happiness?

an emotion, or even a quest.
some people might haf categorised it.
but for me,
it is neither. it is a decision..

the following excerpt of dialogue
is inspired by the movie 'peaceful warrior'
those who haf funshion,
should really catch it..

socrates: put on your trekking shoes tmr morning,
there is something i wanna show you.
something which i think you're finally ready to see.
don't be late.

*the next morning*

dan: where is dis place you're bringing me!
it's been 3hrs of hike now.
pls tell me we're almost there..
or at least nearer than where we started off.

socrates: we're here.
dan: *looks around* here?! what do you mean here!
we trekked for 3hrs for dis?!
(dan pacing up and down, disappointed, frustrated)

dan: what is it that you wanna show me?
socrates: its right beside your foot.
dan: don't tell me its the flower you wanted to show me.
socrates: no, its the rock.

dan: the rock?!
why would i be unready to see a rock?
socrates: disappointed huh?
i should've told you earlier, shouldn't i?

dan: *clutches the rock* sighed as he looked at it.
socrates: weren't you happy while you're trekking up?
all excited to see dis 'wonder' that you thought
i'm showing you?

socrates: like a kid on christmas morning.
all excited to see what's in that sock, weren't you?
i'm sorry dis rock didn't make you happy.
(socrates walks away)

dan: its the journey.
socrates: (paused and and turns back)
dan: its the journey that was supposed to make me happy
the lesson that you wanted me to see.

socrates: (smiling) the outcome is really not all that great.
i didn't tell you what to expect,
because there's more to see in the journey
than in the outcome.

by the way, socrates is an old man, grey haired.
dan is a young and ambitious gymnast.
he was all ready to give up his dream at the olympics
when he shattered his leg in an accident.

but socrates told him to train harder,
do what he loves.
its nvr abt the olympics, or the gold.
its abt how you open your eyes during the journey.

such profound truth in there.
when i was so dejected,
questioning God's presence in my life.
thinking how dumb i am to trust Him..

i was sad, i was crushed.
i shouldn't haf, and i nvr will again.
today is a wake up call,
what was i looking for?

even if i get into a uni,
to pursue a degree, what is it that i want?
greater affluence, status, wealth?
what is my goal in dis?

even if i haf a gf,
what is it that i'm looking for?
carnal companionship, hand to hold, a person to hug?
what is it i really want?

these 2, are by far in 2009
the greatest issues in my life.
both bringing me closer to God,
and also further away..

from jan till now,
i see no good in dis.
in dis wretched life of mine.
because i was too glued to the outcome.

the entry into SMU,
the girl's hand i love.
and i missed all that the Lord is teaching me.
the journey that God wanted me to see..

many times in dis yr,
i've seen the 'rock',
disappointed and upset.
and i've failed to see the journey.

the journey that got me to where i am today.
i wanna rid all of my complacency,
all of my carnal desires,
all of my pride.

i fall and stumble,
i laugh and enjoyed.
these are the moments that God placed in me,
to make me a better person.

the goal isn't to be an SMU student,
the goal isn't to be in a r/s.
the goal is how i got there.
and how i am made more complete in Him..

courage isn't braving storms.
courage isn't biting the bullet and charge.
courage isn't going against all odds.
courage is being absolutely vulnerable.