shh?

okay, i know dis is supposed to be a hush hush affair.
but i don't know why,
i can't really contain it
any longer!

I'M RICH I'M RICH!! WOOHOO!!!

hahahah, you adults must be thinking.
crazy, see abit of money only.
jump like one small boy.
i know i know..

but it's still very exciting,
seeing quite a big sum at your disposal!!

I'M RICH I'M RICH!! HAHAHAHAHH!

err.

crap.
now i even more cannot slp.
YELP~

JesusYouaresoGOOD!

wah!! i tell you..
dis month i'm quite budget,
coz my pay is coming in very late!
due to the lack of efficiency in the accounts side.

and i've been surviving on 300 bucks for 3 wks!
record man, seriously.
so my next pay which i don't know when,
will be damn alot lah!

coz it'll be one whole lump sum of 6 wks worth!
and it'll be a whole lot man!
apart from my savings,
it'll haf more digits then in my bank!

so anw, dis month i'm very tight.
in my finances and stuff..
and to be brutally honest,
i'm left wif 40 bucks for until my cheque comes in.

but lo and behold!
as i was praying,
and spending time wif God,
i turned off my monitor.

and when i'm done,
and turn my monitor back on.
i saw jo msn me!
"wah, GST come in ah?"

den i just rmbed,
oh yah ar! 1 july!!
so i go and check,
true enough!!! $200 richer!!!

ka-ching ching chinG!
so fun being old,
for the hardwork our forefathers sowed,
i'm reaping it as an adult in singapore!

hahhaha!
thank God man..
now i can definitely tide thru my 'dry' period,
until my fat cheque comes in!!

painsofanap!

SHIT, I CAN'T SLEEP!!
HELP, I'VE GOTTA WORK TMR!
HOW HOW HOW??

vanity.

ahh, i love my job!
hahahha!
eh, don't roll your eyes ar!
see my face better than see words right!

i really think i look like FBI (rookie).

the view from the supreme court viewing gallery!
i can even point out exactly where p and jac works at..
and how near they are actually to me!
quite cool.

whereartthou?

when we were young,
our parents probably taught us,
to admit when we break something.
they probably taught me quite well on that.

but i don't know abt you.
probably you've nvr broken anything
when you were a kid,
hence you don't really know how to handle it.

where haf all these values gone?
when you broke something,
not only did you not admit,
you feigned ignorance and walked away.

and if i were that thing,
you probably would've told me,
"stop being in self-pity and pick yourself up."
how to?

but it's okay,
as long as you're happy the way you are.
happy wif the way things turns out.
happy wif who you are.

i'm willing to compromise,
willing to put down my viewpoints,
and with my broken porcelains,
walk wif you..

that's if you don't mind a broken porcelain,
and make-do musking tapes,
a lil out of shape,
a lot more less than perfect, me.

toodeep.

i don't know how long has dis been.
been telling myself i'm fine.
been telling myself as long as they're happy.
been telling myself must put others first.

its been so drilled into me,
that i didn't even notice i'd been uncared for.
its been so long,
eversince somebody told me, i'm only human.

if a picture speaks a thousand words,
den its either the picture isn't big enough.
or these words just happened to be after that thousand.
wrenching, yet warming.

"you can't always be the strong one, sometimes you need to be encouraged as well cos we're all humans and we struggle too right?"

stability.

most of you honorary readers,
would by now
know that i'm a guy who needs stability,
and probably routines to keep me sane.

and what an irony.
a fact or rather,
a reason that i was whining abt
in my previous post!

nothing to blog abt!
and no drama and happenings in my life.
and is that a bad thing?
nope, certainly not!

if you wanna know more,
set a time, we'll go for drinks sometime!
i can gif you personal updates!
like i've said, if you're interested..

but then again,
come to think of it.
is there really no happenings in my life?
or i chose not to blog it in here?

hmm, i wonder..
but all i can conclude for now,
i'm a confused guy,
in a simple world.

for an update!
i'm supposed to be at this conference tmr!
an Indian Delegation..
a whole day event!

and guess what,
i'm the cameraman!
and i've to wear a blazer..
what link!

but i'm secretly loving it.
hahhaha!
dressing up to work,
has always been my motivation.

shallow as it may seem,
but admit it!
i know you like dressing up to work too,
and you know it feels good!

hahhaha!
big event, pple of mad CVs.
and a hall full of dark-skinned pple..
hopefully i'll get use to the colour imbalance in a couple of minutes.

and hopefully i won't see too many sikhs!
so that i won't hafta kek my tendency to
pinch pple and ask,
"bah yi simi sek!"

eh?

why like got nothing to blog abt alr?
is it coz i've got nothing else to say?
is it coz i've not been thinking much lately?
or is it coz i don't know alr?

maybe?

=)

this is a happy post!!~

king of wishful thinking.

I'll get over you.. I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give in to my blues
That's not how it's going to be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't want to let you see.. no
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself..

I will never, never shed a tear for you
I'll get over you
If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself..

I'll pretend my heart's still beating
'cause I've got no more tears for you
I'm the king of wishful thinking..

soonerorlater.

a decision has to be made.
and i choose..

lovehopes.

love hopes.
as i struggle wif my own issues,
as i come to terms wif my faults,
as i come to terms wif myself.

these 2 words were the title,
of a chpt in the book i just completed today!
a total of 9 letters,
can strike 9 diff chords in the torments of my heart.

guess God still drops messages to me huh?
He knows i'm more linguistic,
He had grace and dropped words for me,
to interprete and be encouraged.

i thank God for everything that has happened,
till date!
the happy times, the not so happy ones all the same.
coz God allowed those days for me to enjoy and learn!

i wouldn't say i'm not hoping for anything.
i wouldn't say i don't look out for you anymore.
i just wanna say,
thank you for being my friend.

i've said it a hundred times,
and i hope you know i mean each one i said.
you may be tired of all my weird ethics,
give me some time.

just don't give up on me.
will you?
just don't give up on us.
will you?

i hope you don't.
coz too much is at stake.
seasonal or not,
we just try our best yah?
and i mean our BEST..

pissed.

if you don't wanna be a friend, den so be it!
don't judge me for being one. i don't deserve all these for being who i am.

hai.

3 secs of folly,
3 wks of shame.
faster grow back!!

we've all grown.

i'd say,

it's a bittersweet feeling now.
but i learnt alot from it!
really..

earliest signing of the camp!

still can't believe they same age,
but its a sweet sight.

aww,
every break is a power nap!

my cute emcees!

POP-EYE!

ALFRESCO BBQ!

guohui's expertise!

marko's expertise!

my mexican tra-la-las!

a controversial dream came true.
shit!
why is it that i can imagine myself balding..

milestone in HOF!
so glad we made it..

vainpots.
that's the whole committee!

karen: desmond somehow has dis attractive thing abt him
when he commands the camp, don't you think so?
aww!!

thought it was a great learning experience,
and we had shitloads of fun!
during the camp,
and maybe preparing for it?
don't know abt the rest,
but i did enjoy myself,
ALOT!
** This entry is to make up for the unglam olden days of our youths. we've indeed grown! **

HAHHAHAH!!

** Contents below may be vulgar or offending to some. Note that any familiar persons are purely COINCIDENTAL. Disputes shall be resolved through Arbitration. **

who would've thought.

i miss them in church.
potential leaders,
some commented.

omg, okay. i shan't be mean!
HAHAHAHA!

mayteng,
seriously..

legend.
how on earth did he have 5 girlfriends in sec sch?!?!

HAHAHHAH!
sandals..
HOT!

HAHAHHAAHAHAHAH!!
dis just HAVE to be featured!
ah long san da jie.

mass dance!

oh, i miss them!
seriously..
been 4 yrs,
but still so vivid.

infidelity?

was just chatting wif my folks.
and my mum was telling me,
"guy should study finance,
got alot of areas can consider"

den i was telling her,
i'm still thinking of what to study.
won't be deciding until next yr.
and..

my dad interrupted,
"aiyah, you very fickle-minded wan lah
one moment wanna do dis,
one moment wanna do that."

of coz he said all these in teochew,
and my mum added on in hokkien.
i just sighed in english,
and my sis is laughing at me in chinese.

maybe i'm lidat,
is because i'm really scared to make a mistake again?
i really don't wanna regret my choice of major.
i don't wanna regret anymore!

ahh, the fears of the heart,
the actions projected as fickled.
the dreads of the future,
the actions projected as laziness.

oh well, whatever it is.
i'm gonna pray and wait..
may the Lord be my guide.
may the Lord be my Counsellor!

boring sat, hokkien songs!

HAHAHAHHAHA!
on a super boring sat,
i'm sitting in front of my com.
listening to HOKKIEN songs!

wu yin boh yin,
ai jit bian wan yin.
wu xin bo xiu,
ai jit lian wan pian!

HAHAHHAA!!
shit, i feel damn at 'home'
listening to these songs lah!
damn serious.

still rmb when i used to still stay at home
on sat/sun mornings when i was young.
my aunty would blast her hokkien gua at home!
so loud that i can hear it from my room!

but i'm secretly lovin it.
kenneth and i would sometimes shout the song along!
those were the childhood days!
dickson would just seat on the sofa play gameboy.

talking abt that IT whiz.
he's in tekong now.
while i was sleeping just now,
could hear his voice hovering around in my house.

but was too tired,
to get up and wish him all the best.
shit, i know how it feels man!
DAMN SIAN!

but he'll be a better man after dis lah!
i've faith that the army is tough enough,
to pry the lazy bones outta him!
and plant some urgency in him.

was talking to my sister just now,
and asked her how was he when they sent him off.
she say, "he quite sian, like you that time.
he didn't finish his food also.

den he kept saying,
siao liao siao liao!
when we were leaving on the bridge.
he like abit emo."

wah, i feel sad for him also lah!
i know exactly what's going thru his mind man!
and all the diff kinds of pple,
ah bengs, ah guas, nerds, siao ons!

DICKSON, ALL THE BEST!
IF YOU MISS HOME,
CALL BACK!
WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.
(though to diff gods.)

sigh.

i saw your face,
in a crowded place.
but i don't know what to do,
coz i'll nvr be with you..

but one thing that'll stay true,
you're beautiful.
indeed beautiful..

otherhalf.

yes i know,
i've been on dis topic long enough by now.
but i really can't help but ponder on it..
what kinda other half i really want.

and i've put images of pple aside,
and searched my heart,
when i asked God to lead me.
to reveal to me what kinda girl He has for me.

here goes.

1. i want a lady who can hold hands and pray.
pray for one another.
pray for each other's needs,
and our needs as a couple.

2. i want a lady who has her own life,
but not neglecting the r/s.
r/s to be of a certain priority,
in terms of time and committment.

3. i want a lady who'll be honest wif me.
who will dare to confess and apologize,
when she knows she's in the wrong
so that we can gently embrace one another in forgiveness.

4. i NEED a girl who's committed,
to God, to me, to the r/s.
can still commit in the lack of fluttery feelings,
and stick with me through tough times as well.

just 4, Lord i commit them into Your hands.
i rest my case.
i realised that the more i try to search for her,
the more disappointed i become.

Lord, i come to You now.
wif all of my "criterias",
amend it if You're not pleased,
allow it if You will..

in 3 yrs to come,
Father, let me meet dis lady.
that you've so delicately created..
Father, i trust Your taste for me!

choir at its best!

siac!

aight, enough of emo stuffs.
here are 2 pictures we took at work!
these are taken before the "tea-session" uncle boo's chairing.
in SIAC terms, "tea-session" basically means,
either more work!
or more scolding!
hahaha!

in the army,
if we wanna scold, just use hp and scold on the spot.
in the working world,
or in uncle boo's world.
even scoldings are so civilised.

hahaha! what a stark contrast.
i'm lovin it.

the lady in pink is the asst counsel
i'm working with!
she's henny..
she's from indonesia!

and she is licel,
from philipines.
she's really funny..
her laughter's contagious!

noneedtosaygoodbye

i mean every single word in dis video.
EVERY WORD!

last but not least.

dis is prolly the last entry i'll be so frank.
i really don't wanna jeopardize dis whole thing!
not again,
not anymore!

we're finally getting better at it.
you know what i'm driving at.
you know who i'm talking abt.
you know what i know.

alright alright,
dis is the last.
but not the least..
i'll let it rest from here.

rest and not go,
let it rest and not let go.
there's no point pushing things,
there's no point expecting.

when i myself know its not now,
den what do i want now?
honestly, i want to know you more.
and to know that you know me too..

till then,
Lord, i bury my feelings here.
and one day i'll take it out again,
when you tell me "des, you're ready."

then, i'll know its Your will,
and not just mine.
dis is gonna be a risk taker!
but i'll give all i have..

let me?

Walk away if you want to
It's okay if you need to
Well you can run but you can never hide
From the shadow that's creeping up beside you
There's a magic running through your soul
But you can't have it all

Whatever you do, I’ll be two steps behind you
Wherever you go, and I’ll be there to remind you
"That it only takes a minute of your precious time
To turn around, I’ll be two steps behind"

Take the time to think about it
Walk the line, you know you just can't fight it

Whatever you do, I’ll be two steps behind you
Wherever you go, and I’ll be there to remind you
"That it only takes a minute of your precious time
To turn around, I’ll be two steps behind"

so glad.

so proud of the worship team today!
yamahoo, as they calls it.

during the camp,
seeing them enjoy the fellowship and laughter
even while clearing up.

being the last to leave,
and having to do the grunt work,
when they're not even involved in it.
so heartwarming!

they've really grown.
matured, and united.
they may not share their deepest secrets,
but they share common topics.

they may not go shopping wif one another,
but they support each other.
like angel supporting bel at hearts at work/MKC.

like weiming supporting kok keng and i,
in clearing up and talking rubbish together!
wif alvan sharing wif me his struggles,
and how much he's sian of his group and sch.

i'm so glad we're going somewhere.
though i do not know where exactly,
but we're definitely growing as one!

Facing the Giants.
i can totally identify wif the show..
and how it translates to me is as such.

what are some 'giants' in my life now?
namely, lack of trust and confidence.
but after today,
i know NOTHING is impossible wif God.

and for the 3rd time i heard it,
'Honour God and He'll honour the
desires of your heart.'

i've held dis very closely to my heart,
coz i really needed that encouragement.
to myself, i told God.

i really want it.
i really do.
and if i don't get 'it' at the end of the day,
help me to still love You.

things had been working out.
things had been looking really good.
as i continue to pray and seek Your Face,
Lord, reveal to me clearer signs!

i need to be assured,
and know that You're okay wif me going ahead.
You're okay wif me making dis decision,
and You'll bless me with all that i need.

thank You, Lord.
for Your consistency and love for me.
i can see You at work again,
those familiar Hands..
i thank You Lord.

trying.

i'll be your crying shoulder,
i'll be better when i'm older..
i'll be your friend whom you're comfortable.

even if it means not getting the friendliest smile,
but i know i'll get the most genuine frown..
to me, that's sweetness and comfort.

i'll be your part time lover, and a full time friend.

not now, not yet!

no comments.

Lord, You have spoken.
now its up to me to listen.

open up my divine eyes to see what You have for me.
open up my divine ears to listen to what You have to say.

i don't have many choices left,
i only have You.

restore my soul, merciful God.
rekindle my passion in life.

i'm really sick and tired of worrying,
Father, take over now.
take over now..

love is kind.

it is better to make a mistake in kindness, than to do a miracle with unkindness.

- Mother Teresa

am i kind to the person who pissed me off today?
am i kind to the person who snatched my seat?
am i kind to the person who shouted at me,
just coz he's having a bad day?
am i kind enough to return a smile?
am i kind enough to say 'thank you' loud enough?

Lord, pls empower me to be kind.
in my words and deeds.
Lord, pls teach me to love pple Your way,
in my thoughts and words and deeds.

In Jesus name,
i ask.
Amen.

praying mantis.

its been a long time now.
eversince those alloys are fitted on my teeth,
my legs had been rusty.
my body feeling like jelly.

and so today when i came home after work,
i immediately changed.
brought 3 of my friends for a run!
they're my childhood friends.

i did my usual warm ups,
and guess what.
my heart was beating quite fast alr!
how to run lidat!

but i just went nonetheless,
after merely 3 mins.
one of my friend, stomach,
was alr grumbling.

kept protesting nvr enough,
very hungry.
but of coz i didn't care lah!
he and his stupid grumbles..

so as i was running, when i barely hit the 5 min mark,
i was damn tired alr sia!
like super out of breath and i can feel,
gastritis, bronchitis, all sorts of tis.

and i told myself,
"wah! if i really run somemore,
i might just become a praying mantis lah!"
literally praying for help.

but i didn't care much and just went on.
and then my other two friends also complain.
they're twins btw!
one's called le, and the other gs..

my friends all damn weak lah!
run abit only cannot take it.
last time they used to be damn good.
my running buddies.
now, i think the 4 of us can just retire.

with all these thoughts, i only merely
covered 1/6 of what i set out to complete.
and told myself,
"okay okay, we'll make a u-turn at dion's house."

and i kept running,
and my friends just couldn't stop making noise.
but i just kept quiet and remained focused.
coz i really need to build up again!

finally, i reached whitesands!
but this time,
my mind was constantly distracted by old chang kee!
ahh, the good ol' curry puff..

and so, i dragged my friends along.
and kept getting them to forge ahead!
reaching the u-turn point alr..
a bit more!!

in the meantime,
i was thinking
"why i haven't reach my runner's best yet?!"
i was super tired by now.

and just then,
i saw dion's place right ahead!
i sped up and cross the traffic light,
over to the other side.

and this is a whole new war i had to fight!
the going back is always the toughest!
but my trainer used to tell us,
"your return lap should always be faster!"

so i sped up,
partly coz i wanna get over and done wif this torment.
and i was running and running.
looking at different kinds of pple going home.

suddenly,
i heard my friend, gs
"prak!"
he exclaimed!

his hip was almost dislocated.
think really too long nvr run alr,
seriously rusty.
but i pulled him and continue running.

each step he takes,
there's a crack.
but i told him,
"c'mon gs! we're almost there! don't give up now!"

by now, we're really almost there.
back at the park where i started.
the familiar pull up bars,
and the track!

by this time,
i myself was tired too.
really really tired.
everything came to a standstill for that split second.

when we stopped,
my twin friends almost fainted.
luckily i brought them to rest somewhere.
and they were suspended in the air for a while,
when i finish my run with pull ups.

my other friend, stomach.
was almost shrinking in size man.
all he wanted,
was just anything other than air.
water's fine too, he said.

and so i brought them back home.
now they're settled.
stomach ate his dinner,
le's crossed, while gs is bent over.

okay, i seriously think if every man
are supposed to get a disease when they grow old.
mine would be schizophrenia.
HAHHAHAHA!

love is patient.

Before my lips curse,
Lord grant me patience.
Before my heart swears,
Lord grant me wisdom.

Your bloodied face and blue eyes,
are not eyes of pity.
are not eyes of shame.
but eyes of compassion..

You don't need our help,
You don't need us to feel sad for You,
All You wanted,
is for us to believe You.

Oh Lord, my God.
How awesome is that sight where You bore the Cross.
And at the same time,
How painful to see my Saviour crucified for me.

Many times we cursed and swear!
Many times we harboured evil thoughts!
Lord, woe be unto us.
But Jesus, You took the nails on our behalf.

Help me not crucify You again,
with the very sins i commit,
with the very curses i utter,
Holy Spirit, be my Guide i pray!

if i changed each "love" in 1 cor 13,
to my very own name.
how much more of a liar will that make me.
God, i need Your loving kindness.

Help us to live in the overflow of Your love.
Help us to be glad in Your love.
Help us to extend Your love to others.
Help us to love ourselves.

Before love is anything else,
love is patient.
Let me love pple around me with Your love.
Let me love pple around me with Your love..