faith?

as he handed me a copy of
'Overcoming Discouragements'.
what zing said that caught my attention was,
"i photocopied it for you."

the first thing that came to my mind was,
"wow, he remembered me.."
sucha one-liners could encourage me in times like these,
and i really thank God for that split second.

since i didn't haf much time or rather,
undivided attention for that copy ytd.
i decided to save it for today,
on my way to work.

quite strangely, i was expecting more of testimonies,
than the biblical aspect of 'overcoming'.
i was expecting more of strength and trust,
but it turned out to be a whole chapter of 'faith'..

and as i get to the most demoralising table in my office,
i decided to practice what i've read and not be too discouraged.
it was a deliberate mental note that i had to make,
in order to stay focused on Him and not on those.

and so as i was reading my daily devotionals in my email,
AGAIN, it talked abt faith.
is the Lord trying to tell me something?
or am i just being over-sensitive?

ytd as i was waiting for dinner time at starbucks,
mark and i scoured through the web and researched
on plausible courses for me.
on an honest note, i was afraid..

since the door of law had closed on me,
i was afraid to try again.
knowing that i'm placed nowhere near 'eligible' for any courses,
in any scheduled varsities.

but somehow, ytd i had the urge and the peace.
and since i was wif the admin-guru,
mark and i went ahead to screen through SIM's website,
the 'next best alternative'.

and as we looked through it,
it was funny how Mass Communication gripped my attention.
but i didn't give it much thought.
we scrolled further and saw a few others.

we shortlisted a few from SIM,
and went on to Kaplan and PSB academy.
i realised after looking at the course structures,
i'm quite an arty farty fella!

we've since shortlisted mass comm wif psychology,
english wif literature,
english wif sociology,
mass comm and journalism.

and of coz mass comm itself.
and just nice when we finished searching,
just looking up to stretch our necks,
jessie appeared!

so i randomly asked her which course
does she see desmond in.
before i could even finish listing,
she shouted "mass comm!"

suddenly a flashback of 'jessie encounters'
surged through my saturated mind,
and picked out an incident when i told her abt my law application,
she told me, "i think you're too kind to be a lawyer."

and den i went on asking her,
"so what do you see me doing in the future?"
she said, "i've always thought you're very good on stage,
very good in communication and creative arts."

and because i was starkly adamant at that time,
i stuck on wif my application which eventually fell through.
and since we're on that topic now,
i'd like to say, i didn't regret my application.

although now i'm back to square one,
considering arty courses
and again a few steps behind my peers,
i've gained more insights on lessons that sch can't provide.

and allow me to revert back to 'faith'.
somehow, dis time round,
i'm no longer concerned abt peer pressure.
no longer concerned abt where my cert will bring me to.

now, all i'm concerned abt is what i'm wired to do.
what is my naturel.
how can i please God wif my life in that sector,
and how my decisions glorify Him..

coz i can safely say,
really nothing is permanent in dis world
other than fostering a r/s wif God.
and dis r/s is ever-refreshing! it nvr stagnates.

each new day, there'll be something new to learn.
and for consolation,
these lessons are the true lessons we're here for!
and best of all, ITS FREE!

free in terms of fees,
and free for anybody of any race or accolades to learn!
how wonderful our Dean is, isn't He?
that's what learning is all about. process, not results.

and i think throughout dis whole sob-saga abt rejections,
i've learnt how to walk by faith better.
maybe coz its a scenario that i don't haf that luxury of choice,
that i cannot walk by sight or by choice, but only by faith!

so i wanna encourage those of you,
who're really struggling in decision-making,
or really feel like giving up at where you're at now,
don't.

coz these 'problems', 'issues', 'heartaches',
are ordained by God to be in your life.
not to torture you, but to make you stronger!
for every father who loves his children, disciplines them.

our Father is the model of all fathers.
our Father gives us what He thinks its best for us!
our Father doesn't succumb to fashion of dis world.
He doesn't tell us He loves us by giving us a ferrari.

but a bloodstained cross,
personally autographed by Him.