FINALLY!!

yes, finally..
my aunt called on thurs and asked,

aunt: ah siang what colour you want? i'm at DFS now.
des (at work): got what colour?
aunt: got light brown, dark brown and black.
des: which colour you think nicer? i thnk dark brown?
aunt: yah lor, black like your papa carry one. brown nice.
des: hahaha. really meh? okay lor, dark brown then.
aunt: okay ar? with the coin or without?
des: with with.
aunt: okay.
des: how much is it?
aunt: very cheap lah.

*toot toot tooooooot*

yah, she hangs up without saying bye.
i think when you reach 40.
you seldom care abt goodbyes,
all you care abt is GOODBUYS!!

so here it is!
my elephant-lookalike BULL!
but its an indian bull (black),
last time it used to be an american bull (silver).

but i've got not complaints!
its really a blessing to have her as my aunt.
how i wish i can have her as my
sister-in-Christ too.

nvm lah!
one fine day, she'll be.
i just love my family too much.
hahahaa!

hey! that's a chinese bull!
we'll call it bu luan bu fei.

see the indian bull?
we'll call it 'braunakash'?

ahh, screw off!

can you see the tear?
but it'd served me well.
oh well..

BYE!

pressures.

some of you may know,
i'd been in a fix lately.
let me try to describe how it feels like,
can't be completely accurate, but i'll try.

entangled arteries with the veins,
around the pumping organ the size of a fist.
out of it comes blood,
and out of it comes life too.

couldn't really figure the difference.
the purple or the green one.
one's dirty and going back in,
one's been regenerated and coming back out.

so ironic how flowery it should feel
when your heart's tickled.
but this time, it feels different.
it feels messy and unclean.

this isn't what i am last time,
i wasn't this unsure.
i wasn't this jumpy.
and i wasn't this shaky.

ahh, if only you could make sense out of this.
tell me abt it, over tea and kueh lapis.
i'll gladly read into your 'thesis'
or it'll soon become a disease.

in my QT tonight,
i've learnt in John 16:23.
"In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."

i've been asking God ever since it started.
the 'it' that is still so close,
yet i can't disclose.
oh, the pains of the troubled.

and oswald chambers answered my prevailing queries.
he said it simply,
"until the resurrection life of Jesus is fully exhibited in you, you have questions about many things."

and when you come to a point of total reliance
on the resurrection life of Jesus,
which brings you into complete oneness with the Lord.
you'll find that you've no more questions to ask.

when will that day come?
when can i ever fully rely on God.
i'd say its a tall order for me,
coz i'm not a very trusting person.

but i'll con't to pray,
pray til something happens.
i know something will happen one day,
i'm learning to trust that God will give me only the best.

today at work,
i was super busy.
after a few hrs, i decided to seat back.
and take a pause and make sense out of things.

suddenly an image of my parents came to mind,
and subtitled "not much time left."
i felt the sense of remorse,
and regret and urgency..

i really felt very sad and scared.
wondering how to evangelise to my folks.
i've always envied christian children with christian parents.
at least they're saved.

but mine aren't.
they're always telling me they don't mind going church,
but got work, cannot make it.
argh!

and the 'desmond' i am at home,
is not good enough for them to see the change!
or rather, not consistent enough.
to convince them i've changed.

and i've got no christian aunties/uncles,
or they don't haf any christian friends to hear from.
the pressure is mounting up on my shoulders.
i'm at loss and panic.

it feels like i've been casted in "Saw V"
where life is at stake,
and time is running out!
yes, that's what i'm feeling now.

so for the few of you who're reading dis.
do keep me and my family in prayer.
time is running out.
time is really running out.

when will that day come?

blue world.

today don came to lunch wif me at funan!
my first time at some "cheaper" alternative
in town!
and so we see the stupid "tissue paper" culture.

don and i were like,
"wah lau, these pple really ar.."
den i rmb jac's face!
when i said, "wah! u finally bring tissue out!"

and she replied smugly,
of coz!
if not how to chop seat in raffles place!
...

and so, our dear friend does it too!
hahahha!
but really quite irritating lah,
hafta share table wif others.

and right and right!
wah tsk wah wah tsk!!
as i was queuing up for my chicken rice,
this auntie behind me ar.

wah! she really must..
don't know what to say sia.
she stood so close to me ar,
until i can feel every breath she takes lah!

den i tried to be nice and inch forward,
she came closer again lah!
like, "eh, what's up man!"
the chickens won't fly away lah!

she like damn scared pple cut her queue sia.
den nvm, i ordered when its my turn,
before i could bend down and take tray,
she screamed her order.

wah. really must stop it lah she!
so kan jiong sia!
she must've been out in the working world for damn long.
so well trained in SAVING precious lunch time.

den okay, i got my 2 plates of chicken rice
and was making my way back.
these pple cannot hear wan leh!!
until i hafta shout, "EXCUSE ME".

den they'll move their sorry buns away.
like no ears to hear,
use eyes to see and observe lah!
tsk.

these execs ar,
really i think some of them rushed out of their office.
they must've left their manners behind.
hai.

so much for wearing nice clothes,
and behaving like that.
so much for being business savvy,
and behaving like that.

but nvm.
patience, dessimondie.
luckily my cell prayed for extra portion of patience,
before we ended cell.

aight, don't mind me yah?
just needed to let it out.
quite disgusted by what i've encountered today.
work's been busy, but good..
=)

opportunites?

i've been confused over a few things recently.
one of which is abt friendship.
which i've alr known who to trust and who not to.
so one of which is settled.

but on friendship generally.
haf u got any possessive friends?
not even opp sex.
same gender! and petty..

just wondering why is it so hard to maintain friendships?
i used to disagree wif don,
when he says, "friendships are seasonal"
i just find it so hard to swallow.

but i guess its apparently true.
one day they can tell u dis abt themselves,
another day, u realise their actions just contradicted it.
and u're left to figure it out on your own.

things can never be the same as before,
that i agree.
but things can be as nice and real,
if u put in that extra effort to practice what u preach.

oh well, i wouldn't deny that time change, pple change.
but its just so hard to accept isn't it?
and somedays u're left alone thinking,
when u thought things are going on fine.

i thought i was just being over-sensitive abt it,
but i think sometimes,
we can't reproach ourselves and take all the blame.
sometimes we've to accept the truth.

on a separate note,
i've been advised by one of the counsels
to take a part time law degree.
they say law and engineering is a good mix too.

seems like engineering is a good mix wif everything!
good mix wif law,
good mix wif banking and finance,
good mix wif trading.

but as i'm still deciding on the course to major in,
i must be constantly in check wif my motive.
whether is it for money and glamour,
or is it really my passion.

if u'd ask me if i enjoy what i'm doing now,
i can tell u yes!
apart from the nice clothes and clok clok shoes,
i realise i haf a gift in admin stuff!

liaison, letter drafting,
organising hearings, filing,
checking of the tenses in the letter,
transcripting, and many more i do..

i really enjoy reading the cases too.
how things are actually processed.
what are the proper proceedings of each case,
and the nature of dispute.

but when i read the brochure,
on part time degree in law (LLB)
it says that i cannot be a practitioner in the bar of s'pore.
den study for what right?

i spoke to one of the counsels,
and she told me.
well, u can be a counsel, like me.
or a corporate lawyer..

don't earn as much as those argumentative lawyers,
but u earn a reasonable salary,
u get ur weekends and fixed working hours.
u haf a good balance in life and work!

sounds good to me,
but what happened to my banking goal?
why i wanna be an investment analyst in the first place?
why i prefer the finance sector?

maybe coz of the good salary,
and also coz i wanna help pple around me invest wisely.
and help them earn more money.
live a better life.

argh.
i'm so confused..
so many things to pray abt.
crossroads in life are tough!
but exciting!

oh oh!
and nich tan also mentioned that
uncle ben has intentions to bring
don and i down to main service.
and lead worship.

oh well,
am i ready?
luckily don told uncle ben to hold on first.
not so fast..

what's holding me back?
stage fright?
shy?
see! i told u i'm shy..

oh man!!
all these are may seem small to u huh?
but it matters to me man.
milestones in life.
hahaha!

i just love attending friend's birthdays.
always get good comments.
and it really feels good to be "watched at"
hmm, i should stop all these man!
seriously.

??!

i'm so confused.

really.

its not that easy,
i'm not that sort of person.
i really am not playing.
in fact, i'm hurting.

is dis a facade i created for myself,
to get over my pains?
is dis a mask i'm wearing,
to heal my hurts?

it does look like i'm having a helluva time!
but i sure am having a hell of a bad time,
in me!
in the very sacred part of me.

it's really not easy,
to be against your heart.
when your brain says dis,
ur heart disagrees.

and they're in the same body!
for goodness sakes,
be more compromising would u pls..
ahh. the agonies of feelings.

i wish i could turn back time,
i wish i could go back to when i was 12.
there're so many things i wanna change,
so many things i wanna do..

but then again,
we're taught to look forward right?
sure its easier said than done.
think i'm gonna regret alot more next time.

can i make a decent decision?
can i make a choice which i won't regret?
will i ever be wise enough?
will i ever be happy enough?
just for once.

just for once..

does it?

love hurts
but sometimes it's a good hurt
and it feels like i'm alive.
love sings
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
cause without love i won't survive

hmm, does love really hurt?

when Jesus died on the cross for us out of love,
it hurts. right?
i mean, the whipping and stuff.
even God, the Father, turned His face away.

when a boy loves a girl,
and the girl loves the boy too.
it hurts the wallet, right? (sometimes)

when a boy loves a girl,
and the girl doesn't love the boy.
it hurts. needless to say!

like the 'Mythbusters' shown on discovery channel.
after deciding on the myth,
they'll debate, work it out.
and see if the myth really stands.

in this case,
the myth stands!
love REALLY hurts huh.
it should be included in the Bible.
hahaha!
should i be kidding?
u decide.

ohmy.

i seriously feel like the donkey.
but then again,
at least the donkey's resting!
hahahha.
oh well, working life.
such is fun?
no complaints lah.
at least time is passing fast
and i'm not wasting time doing nothing!

papercuts.

as i was washing my hands,
suddenly i felt pains here and there!
and when i look closely,
they're papercuts..

was reminded today,
that many times i was too busy wif my life.
and when somebody or something
say/do something..

it'll cause me to think,
and that process i'll equate it
as when water first touched my palms.
my unknowingly injured palms.

aren't there times where we ourselves,
are hurt or "injured" unknowingly?
until we take a break and let the Water touch us?
then, only we can tell we're broken?

Lord, i thank You for this gentle
but real and practical reminder.
that many times,
when we thought we were focused,
when we thought we were on the right track.
we're hurt even before we know it.
we're disturbed and distracted unknowingly.
Lord, even in my ministries.
help me to stay connected with You,
i want to be able to sense and feel You.
just so that i know i'm with You.
Lord, open the eyes of my heart!
in Jesus' Name,
i ask.
Amen!

vesakouting.

and so i went out with the oldies today,
went to east coast park.
it was super crowded!
saw so many tudongs..
they really like camping and
outdoor communal living man!



there's supposed to be jeremiah too.
but he was cycling when i snapped..
that guy cycled from east coast park to changi beach,
AND BACK to east coast park lah!
he's mad.

woah! guess what.
i went out with a group age a total of 92yrs old!!!
excluding me of coz.
i'm so young,
out of their league..
HAHAHAA.
u do the math!

appreciation.

when was the last time u said 'thank u'
and u meant it?
when was the last time u wrote a card
and showed appreciation?

and when was the last time
u screamed at somebody who screwed up?
when was the last time
u thought to urself, "i'd haf done it better than him!"

the last time i thanked someone and meant it,
was when i got my job.
though i haven't told uncle boo how much
i appreciated that opportunity he's willing to give me.
but i did thank God for it!
and i'll go to him personally when he comes back.

the last time i thought i could've done better than someone,
was when i'm on the way home on the train on friday.
dis army guy refused to give up his seat for dis frail old lady!
so i shook my head and gave up mine to her.
and gave him the disgusted stare.

but it suddenly hit me that,
"maybe the army guy needs the seat just as bad?
why can't he be sick and feeling faint?"
the Lord convicts..
you'll nvr know how much that person had been doing for u,
until he stops doing it.

tmr is vesak day,
but for me.
tmr is appreciation day!
i'm gonna make the effort to thank pple and mean them!
coz i know they deserved to be appreciated!
can't wait for tmr!

rest-days.

had the weekends after 2 days of work.
i guess fatigue hasn't struck me as yet,
but i thank God for weekends and public holidays.

though it may seem boring at times,
though it may seem uncalled for..
but these are the days intended for REST,
even if nobody calls u out.

on a seperate note,
i realised hanging out may not be a good thing sometimes.
pple getting bored of u,
chances of offending pple are higher.

and i've heard it one too many times.
"i cannot hang out wif that that person,
or hang out at that place too many times in a wk.
i'll get BORED wan!"

nobody has actually told me,
"eh, i'm bored wif u alr leh. how?"
but i know exactly how it feels,
to be a bore to someone.

whether someone close to ur heart,
or an acquaintance.
its nvr a compliment,
nor an encouragement.

and as i was driving back,
dis stupid thought came to mind.
"think i'm nearing the expiry date.
better put myself into the fridge and be a cold turkey,
before it turns sour."

though i laughed at myself,
but to a certain extent.
i feel its so valid.

sometimes, too much of a good thing
is bad.
sometimes, too much of a good thing
is addictive.

and for cold turkey,
i mean in both ways!
to withdraw and to suffer the symptoms.

but i guess its necessary,
to back off a lil.
coz i really don't want it to turn sour.

a short term suffering,
for a long term reward.
is worth suffered for..
and i know what it'll be at the end of the 'refrigerating'

but other than that,
i haf no other choice..
my happiness worth alot,
but yours worth alot more.

sincerity?

we can worship God imperfectly, but we cannot worship Him insincerely.

feeling close.

i wanna feel.
i wanna feel again.
i wanna feel right again.
i wanna feel right with u again.

i wanna be.
i wanna be close.
i wanna be close again.
i wanna be close to You again.

routines.

aight, so i've started work at SIAC on thurs.
yep, its the "uncle boo's company".
thanks to a very kind friend who GAVE UP her opportunity,
it ended up vacant for me!

being the desperate and broke me.
i've decided to take it up,
even though its not what i've intended to start off as.
but its given by God, i suppose.

i'm working as a Case Mangement Officer (cmo)
for dis 1st month,
i'm considered a temp staff.
so i'm paid hourly!
the pay's not that bad,
but of coz cannot compare to some $8/hr man..

i'm contented though.
next month onwards,
if they still want me.
i'll convert to perm staff then.

hahaha!
i quite like my job actually,
so far at least..

okay, i basically assist the assistant counsel.
prepare the documents for the case.
draft out letters for parties to sign,
and book venues and snacks for hearings, etc..

I'M NOT AN OFFICE BOY!
its quite alot of reading,
analysing, typing, emailing, printing,
sorting, talking and so on..

okay, i like my job because
i can wear nice clothes to work.
hear my shoes "clok" when i walk.
that's abt it.

HAHAHAHH!!
am i really that shallow to u?
of coz not JUST THAT!

i like it because its alot of liasing,
and talking to parties,
arbitrators, assistant counsels and stuff.
quite alot of interactions.
and that exposes me to the working world!

why are formalities needed,
why things hafta be so "gei kao"!
like one fax only mah!
still must attach the fax report and all that.

yah, that sort of thing.
but many times i take these for granted.
and pple might use a nitty gritty to get back at u!
and u'll lose ur case.

and i like it because its stable.
it has a routine.
like every morning wake up at 7,
bathe, drink milo, listen mp3.

unplug at city hall,
walk to office, login to my com,
reply emails, read newspaper,
do more work, make tea and drink.

do even more work, lunch.
then do more work, make milo and drink,
den send out a final round of replies,
go toilet wash hands.

knock off, plug in to mp3,
walk to mrt station, take train home,
eat dinner, do qt, go online, blog,
watch tv, sleep.

and routines keep me in tuned to God!
keeps me disciplined and focused,
on what needs to be focused on.
lets me talk to God a bit more..

yeah, and i really like Him a lot more these days.
sounds very crazy huh?
the word 'like',
but yah! i think i know Him abit better now.

its fun! and the best part,
is that i'm paid!
for doing what i like and its really a blessing.
it really is.

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.
i thank You for giving me all these.
friends to eat with.
friends to go home with.
friends to talk to.
friends to sms to when i'm bored.
colleagues that are understanding.
colleagues that are friendly.
family to go home to.
many small conversations wif You.
many more truths abt You.
a job that gives me enough to spend.
Lord, i pray that apart from all these,
i can glorify Your Name.
i can show Your love to pple around me.
i can show Your grace to pple around me.
Lord, teach me to be more loving and patient,
teach me to be more like You, Jesus.
Hallelujah!
in Jesus' name i give thanks,
Amen!

really.

no matter what, keep me close to You!

ahh, so true!

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

say.

sometimes we just hafta
say what we need to say.
and know that He will be with us,
as we say the toughest things!

a legacy.

would it be an irony if i say,
i miss them?
damn, i really do..
the things we do together.
from boys, to men!

simple pleasures.

ended up having a peaceful meal,
in my cosy little corner.
my legendary vitasoy and tom yam myojo!

i've came to realise and prove,
that money cannot buy u quite a few things.
sometimes, pleasures in life
are just simple things that God provided.

ice cream by the beach under the stars,
cup noodles, vitasoy and computer,
playing G and C on a guitar and singing a song,
a love song unto Him.

and what matters most,
is the peace and joy u feel within.
that's indescribable!

pls?

i need all the strength i can garner!
ever in my life,
to say those 3 words to my mum.
God, pls pls help me!
and also help her,
to know how to handle her son saying those to her!
amen.

apt.

Matthew 6:28-34

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

a decision to be made.

initiative..
a word so big in many of our dictionaries.
but in many areas of our lives,
we need it to surface.

in a r/s,
somebody has to set the pace,
somebody has to love,
somebody has to be loved.

in a job,
somebody has to fight for what they believe,
somebody has to fight what they believe,
somebody has to fight to be believed in.

and in our walk with God,
somebody has to make a decision from what we know,
somebody has to make a stand for what we believe,
somebody has to make a point to change.

and that somebody starts with me.
i want to be that somebody someday.
i want to be that somebody somehow.

Father, i thank You for this sweet aroma of worship,
i thank You for choosing me,
to love and embrace.
Lord Jesus, i make this commitment
many times before.
but God, let me mean it this time.
i want to come to You with a pure heart,
that's what i long for.
Dear sweet Lord,
help me not procrastinate further,
help me to love You more and more each day.
that's what i'm made for..
in Jesus' name i ask,
Amen.

HAHAHHA!

PAULINE, CHECK DIS OUT!
and don't u dare roll ur eyes!

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
DESMOND

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
ORD LO

desHOO. says:
HAHAHHAHAAHAH

desHOO. says:
YEAH!!

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
CONGRAtes

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
i tel you one very happy thing

desHOO. says:
what?

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
you will sure even more happy

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
my frens all say u very good looking lei

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
wowwwww

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
hahaha

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
say ur dressing sense very good la

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
hahha

desHOO. says:
IS IT?!?!?

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
YES

desHOO. says:
is it the who's called esmund that table? or the tbale beside the buffet table?

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
i say so u all see any eye candi?

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
then they say got the one holding the cake come in one

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
seating beside you is called esmond

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
my girlfriends are the one who say u handsome

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
one of them is vanessa

ToMaToEsS mYmT you're Beautiful like a Rainbow. says:
hahhaha

desHOO. says:
HAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHHAHAAHHAHAAHHHHAHAHHA!!!

desHOO. says:
ding dong ding dong ding dong



HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAYTENG, MUACKS MUACKS!!
hahahhha.

don't u say i'm shallow.
hahahaa!!
which fresh ORD personnel won't be happy
when he hears dis?
HAHAHHAHA!

shit, i feel so shallow.
ahh, whatever!
eye candy, eye candy..
hahhaah!

ORD LOH!!

the long awaited..
as i was collecting my documents,
i saw dis quote on one guy's file.
"the road to freedom is NEVER easy"
hahhaha.

mayteng's 21st.

Happy Birthday, Mayteng!!
why my eyes so small!?

the past..

dis vid is so amusing!