thoughts.

there were alot of things,
thought provoking, indescribable.
things that i don't ponder on a daily basis,
things that i don't thank God enough for.

i realised,
the joys of being able to share.
the silences were the best advice.
the proximity which tells me i'm not alone.

when i prayed,
the thing that so prominently came up to my mind
friendship.
it was so surreal..

and i've also come to realise
that what friendships need,
in order to be fostered
is not time, but trust.

usually pple would say,
"i'm sorry i don't know you enough yet."
will the time ever come,
if we just stopped at that thought?

sometimes i really think familiarity isn't all
that's needed to be able to share.
what it takes is trust,
and trust deserves some risks.

how frail and superficial humanity is,
some might lament.
but more often than not,
it is us, who refuses to take the first step of trust.

i've had enough of saying 'a step of faith',
coz to a certain extent,
dis cliche seems unrealistic alr.
for some might even use it as an excuse.

but rather, 'a step of trust' seems more manageable.
or at least for me.
coz when i share, i give my all.
even though i risk being betrayed.

but to me,
honestly, how brief are my days on earth.
even if i'm betrayed,
what reputation do i hafta lose?

insofar, i only see good in trust.
coz even if i were to be hurt by betrayal,
at least i've once encouraged someone to share deeper.
to go into an authentic friendship.

trust.
that was one reminder to me ytd.
the second,
would be appreciation.

caleb sprained his ankle,
real bad.
his ankle was so swollen,
that it made his whole leg look linear.

it was purple, black and green.
somewhat like a pale brinjal..
and his right eye was bruised too,
almost like a sliced brinjal.

he was in obvious agony ytd,
i've nvr seen him in such pain before.
every restrictive movement was like arghh!
and when he cringes, his eye pain (i think).

when i see him struggle to pee,
the pains of not being able to aim.
and his worn-out mother
cleaning up the mess thereafter.

made me really thank God for stuffs!
even though my legs are scrawny,
they served me perfectly well.
and i shouldn't be greedy but thankful!

i've been injured dis yr,
in the area where most pple classify as cliche..
but i won't deny the hurts,
though invisible, but evident.

but i really really thank God
that i'm still holding fast to my faith!
that my r/s wif God doesn't fluctuate wif my emotions.
and the God i pray to, comforts me!

it is unimaginable,
how i manage to stay strong till today.
when i look back,
it seems so amazing how i pulled through..

i know dis is abit bhb,
but i know i've grown.
even if there's nothing in the future,
at least there's something now, maturity..

dis yr, is really a yr of faith for me.
NOTHING and i really mean nothing
is confirmed in my plans.
everything is tentative, is arbitrary.

i've been told,
that dis yr is gonna be a very very tough yr for me.
but on the flipside, i've also been told,
that He'll walk me through!

and i know exactly what is the tough thing!
not being able to plan..
i'm a planner, a meticulous one
and dis yr, i couldn't plan anything!

but i'll not lose hope,
i'll not lose faith.
in fact, i'm excited to see how God will teach me!
even though every morning i wake up, afraid.

then again,
if all these things didn't happen
i wouldn't be reminded of all these,
these situations that brings me closer to God!

and i'm really really thankful.
painful, but endurable.
disappointing, but inevitable.
hurt, but consolable.

and all these are made possible,
coz i trust in the unseen God.
all these are beyond logics and emotions,
dis is the power of love.