wif regards.

a couple of days back,
on sunday to be more precise.
gab stunned me wif an observation
out of the blue!

gab: did you know that there's no such word as irregardless?
des: *lights up* is it? i thought haf.. we always use ma!
gab: what's the point of irregardless,
when there is alr the word 'regardless'?

that took me a while to ponder,
and i'm still pondering till now.
but i told gab that i'll merriam-webster it,
and i even asked around for opinions!

its funny how such terminologies excite me,
and how simple words, root words grip my attention!
after much research and thought,
i conclude that there is still ongoing debate..

on whether should 'irregardless' be formalized.
up till today, editors of legal draftings,
editors of the newspapers and magazines are still
amending 'irregardless' to 'regardless'.

merriam-webster had a sound reasoning for dis
seemingly superfluous term.
it is actually a cognition of 'irrespective' and 'regardless'.
hence, 'irregardless' had been coined.

it is however, used in informal speeches
or informal writings.
as of today, 'irregardless' is still considered barbaric
and is not accepted by scholars and academics..

nonetheless, here are some responses from public.
its to make it sound nicer..
the usage should depend on the sentence structure.
oh, you mean its not a word? oh my gosh. [a lawyer]

inevitably, i seem to be reminded of some words.
like even today on the train,
paul said, "i was not disobedient.."
somewhere in Acts..

why did he use not disobedient,
when there is a more convenient accepted word, 'obedient'?
i'd think sometimes its for the emphasis,
that he is not something..

wif the pretext that the Sanhedrin thinks he's disobedient,
in context wif the law that he allegedly blasphemed.
so in efforts to dispel the idea that he's disobedient,
he used not disobedient, instead of obedient.

a certain phrase sounds more impactful,
when you include an opposition.
like 'not disobedient' sounds more obeying than 'obedient'.
and 'not fat' is more convincing than 'skinny'.

i can't help but be particularly intrigued,
by such simple intricacies in the english language,
that was once considered barbaric..
although it may seem ridiculous to post an entry on dis.

hmm, if you've got any more insights
pertaining to dis.
don't hesitate to call me ya?
i'll not be obliged to discuss it wif you!

roads.

Father, as i laid out my options
and as i stand at dis crossroad,
may i choose the cross-road..
Holy Spirit, guide me.

faith?

as he handed me a copy of
'Overcoming Discouragements'.
what zing said that caught my attention was,
"i photocopied it for you."

the first thing that came to my mind was,
"wow, he remembered me.."
sucha one-liners could encourage me in times like these,
and i really thank God for that split second.

since i didn't haf much time or rather,
undivided attention for that copy ytd.
i decided to save it for today,
on my way to work.

quite strangely, i was expecting more of testimonies,
than the biblical aspect of 'overcoming'.
i was expecting more of strength and trust,
but it turned out to be a whole chapter of 'faith'..

and as i get to the most demoralising table in my office,
i decided to practice what i've read and not be too discouraged.
it was a deliberate mental note that i had to make,
in order to stay focused on Him and not on those.

and so as i was reading my daily devotionals in my email,
AGAIN, it talked abt faith.
is the Lord trying to tell me something?
or am i just being over-sensitive?

ytd as i was waiting for dinner time at starbucks,
mark and i scoured through the web and researched
on plausible courses for me.
on an honest note, i was afraid..

since the door of law had closed on me,
i was afraid to try again.
knowing that i'm placed nowhere near 'eligible' for any courses,
in any scheduled varsities.

but somehow, ytd i had the urge and the peace.
and since i was wif the admin-guru,
mark and i went ahead to screen through SIM's website,
the 'next best alternative'.

and as we looked through it,
it was funny how Mass Communication gripped my attention.
but i didn't give it much thought.
we scrolled further and saw a few others.

we shortlisted a few from SIM,
and went on to Kaplan and PSB academy.
i realised after looking at the course structures,
i'm quite an arty farty fella!

we've since shortlisted mass comm wif psychology,
english wif literature,
english wif sociology,
mass comm and journalism.

and of coz mass comm itself.
and just nice when we finished searching,
just looking up to stretch our necks,
jessie appeared!

so i randomly asked her which course
does she see desmond in.
before i could even finish listing,
she shouted "mass comm!"

suddenly a flashback of 'jessie encounters'
surged through my saturated mind,
and picked out an incident when i told her abt my law application,
she told me, "i think you're too kind to be a lawyer."

and den i went on asking her,
"so what do you see me doing in the future?"
she said, "i've always thought you're very good on stage,
very good in communication and creative arts."

and because i was starkly adamant at that time,
i stuck on wif my application which eventually fell through.
and since we're on that topic now,
i'd like to say, i didn't regret my application.

although now i'm back to square one,
considering arty courses
and again a few steps behind my peers,
i've gained more insights on lessons that sch can't provide.

and allow me to revert back to 'faith'.
somehow, dis time round,
i'm no longer concerned abt peer pressure.
no longer concerned abt where my cert will bring me to.

now, all i'm concerned abt is what i'm wired to do.
what is my naturel.
how can i please God wif my life in that sector,
and how my decisions glorify Him..

coz i can safely say,
really nothing is permanent in dis world
other than fostering a r/s wif God.
and dis r/s is ever-refreshing! it nvr stagnates.

each new day, there'll be something new to learn.
and for consolation,
these lessons are the true lessons we're here for!
and best of all, ITS FREE!

free in terms of fees,
and free for anybody of any race or accolades to learn!
how wonderful our Dean is, isn't He?
that's what learning is all about. process, not results.

and i think throughout dis whole sob-saga abt rejections,
i've learnt how to walk by faith better.
maybe coz its a scenario that i don't haf that luxury of choice,
that i cannot walk by sight or by choice, but only by faith!

so i wanna encourage those of you,
who're really struggling in decision-making,
or really feel like giving up at where you're at now,
don't.

coz these 'problems', 'issues', 'heartaches',
are ordained by God to be in your life.
not to torture you, but to make you stronger!
for every father who loves his children, disciplines them.

our Father is the model of all fathers.
our Father gives us what He thinks its best for us!
our Father doesn't succumb to fashion of dis world.
He doesn't tell us He loves us by giving us a ferrari.

but a bloodstained cross,
personally autographed by Him.

supersquirrel.

wouldn't it be nice,

to one day wake up and find that you're superman?

and all your problems seem to be manageable.

that suddenly, you just know you're super.

not like being God's child isn't super enough,

but i just need some more strength to go through dis.

i know i can do it, i can!

but why do i feel like i'm running out of strength.

am i lacking endurance?

or am i lacking strength?

where is the zip on my chest?

where is my invincible suit?

june26.

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the the heavens."

2 Corinthians 5:1

it has been quite a fair while,
since i've blogged abt the verses
that i conscientiously still flip on my
daily scripture calendar..

and i've decided to blog dis verse
coz it seems apt to the many things happening today.
not in my life solely,
but in the world as well.

for some of you who've alr known,
the legendary singer, Michael Jackson has died.
and thank God his nose was still intact,
on his death bed.

it came as a shock to the world,
as he was alr planning to make a comeback world tour
since his self-reclusion lifestyle
in response to the child molest charge he was face wif.

and when he's all set to resurface,
his heart decides to disobey and there goes.
to his eternal neverland.
its really quite sad..

not all of us here knows
that we do have eternal buildings in heaven.
and among those who knows,
not everybody believes.

jacko isn't one of the lucky ones who believes i guess?
irregardless of his riches in dis world,
it really goes to show how empty worldly possessions are!
and i don't even know if he brought his cosmetic nose wif him!

all our earthly tents will be destroyed,
whether we like it or not.
now the only option we've left is,
do we haf an eternal building in heaven?

if you do believe that you've a whole building named after you,
den i'm sure you won't hold so tightly to worldly possessions now.
if you don't believe,
maybe its because you think you've all you wanted on earth.

and that you think you can do the same in heaven,
by 'earning' your building.
dis serves as a gentle reminder..
you can't earn it, you can only receive it.

reassured.

what can i do,
but thank You.
what can i do but give my life to You..
hallelujah, hallelujah!

what can i do,
but praise You.
everyday, make everything i do,
a hallelujah, a hallelujah!

thank You, abba Father!

hmm.

hmm, do i still need further explanation

on why am i still single?

may the good Lord bless me..

new words!

today, i came across 2 words,
that we so commonly used, but spelt wrongly!
one is found in the bible,
the other in the papers today.

goodbye is wrong!
supposed to be good-by.
dis is found in Acts!
interesting.

on-off symptoms is wrong!
supposed to be on-again, off-again.
dis is found in the papers!
interesting.

now, don't tell me you all alr knew these.
if you were gonna tell me that,
my qn to you will be,
"den why are you still using the wrong terms?"

weights.

they're all expecting desmond to deliver.
they're all depending on desmond to be strong.
they're all hoping that desmond would stand tall.
and desmond will stand tall and strong to deliver!

Lord, i commit desmond into Your hands.
may You not take his responsibilities away from him,
but grant him stronger shoulders to carry them.
grant him wisdom to change his yoke for Yours too!

waiting.

i'm finally back on track,
and i can gladly say,
God's grace is upon me once again!
though not confident, but it seems like it.

as i was reluctant as first to read the bible,
i whipped it out nonetheless,
and continued from i left off in the book of Acts.
i read out of persistence, not conviction.

and so as i was reading it,
i can literally feel my 'spiritual tank' filling up.
the more i read the 'adventures of paul, silas and timothy',
i began to feel the joy that i've missed for a long time!

so much so that i didn't even feel like getting off at city hall!
i just wanna keep reading man.
and it dawned upon me the reality of Christ once again.
my faith in Him becomes real and alive again!

some of you might haf realised,
that my recent entries had nothing much to do wif the Scriptures,
just personal thoughts, preferences and maybe dislikes.
coz i was vacillating in my walk and didn't wanna stumble pple..

but now, HOO's back in the game!
hahhaha!
and i started to think,
during paul's time was the start of AD in the calendar.

so what happened in Acts didn't happen v long ago!
and whatever God did for them,
can be done for us as well!
how He delievered them, and how precisely He spoke to them.

i became excited at dis point,
and it tweeks me to pull up my antenna
to receive God's FM!
once again, God yanked me out of the dark valley.

looking at how paul, silas and timothy moved around,
wif the prompting of the Lord.
starkly inspires me to wanna hear from God.
not to fulfill my personal desires but to see what He has for me!

char and i were talking on msn ytd before lunch,
and we strayed into the topic of 'waiting'.
how we're at our transition period of our lives,
and how we ought to wait..

although we had differing views,
i wouldn't say we've had conflicting ones.
its just different perspectives
and definitions of waiting.

most of us today,
haf the impression that waiting means doing nothing.
waiting means sitting patiently,
even in hope for something greater to come.

as much as the biblical jargons are used,
like waiting, patiently, hope, something greater.
note that i used the word 'sitting'..
it basically connotes 'doing nothing', just idling in hope.

as much as that's what human beings do.
like we usually wait for somebody,
we stand there and just wait,
hopefully the person turns up quickly.

but its a different kinda wait here.
the bible uses dis phrase time and again,
wait upon the Lord.
strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

the bible doesn't say wait for the Lord.
paul didn't wait for something to happen..
he was conscientiously doing the works of God,
WHILE something happens.

'waiting for' connotes idle.
whereas 'waiting upon' connotes working it out.
a servant doesn't wait for his master,
he waits upon him.

so as we so loosely say,
"oh, i'm waiting for the Lord to direct"
is that an excuse for not achieving and moving?
or is God only speaking sporadically?

during church camp,
the theme that i drew out from the pastors
was that God speaks constantly and consistently.
it is us who're listening sporadically..

so when we're waiting for Him,
are we not saying that we're not listening to him?
are we just living out our daily lives,
hopefully some bush catches fire and God appears to us?

we, as emotional and logical human beings,
tend to look for dramatic signs.
only when something extraordinary happened,
that is when its from God.

but we've overlooked so many times
the consistent low-key Hand of God..
our heartbeat, our breath, the revolving of the earth,
the maintenance and sustainance of the solar system.

God doesn't just appear in rainbows,
He doesn't just appear in eclipse.
neither does He speak only through a burning bush,
nor a blinding white light!

God speaks to us and reminds us every single sec,
that as long as my heart is pumping,
somebody bigger than me is maintaining it.
somebody bigger than me allows it!

Lord, help us to wait upon You.
that as we serve You and continue to seek Your face,
may Your grace be abundant in us.
may our divine eyes and ears be opened to You!

still i sing.

all of my life,
in every season,
You are still God
i haf every reason to sing.
i haf every reason to worship..

Lord, i thank You for You.
i will bring praise to You..
i will rejoice, i will declare,
that You are my victory!

thought.

i thought it would nvr haunt me again,
but it did.

i thought it wouldn't happen,
but it did.

i thought i'm wiser alr,
but apparently not.

i thought i'd been a good son,
but not good enough i guess?

i thought i'd been a great brother,
but not for long?

i thought i was over wif that,
but apparently not.

i thought i thought,
but not enough i guess?

back.

alright alright,
i'm back.
not too long ago,
one of my friend asked..

friend: do you think pple read our blogs?
des: is it coz they nvr tag?
friend: don't know? haf you ever wondered
if pple nvr read, what's the point of posting?

and then let me flashback to an earlier time,
when the SAME FRIEND said to me.
des: i think not alot of pple read my blog anyways.
friend: pple nvr tag, doesn't mean they nvr read ma!

that was just a comeback entry la.
okay, another one..
recently, pple had been commenting on my weight.
yeah, i've finally put on some weight.

in 2 days, 5 commented.
aunt: eh? you like fatter alr ar? your camp so good life ar?
gill: eh, your face like rounder alr lor!
dion: your face in your dp look fatter.

i can't quite rmb the other 2,
but seriously..
i'd been on a binging spree,
esp during church camp!

but if you were to ask me how i'm feeling abt it,
i'm not particularly happy or all excited.
in fact, i feel a lil conscious now..
can somebody explain to me why fickleness?

so anw, church camp's been quite funny.
funny not as in funny funny.
but funny as in funny..
okay, that's not funny.

church camp's quite weird.
it wasn't what i've expected
in a bad way!
i was literally tossed around spiritually.

i won't share much here,
but its nothing private,
so if you're really concerned and wanna know,
don't hesitate to ask me k!

and i think my english is deterioriating damn quickly.
or maybe i've been trying to be somebody i wasn't?
i don't know man,
but i told jac that i'm done thinking deep. HAHAHA!

its funny how i don't haf the motivation
or inspiration to blog anymore.
not having time isn't the best reason,
so maybe its really just me.

i've been more closed up eversince jan,
and now its just closing up even more i guess?
i believe if things are needed to be shared,
God will prompt pple to ask me?

i don't know.
in fact, i don't quite know what i know
and knowledge isn't all powerful to me anymore?
we'll see how my life unfolds ba.

BACK TO MY WORK AND LIFE AND AND.. WORK!
let's just pray that i can keep on smiling,
even though sometimes its really hard.
even though sometimes i really can't.

tattoos.

dis morning, it was rather interesting.
as i was again, walking in the midst of the stampede,
there was dis girl in front of me.
not a very tall one, but i'd say, quite dark..

she had a tattoo.
that caught my attention..
she was wearing a dress,
but her back was quite low-cut.

so her tattoo was half-seen,
or maybe it was just the tip of the inked iceberg.
it was a chinese character,
which i think reads, 'jian' or 'xian'.

my chinese is seriously too good man.
jian as in jian qiang de jian,
or xian as in those commonly used
in chinese names like hui xian, qi xian, that xian.

so i was just thinking abt tattoos,
and what tattoo will i put on me if i were to put one.
just then, another american guy streamed past me,
and he has a roman word on back of his forearm..

it was pretty cool,
and he looked really funky man.
baldie wif a lush goatie and aviators.
a not so bulky physique but really tall..

and so i was really thinking dis time,
what would i put.
i've always told myself,
"if i weren't a christian, i sure put one man."

and when i asked myself why i wanna put it,
where will i put it,
and what will i put,
i can't resist thinking abt identity.

some of them likes to put an 'elusive' tattoo.
like ljungberg wif his jaguar tattoo,
'climbing' out from his boxers.
i always thought that was damn nice.

those tattoos where pple can only see abit,
and probably only their wives gets the 'full picture'.
and there're also others who tattoo on more obvious places,
"so expensive! must flaunt ma. if not put for what.."

some for status and stature purposes,
where the whole body is tattooed!
more commonly, neck down.
maybe they find more security in being intimidating..

and that is the overview of the placements.
what abt the 'symbol' or 'characters' or pictures?
some calls it a fashion statement, a sign of tribal origin,
their names, their gang symbol, their status.

it is interesting,
i've a few acquaintances,
who happened to belong to some society groups.
and they used to explain to me what each tattoos mean..

there's the 'teardrop',
and even on which eye has a different meaning.
i forgot the order, but if i'm not wrong,
one means 'scouter', another means something else.

and there's also what they call, 'diam'.
means dot in hokkien.
dis one i rmb clearly.
its a dot or a line on the forehead in between the eyebrows.

a dot means he's the fighter of the group,
and the longer the line, the more experienced he is.
and there's a dot wif red colour in it,
which means he's a fighter who won't stop until he sees blood.

these are some tattoos that signifies the status
or the ranks or 'occupation' in their group.
another symbol is of coz symbols of their groups themselves.
locally, the more common ones are 'sparrows' and 'monkey'.

it is usually found on either the right or left thumb.
you know the bigger surface of your thumb?
the part closer to your wrist,
and the part not on your palm but behind.

all those that i've mentioned,
are vague memories of what i've been told in the past,
maybe its changed now.
i don't know..

but my point here is dis,
tattoos often tells you who you are.
and it seldom depicts the wrong you.
it usually tells the true inner self of you..

why do i say that?
firstly, tattoos are permanent,
they're expensive,
and they're visible.

nobody in their right mind would tattoo
something they don't like.
they'd tattoo something that represents them,
so that when pple see them, their tattoos speaks truth too!

i've a platoon of colourful dudes in army last time.
and one of them caught my attention.
he's a typical chinese hooligan,
but he has a coloured tattoo of 2 hearts stringed in an arrow.

very cute looking thing.
so i asked him,
why would you waste money putting that funny thing?
he said, last time my gf like ma!

and true enough,
it was out of impulse that he tattooed that.
and in person,
he's really impatient but would sacrifice for the ones he loved.

i've another fella who has a dragon on his right shoulder,
that stretches from his chest to his upper arm.
he's a petite guy but a thunderous voice!
quite a cute guy, and i like him alot..

he often gets buillied in sch last time,
and one day before his 'N' levels, he went to tattoo that!
spent 500-600 on that dragon.
and i didn't hafta ask to know why he tattooed.

and he said from then,
he had a lot of friends and wouldn't poke fun of him.
he loves to wear tight fitting shirts,
so when he plays arcade, pple can see the tail of the dragon.

so some really finds security in external symbols,
and they find that their most effective deterrence
would be the decorations on their skin,
visible and big..

i used to struggle v hard,
coz i can't think of what tattoo to put.
but recently,
i've finally came to a conclusion..

if i really can put,
i'll wanna put an anogram,
wif my name in greek,
and the name of Jesus in hebrew..

and where?
i'd probably either put it at the back of my forearm,
or my left lower back,
just above my full bossom..

well, what does it speak of me?
i'm baffled as well.
maybe that's why, i couldn't decide whether to put or not
and the bible decided for me.

struggling wif your identity?
not really sure who you really are?
think of what tattoos you will put and where.
that might be one of the closest depiction of you!

a walk to rmb.

after 9 yrs,
it was our first walk together.
just the 2 of us,
my hand on his planky shoulder line.

his tutor called and told me of his 'lackadaisical' attitude,
and the first thought that came to my mind,
"again.. what else is there to do?"
i was discouraged, disappointed.

nothing seem to work.
eversince i took over the burden
to be his academic monitor,
i tried ways and means to 'discipline' him.

being brought up in a traditional chinese family,
i figured that to haf any forms of virtue,
it first comes wif discipline.
and my dad truly exemplified that method in me.

and so, naturally,
after the first week of complaints,
i tried to play 'goodfather',
had a firm and assertive talk wif him, no cane.

after the talk, he seemed to be afraid,
and all set to buck up.
so that he won't hafta suffer the 'punishment'
that i've meted out to him.

"if you don't do your hw,
you'll know what you get."
"don't test my limits,
you know that when i say it, i'll do it."

these were my "know who's boss" lines,
telling him that if my parents weren't strict enough,
now i'm the new guard.
and the new guard means business..

honestly, i was hopeful in the changes.
just like how the americans were hopeful
under the new leadership.
but, to no avail.

i was furious and at the same time, discouraged.
so i had to mean my word,
and i delivered him the strokes he asked for.
after that, damage control was done.

just to make sure that his spirit is not broken.
i explained to him the reason for punishment,
and he seemed to understand it better dis time.
again, i gave him a stern warning.

thinking dis time, the strokes would strike home a point.
that if he doesn't wanna be at the mercy of the cane,
the most prudent decision,
would be to be good and finish up.

so again, i was hopeful and positive dis time.
but still, his tutor complained that he did finish,
but he anyhow did his work in hurry.
i was exasperated by now..

my dad's fav line literally came back to my mind,
"why don't you teach me how to teach you."
of coz in mandarin, and much harsher.
before i knew it, these thoughts became words..

i told my bro,
the exact thing my dad told me a decade ago.
but mine of coz, was in english,
and wif less anger, more exasperation.

nonetheless, i caned him again,
to fulfill my "promise" to him.
but dis time during my damage control,
i didn't tell him that i'll cane him if i hear complain again.

coz obviously cane didn't work,
i used my mum's tactic.
the art of guilt.
i told him, "if you don't wanna study, i'll take you out of sch"

he shook his head so vigorously,
that if i didn't ask another positive qn,
his head would drop.
so at least he shows that he knows an education is needed.

in my heart i was thinking,
"luckily still got hope. still teachable."
so again, i planned his timetable for him,
and got him to abide by it.

today, the tutor called me,
and you know how the story goes.
dis time, i was disheartened.
my heart literally broke and sank..

what else and how else can i put it across to him.
and my bro knows it too,
that he's gonna get it tonight.
even if not cane, at least an earful..

so after class i went to fetch my family,
and my bro was quiet throughout the ride home.
trying to be ready and anticipate his D-day H-hour.
but i turned to him in the car, and smiled.

i could see his face damn puzzled.
he didn't know what to make out of it,
but he reckoned that the safest thing to do,
is still not to be jovial but remorseful.

and so when we got home,
he tried his utmost to bribe me
wif his macdonalds milo upsize.
he said, "korkor, give you drink."

i was like,
"oh okay! you don't want? we share?"
den his slit-eyes suddenly opened,
even more puzzled than before.

so i told him,
"i know you're expecting me to scold or cane you,
but i won't. coz you big boy alr."
den he lit up..

after dinner, i told him
"joe, come, let's go for a walk."
he readily wore his sandals and waited outside for me.
i held his hand and we set out..

we had a 'heart to heart' talk,
and i managed to maintain a 2-way convo.
he didn't feel interrogated nor afraid,
but he sensed sincerity and maturity..

he knows that dis time,
its not all abt punishment.
but rather, identifying the problem and tackle it.
he felt more understood tonight..

and i thank God so much that i didn't lecture him tonight.
coz i was afraid that might kill his intention to even do better.
i prayed, and ask the Lord to reveal.
and i thank God i took dis route of gentleness..

we talked, laughed and asked if he likes tuition,
he said he preferred dis one than the previous,
coz firstly he likes one-to-one tuition,
secondly, the tutor is v nice..

it was an incredible bonding we had just now,
and i really thank God for opportunities like that.
but of coz,
i'll see what his tutor has to say dis coming tuition!

but its beautiful, isn't it?
and i can't help but link it to my personal walk wif God.
so many times we ourselves feel tired of living right,
of trying to please God in our finite ways..

and each time we sinned,
God too, will feel the disappointment.
but He nvr gives up on us.
He disciplines, but He nvr disappears.

it reminded me more so,
not to give up on myself.
so often, i don't even know what went wrong,
but i do know, that He'll reveal..

it is okay to feel sad and discouraged.
crying is divinely designed to help us relief.
but we must let the tears flow,
and not well up in our eyes.

coz if we continue to well it up,
and wallow in self-pity for a far too long time.
our visions will be blurred,
coz all we see is the distortion caused by the tears.

let it flow down,
and we move on.
once it flows down,
our vision will be made clearer by the tears.

likewise, we're bound to be hurt by disappointments.
but these disappointments are allowed,
only to build us up.
coz God loves us too much to leave us the way we are..

thank You, abba Father.

quotes.

in pastor kris' theology class today,
i felt so alive.
if a metaphor would help describe my feelings,
i feel like a saltwater pet fish in the ocean.

i rmb how drifted i am from God,
for the past few weeks.
and battling it within myself.
please God, or myself?

many of you will be wondering
what kind of a rhetoric is that!
but trust me,
it was really a tough decision to make.

and today, i've learnt so many nice quotes,
that brings me back to where i was before,
before i even know how feeling drained in service was,
when i was at my first love.

many of us, including me,
had a misconception of 'first love'.
we conveniently attribute it to the first time we loved,
but today, i was taught a diff meaning.

it meant 'fundamental love',
completely unrelated to passion, or lust,
or even enthusiasm or fizzy feelings..
it is actually a clear-headed decision to 'act' out of love.

let me try to quote an example.
we all know the holy trinity,
or the trinity of God consist of the 3 'forms' of God.
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

and because of the sin of ours,
the trinity had to be altered forever.
why did i say that?
God the Son had to be in flesh, for us..

get the drift?
one of the 'elements' or 'figures' of the trinity
had to depart from the close knitted realm,
and come down to earth to save us..

now, imagine our family.
we've roughly 3-5 members in our family.
and imagine one of your family members,
had to become a different form, to save a stranger.

would you like that?
dis kinda love,
only God can give.
NOTHING on earth can be comparable to that!

Jesus' cross for us,
is often depicted as the sign of God's love for us.
in the bible, John 3:16 puts in plainly to us..
He acted out of love.

it was a clear-headed decision that God made,
to allow one of the 'trinity' to be made flesh,
so that us, the unworthy ones can be saved.
His love for us didn't start from the cross..

it started when God knew He had to send Jesus for us.
that wasn't out of passion for mankind,
that wasn't out of fizzy feeling,
that wasn't out of guilt that He didn't make earth 'sin-proof'.

that was an act of a loving decision.
we've heard so many times,
actions speak louder than words,
but that's what we can see..

God went a step further,
He thought of us first,
instead of the cosy complete 'trinity' that He once had.
the thought, that birth action, that speaks love.

maybe from today on,
if those of you who agrees wif me.
might wanna re-look at our hearts when we take communion.
dis communion didn't come just like breaking bread.

it takes heartbreaking decisions,
it takes heartbreaking sufferings,
it takes heartbreaking actions,
so that we, might come closer to God thru Christ.

i absolutely loved the quotes i've learnt from them today!
these are some that we can ponder upon,
when we're questioning our standpoint in our service,
when we question the existence of God in our lives..

may these thoughts encourage you, friends.

"salvation is personal, but its not private."

"christianity is faith seeking understanding."

"put things right as we're called to."

"are you a believer, or a disciple?"

random.

these are some funny things that i came across today.
or at least, things that made me smile today..
_____________________________________________

*at the clinic*
nurse: are you having fever?
des: not that i know of.

*scans des' forehead*
*scanner beeps like there's no tmr*
*nurse looks at des, puzzled*

nurse: any traveling history?
des: not that i know of.
nurse: you sure you not having fever?
des: are you saying i've fever?

*scans des' forehead, again*
*scanner beeps like there's no next month*
*nurse looks at des, frustrated*

nurse: i'm gonna ask you one last time, any fever?
des: seriously, not that i know of. what's my temp?
nurse: you're in the danger zone.
des: what's danger zone?

nurse: you're hot.
des: oh, thanks, but no, really. *um chio*
nurse: *um chio* take dis mask and sit there.
des: okay.

*5 mins later*

nurse: hoo chuen siang~
*des stands up and walks towards the counter*
nurse: i'm gonna scan you one more time,
coz you're in the danger zone.

*scans des' forehead, yet again*
*scanner beeps continuously and loudly*
*whole clinic was amused by now*
nurse: okay, you sit there, don't go anywhere else.

*after 5 mins*
nurse: hoo chuen siang~ your turn..
*des walks into the room*
doc: hi chuen siang, are you sure you haven't traveled?

*des getting a lil irritated*
des: no.
doc: you're having fever, you know?
des: now that you tell me, i know.

doc: so what are you here for today, chuen siang?
des: sore throat, and now, i guess fever as well?
doc: oh, but you cannot take paracetomol anyway.
so just bathe more and drink more water..

-.-
_____________________________________________

*somebody taps on des' right shoulder*
*des turns to his right,
but found out that that fella was standing on his left*
alvan: eh, take picture!

oh ya, the setting was
*at a traffic junction wif green man flashing*
des: now?! cross the road la!
alvan: oh okay.

*alvan and des crossed the road*
alvan: eh, take picture. i bought new phone
wanna put as your caller id.
des: here?! in the middle of raffles city entrance?

alvan: v fast one!
*des grins in the sunny yellow banana day*
alvan: okay!
des: aight, i gotta go to the clinic now.
______________________________________________

* des was watching 7 pounds*
* des saw a subtitle that reads*
will smith: .. stacy miller..
subtitles: .. stay similar..
______________________________________________

that's pretty much the funny things i've encountered today,
or as much as i can rmb!
but on a more serious note,
dis question came into my head.

if a man chooses to die,
because if he dies, his organs can save his loved ones.
is dis still considered suicide?
a suicide that's entitled to eternal hell stay?

do.

it is much easier to do something than to trust in God.

- Oswald Chambers

uplift.

a trusted friend told me dis last night.
it was a tel convo and it went something like that..

des: i guess i'm just one complicated being man.
jes: no, its simple. you're simple des.
des: huh? meaning?
jes: i realise, things that makes you happy are simple things.

some pple work their butts off for financial security,
some pple run their ways for obscurity.
some pple study like papers were their best friends,
some pple study like papers are the worst enemies..

upon hearing what she told me,
i've come to ponder, on what really makes me happy.
what really makes me happy,
and what makes me really happy.

and i guess my sense of security comes from companionship.
i can don't earn my first million in my lifetime,
i can don't score 'A's at all in my lifetime.
but i realise i cannot live on an island..

as much as i like to live as a recluse,
i need assurance in companionship.
ytd was a classic eg of what a friend's blog once mentioned.
loneliness is when you're alone around familiar faces.

thank You Lord, for jessie.