for me.
coz when i share, i give my all.
even though i risk being betrayed.

but to me,
honestly, how brief are my days on earth.
even if i'm betrayed,
what reputation do i hafta lose?

insofar, i only see good in trust.
coz even if i were to be hurt by betrayal,
at least i've once encouraged someone to share deeper.
to go into an authentic friendship.

trust.
that was one reminder to me ytd.
the second,
would be appreciation.

caleb sprained his ankle,
real bad.
his ankle was so swollen,
that it made his whole leg look linear.

it was purple, black and green.
somewhat like a pale brinjal..
and his right eye was bruised too,
almost like a sliced brinjal.

he was in obvious agony ytd,
i've nvr seen him in such pain before.
every restrictive movement was like arghh!
and when he cringes, his eye pain (i think).

when i see him struggle to pee,
the pains of not being able to aim.
and his worn-out mother
cleaning up the mess thereafter.

made me really thank God for stuffs!
even though my legs are scrawny,
they served me perfectly well.
and i shouldn't be greedy but thankful!

i've been injured dis yr,
in the area where most pple classify as cliche..
but i won't deny the hurts,
though invisible, but evident.

but i really really thank God
that i'm still holding fast to my faith!
that my r/s wif God doesn't fluctuate wif my emotions.
and the God i pray to, comforts me!

it is unimaginable,
how i manage to stay strong till today.
when i look back,
it seems so amazing how i pulled through..

i know dis is abit bhb,
but i know i've grown.
even if there's nothing in the future,
at least there's something now, maturity..

dis yr, is really a yr of faith for me.
NOTHING and i really mean nothing
is confirmed in my plans.
everything is tentative, is arbitrary.

i've been told,
that dis yr is gonna be a very very tough yr for me.
but on the flipside, i've also been told,
that He'll walk me through!

and i know exactly what is the tough thing!
not being able to plan..
i'm a planner, a meticulous one
and dis yr, i couldn't plan anything!

but i'll not lose hope,
i'll not lose faith.
in fact, i'm excited to see how God will teach me!
even though every morning i wake up, afraid.

then again,
if all these things didn't happen
i wouldn't be reminded of all these,
these situations that brings me closer to God!

and i'm really really thankful.
painful, but endurable.
disappointing, but inevitable.
hurt, but consolable.

and all these are made possible,
coz i trust in the unseen God.
all these are beyond logics and emotions,
dis is the power of love.

i'll praise You in dis storm.

I was sure by now
God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

and I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You

and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

march19.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Romans 5:3-5

these verses we've heard one too many time.
some might think its cliche.
some might think its sometimes encouraging.
some might not even haf read it..

i personally thought dis was a milestone
when i read it today.
it speaks so much volume!
alvan would say, "his words got weight la sia"

ever gone to bed feeling tired?
i mean duh right, who doesn't.
i'm asking it again,
ever gone to bed feeling tired?

ytd, i went to bed v tired.
so tired that i hoped i didn't wake up today.
so discouraged and worn out,
that you just haf no more left..

yeah, i felt that.
i didn't know what to pray again.
but i thank God for the Holy Spirit,
who interceded for me!

i wouldn't say i feel recharged today,
or felt a sudden sense of enlightenment.
i still felt tired and discouraged,
but the difference is, i've surrendered.

and as i walked to my desk dis morning,
dis verse lighted up.
suffering produces perseverance!
and eventually hope..

i'm a person who isn't good at anything,
unless you count pissing pple off wif my words
and insecurity pangs
which i excel in.

but i'm a person who perseveres.
i like to outlast pple.
i like to push myself to the limits
and more often than not, beyond the limits!

so that personality makes me a long distance runner,
slow but steady.
i'm a person who can still run even when i hear
my hips creaking and my heart popping.

if i'm suicidal,
i'd think running myself to death is easy!
but don't worry,
i'm not suicidal..

but what i'm saying here is,
i'm v encouraged to see dis verse.
coz i see what perseverance can produce
in lieu of sufferings!

paul isn't being sadistic asking us to 'rejoice'
in what pple term as 'pain'.
what i think he's trying to say is,
do not lose faith!

sufferings are only temporary.
the prize is eternal..
but if we lose to what is temporary,
we'll nvr see the prize forever!

so whatever you're struggling wif now,
or things that you categorise under 'sufferings'.
press on!
fix your eyes on the Lord who allowed the sufferings.

for He is not torturing you,
He is refining you, coz He wants the best for you.
and in the arduous process,
He has poured love into our hearts to sustain us!

press on, press on.
we're almost there..
what doesn't kill us,
only makes us stronger!

maybe.

maybe giving someone all your love
is never an assurance that they will
love you back.
don't expect love in return.

just wait for it to grow in
their heart.
but if it doesn't,
be content that it grew in yours.

maybe you should hope for enough happiness
to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,

and enough hope to make you happy.

i'm glad for all that happened in my life,
not that it was how i planned it to be,
but it was what made me who i am today.
and that itself is the plan from the start..

blunt innocence.

des: how come you so young got psp alr and i don't?
joel: coz olden days don't haf psp.

i'm not THAT old!

experience.

"experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you want."

good experience, bad experience
they're all worth having.
good experience,
i don't hafta reason myself..

but for us to embrace bad experiences
takes huge amounts of humility.
unless we are truly surrendered to God,
we'll just keep wallowing in self-pity.

all things in our life,
both good and bad.
works out in accordance to God's plan!
like it or not.

but that's the beauty of a r/s isn't it?
you can't always haf what you want.
at the same time, always having what you want
just doesn't seem to add up right..

we may think we know what's good for us,
but God don't just think, He envisage.
and He KNOWS exactly what will happen,
if He allows certain things at a premature timing!

like my brother told me ytd,
"korkor, can i use computer? i NEED to use."
den i asked him, "you got projects alr ar?"
and he looked at me blankly.

den i said, "so do you really NEED to use?
or you just wanna play games?
if you just wanna play games,
wait until weekends, its just 2 more days."

in his head he must be cursing and swearing at me,
"i only wanna use for a while also cannot meh?"
but i know if he starts playing,
he'll not pack his bag and tmr he's gonna get scolding!

likewise, i admit i struggle alot myself.
wrestling wif God,
"i only wanna.. also cannot meh?"
but He has better plans for me.

when i say He has better plans for me,
i'm being v honest wif myself and say,
"anw, what i want, You also won't give now,
i won't want anymore.."

and the whole cycle of self-pity starts.
so a constant reminder and prayer in my daily life,
is that i be refreshed in His will for me!
and that my heart will soften for His will to be done!

it is so difficult, but mandatory.
such is life..

HAHHAA!

i hope my braces holds my teeth tight!

twinkleler.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=57188988188&ref=nf

dis is damn serious.
HAHAHHAA!

upforgrab!

anybody wanna date the coolio in tie?
apply now and stand to win a date!
nobody matches the way you do.
here are the terms & conditions:

1. only christian girls are allowed.
2. forehead must be at the height of my lips.
3. forehead with bangs are immediately disqualified.
4. tone deafs are NOT preferred.
5. a sense of humour is compulsory.
6. with body odour, please stay at home.
7. punks, ah lians, vulgirls, cheenas, pls refrain from applying.
8. girls with tattoos are on selective basis.
9. keen interest in the bible will be in advance standing.
10. girls who talk loudly, please bring a full-face mask.

disclaimer:
dates do NOT come with the guy on the right.
he is purely to accessorize the gimmick.
(no offence alvan, you know i still love you! =D)
nobody can ever take your place in my life.
terms & conditions apply.

wherartthou?

at the rate that i'm going,
endorphines wouldn't be enough.
i need something stronger,
like enwhales?

brickwall.

ever been faced with a brick wall,
encompassing what you really wanted?
ever felt dejected and discouraged,
when your desires and dreams are fortified?

i was faced with many brick walls in my life.
each time, i thought to myself
"God, why are You always leading me
to these brick walls when You know i can't?"

today, i had a new perspective.
the brick walls are opportunities
that God had placed in your life..
a wall of testing.

a wall to see if you really wanted it bad enough.
a wall to bring out the best in you.
a wall to deter the others who're impatient
a wall to discourage pple who doesn't want it bad enough.

Lord, i thank You for encouraging me.
i thank You for giving me
this new refreshing dosage of strength,
when i thought what i've been doing was in vain.

Lord, You've brought me here.
You know what is good for me.
now it is up to me,
to see if i really want it bad enough..

Lord, i pray that as i overcome dis wall
You'll continue to be wif me.
continue to encourage and assure me.
You know how much i want it Lord..

i will wait and see,
that the Lord is good.

best.

things always turn out best for pple who makes the best out of the way things turn out.

march6.

Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

more often than not,
i find myself struggling to be assured
of something unseen.
what more to be confident?

last time i used to debate within myself,
"but dis is the way God made me what.."
now, that is pride and ignorance.
how foolish a boy i was..

i've often or in fact, always struggled
wif having assurance in the unseen.
when there were no encouragements,
no signs of improvement or growth..

but now i've learnt to look back.
not to look back and reminisce,
or to live in the past.
but to look back and be reminded!

how could any good work be started in me?
i'm nothing but another ordinary guy.
who has pessimism at its highest.
who is often inconsolable when downcasted.

i've been in reflective mood the past few days.
thinking where should i go from here,
or what am i doing wif my life,
or is there anyway i can enrich my life.

were there such days in your life?
where you suddenly got sucked into reflections,
and think "why am i here?"
what does God wanna do wif me here?

looking back, i can only praise God for His good work in me!
and so many times it is not intended for my personal
but His glory and splendour!
all praises go to the God who knows me.

how He'd sustained me through those dark moments,
how often He was my only friend
when i feel the most lonely and discouraged.
how He quietly supported me and patted on my shoulder.

He has already begun a good work in you
before you were even conceived in your mother's womb.
so now, its abt holding fast to your faith in Him,
and let Him hold you till His Kingdom comes.

finishingwell.

i was handed 2 articles on saturday,
and one of which
i only had time to read today on the train.
how refreshing!

so many times,
we grow tired and weary serving.
no matter how enthusiastic
or how focused and determined we started off.

sometime along the way,
we will somehow fade away.
some will slip into their comfort zones,
some will feel so discouraged and tired.

more often than not,
i'll be confronted wif the latter!
even recently,
i was struggling within, how am i to be motivated!

but today,
dr rick langston reminded me of a simple
yet profound truth and example!
it talks abt the torch.

ever wondered why olympics always haf dis torch thing?
the lighting-up ceremony?
what is the significance of the flame,
and why is it so prominent?

the idealogy was warped along the way,
and today.
it is nothing but just 'carrying on' the tradition.
not many know why it exists in the first place!

even before the first great olympic games,
there was a soldier who was running back
to his kingdom reporting victory of the greek army!
he was carrying a torch in his hand and nothing else.

the torch actually symbolises 2 things.
first, the victorious war achieved by the greeks.
second, that was actually to pace the greek soldier,
in his run back to the palace!

wif that flame in hand,
he had to make sure he doesn't run too fast
lest the flame goes out.
at the same time, to reach the palace wif the victorious flame!

how simplicity encompasses such profanity!
true isn't it?
many times we're too excited,
sometimes too eager to finish what we've set out for.

and many times,
we run too fast causing the flame to blow out!
isn't it abt time to check your flame?
to see if its still burning..

let's learn to pace ourselves in ALL that we do!
be it ministry, career, education, courtship.
in God's time, in God's pace
His will and plan will unfold perfectly in our lives!

all you hafta do,
is to run in God's pace.
not take things for granted and stroll,
neither should we sprint!

its a skill or art to run in pace.
but once you've found the right pace.
the run will be never the same as before!
it will be enjoyable and healthy and accomplishing!

ahh, how i wish i could run soon..
i mean, literally!

spoken.

spoke to 2 of my friends,
didn't really 'speak' to one of them,
but it spoke to me aptly!
if you understand what i mean..

i was telling pauline some of my struggles,
and other issues.
which i guess most of us will go thru,
at some point of our lives..

sometimes, God uses 'downs' to speak.
and i thank God that i held fast to my faith,
for i know i'm hardpressed, but not crushed.
and His grace is ALWAYS sufficient for me!

i indeed heard and was deeply encouraged,
by the story of elijah and elisha.
when elisha had to learn to walk alone,
as elijah was taken away..

there will be times,
when you feel that even though you're so close
to God and His way.
but yet, loneliness still manage to find its way in..

fear and worries will definitely set in,
when you think you're all alone in dis.
but as elijah was taken away from elisha,
elisha had double portions of annointing!

when we hold on to our old comfortable ways,
where does faith come in?
where does growth come in?
where does trust come in?

so if there're bouts of lonliness in you,
bear wif it.
grit your teeth and look to God!
for He's abt to do something supernaturally in your life!

you hafta learn to stand on your own!
seek God's face your own!
fall and learn on your own!
and be assured God will bless you in doubles..

in times of struggles and darkness,
do not lose faith.
do not lose hope!
for you're in the midst of refining and moulding!