don'tknowwhattoputastitle.

i love it when they show
the view from the driver's seat!
just gives me to adrenaline
in me man!

but on a separate note,
to think that they try
to construct the track in the city,
for the city view while driving.

but i don't think they're looking
at what they actually drove by lah!
everything's happening so fast!
damn COOL!

i think F1 brings out the speed demon in me!
some might agree,
i'm a diff driver in different cars!
i wanna drive a mclaren!

F1!

i actually am watching F1 now!
even as i'm typing,
the cars are zooming by!
and each lap is less than 3 mins!

impressive.
to think how many traffic lights i usually meet
from my building to the flyer.
and they're travelling opp direction!

but the sound of the rev,
is really quite addictive!
okay, i'm going back to the window.
BYE!

september26

It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself - Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.

John 4:23-24

it is pretty self-explanatory..
hmm,
it's so hard.
to put aside emotions and be objective.

afterall, we're human BEINGS
and not human DOINGS right?
how i wish,
i could detach my brain OR my heart from my body.

september25

The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses his people with peace

Psalm 29:11

are YOU His people?
coz these gifts are only for His people..
don't take your salvation for granted,
don't take His grace for His weakness.

september24

Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

James 3:18

peacemakers..
what's the difference btw peacemakers
and peacekeepers?
other than the english of coz.

personally, i think..
peacemakers take the initiative to make peace,
while peackeepers keep peace,
that have already been made earlier.

if this assumption is correct,
den the Bible is urging us to take the initiative
to MAKE peace!
and not just sit back and KEEP it!

i regret not initiating to apologize or approach,
in the course of this week.
but i chose to leave it lying down and
see come what may.

but i also thank God that because of my fear,
He instilled courage and discernment to the other party.
and i guess we all learn from dis.
although i'm not sure if its out of protocol.

but that wasn't the point,
and it will not be!
because my friend had just planted seeds of peace
and i know my friend will reap a harvest of goodness!

praise God for peace!
let us strive to initiate,
rather than to sit by and wait for things to happen.
or at least take the initiative to smile!

so, if you've anything entangled wif anybody.
and you jolly well know that it is unresolved and hurting..
go and MAKE peace with that person,
not just coz you need to, but you want to!

september23

therefore, i urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.

Romans 12:1

in view of God's mercy

when He said that,

basically it just means we've no rights!

we're living because of His mercy for us.

though its hard to swallow,

but i guess, many times we find the Word hard to digest,

simply because we're too proud ourselves.

we OWN our OWN lives.

living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God

there is no longer dead offerings since the Resurrection!

and we're to offer OURSELVES to Him,

as a sacrifice..

think abt it,

when animals were sacrificed,

do they have a choice?

they're basically chosen!

so again, we don't have a choice

but to offer up ourselves as a sacrifice!

a cheerful and willing giver,

is what makes a sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

this is your spiritual act of worship

again, if you wanna worship God.

give yourself, or rather,

give the BEST of yourself, to Him!

i note that the above illustration of the breakdown

is somewhat hard to accept and carried out!

but this is the challenge.

not to think how you can sacrifice yourself..

but in the very first place,

whether you're willing to surrender yourself to Him,

who FIRST loved you.

that you're given a chance to reciprocate your love.

i concur with Zing in his entry,

on issues and principles of reciprocation.

if you appreciate it,

you WILL reciprocate..

now ask yourself,

are you offering yourselves as living sacrifices,

holy and pleasing to God?

if not..

is it because you don't fully or truly

believe and accept God's love for you?

den why is this so?

maybe you wanna ask yourself that..

faith,notsight.

it is yet another cold turkey.
but i know we'll be fine.
in fact, we always become stronger
after each ordeal we went through.

September 22
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

as much as you're struggling,
i am too.
so, be strong now!
coz God will see us through..

deliverance.

among all that's happening around.
sometimes we tend to evaluate situations.
we tend to see what's wrong,
or needs to be corrected or improved on.

today was a day,
that started off badly.
and at my disgust,
i was a 16yr-old desmond all over again.

the impulse, the anger.
the vulgarities, the hatred.
all summed up on that court at roughly 9.45am.
it was tough.

i regret that i left in a huff.
but at the same time,
i know that appearing as a sore loser,
is better than a vulgar/violent leader.

what made it all worst,
was that i actually urged my band to think
"how God places situations in life,
that you know He can deliver you from."

what a disgrace i'd become.
something in me is so wayward.
but its so strange coz i don't know what is it anymore.
but i really pray for forgiveness from focus and my friends.

there're SO MUCH in my heart right now.
so demoralised, dejected and lost.
that i no longer haf any courage to apologize personally.
i'm sorry, guys.

but at the same time,
i thank God for friends who're there for me.
to hear me out without judging me.
without telling me what i SHOULD have done.

thank you
caleb, for understanding where i'm coming from.

thank you
furong, for that shoulder rub of encouragement.

thank you
jo, for being ALWAYS there when i needed company.
thank you
ruth, for being the subtle pillar of support and fun!

thank you
weiming, for being understanding and accomodating.
thank you
kok keng, for being the 'leekuanyew' of the band.

thank you
angel, for persisting to know what's bothering me.
thank you
gillian, for encouraging me wif your presence at rehearsals.


thank you
don, for sharing my burdens and struggles.
thank you
gabriel, for accompanying me even when i pulled a long face.

guys, you were placed in my life.
for a reason.
and you guys haf lived the reason well!
and i REALLY appreciate and love you!! REALLY..

i'll fight on.
i'll take all these discouragements as lessons
to be learned and overcame.
i can do ALL THINGS in Christ.

something'swrong.

i need to run a thousand miles.
i wish i can nvr stop,
and just drop.
it's tiring, but not as tiring as being where i am now.

random.

women who are known to be
very professional and detailed,
meticulous and systematic housewives.
cannot look after a car..

men who are known to be
not so hardworking, and not so detailed,
who doesn't even make his bed daily,
would DIE for his car..

think abt it.
diff pple haf diff priorities in life.
take both my cousins
wif the same set of parents for eg.

the older one idles more.
who spends MOST, if not ALL of his time
on his computer.
and he hasn't passed his basic theory test yet.

the younger one is more outdoor.
who spends MOST, if not ALL of his time
outdoors on his bike, or car, or at the sea.
and he has class 2B and 3 license when he's 18.

but both of them are happy,
though they're often compared..
what am i?

hmm, a guy who enjoys chilling out,
talking on the phone, reading.
who has what is essential, which is a class 3 license.
and enjoys suppers and going out.

now you know why its hard
to buy a birthday present?
other than apparels,
another area of interest of mine.

like quite gay ar?
aight, i play soccer too!
i can.. drive almost any kinda vehicles,
and i open doors for pple!

aight, i'm who i am.
i enjoy what i'm doing
and i'm confident of my masculinity.
if you think i'm gay, try me.

aight, i'm kidding.
please don't..
okay, back to the piles of papers.
work workk.

MAJORadjustments.

as i was on train to work this morning,
i was reading 'Experiencing God' as usual.
and this particular chapter is so captivating!
i almost didn't wanna get off.

WHAT YOU DO TELLS WHAT YOU BELIEVE

you can't stay where you are
and go with God.
makes sense doesn't it?
a few examples are as follows.

Noah could not continue life as usual
and build an ark at the same time (Gen. 6)!

Moses could not stay in the desert,
herding sheep,
and stand before pharoah
at the same time (Ex. 3)!

David had to leave his sheep
to become king (1 Sam. 16:1-13)!

Peter, Andrew, James & John
had to leave their fishing career
to follow Jesus (MAtt 4:18-22)!

Saul (later Paul) had to change his mindset
and directions in life COMPLETELY,
in order to be used by God to preach the gospel
to the gentiles (Acts 9:1-19)!

aight, you roughly get the drift
of my point here..
we HAVE to make a MAJOR change
if we want God to work through our lives.

dis is the line that is the hardest to swallow.
at least that's what i feel..
'if you want to follow Jesus,
you have no choice of your own'

but think abt it,
isn't it true?
hasn't it alr been so consistent through the Bible?
that we hafta change before letting God work!

what are some areas in my life,
that i can change or even drop?
let me think..
career, prospective education, gf, money.

Lord, it is so hard.
to let go of all these things
in my life.
the things which i'd earned by grace.

Father, grant me understanding this day!
that i may live to serve you,
and not worldly possessions.
grant that i may haf a new life..

Lord Jesus, watch over me.
Holy Spirit, change my perspective.
Everlasting God, forgive me.
i wanna worship You and only You!

runawayrunaway.

i finally dragged my lazy ass out
TO RUN!
i realised that if i still don't run,
my body will break down!

i know for some,
if they start running,
their bodies will break down.
trust me, i know who you are!

as i was warming up at the voideck,
the usual practice before i start running.
normally i'd jog on the spot before taking off.
and dis time i was tired at jogging on the spot!

i really REALLY wanted to take the lift back up.
but i told myself,
"get moving lah, sloth"
so off i went..

before reaching the park connector,
i was already panting.
at the 3km mark,
suddenly i realised there's dis shadow below me.

and i thought to myself,
"who's the faggot behind me?
so skinny.."
and the shadow overtook me the next sec.

have you ever had that?
you were walking beneath the street lamps,
and you have your shadows overtaking you?
creeping behind you and take off the next 2 secs?

yeah! that was what happened.
and i saw my shadow in disbelief..
"huh? i got so skinny meh? sian.."
so now i'm on a binging routine!

not like i've nvr been on one before.
but i think there's no difference in weight.
my heaviest and also fittest was in the army,
after that is just bones, skin and fats.

and so, i was still running.
many thoughts came to mind,
but i actually stopped thinking and just ran.
and finally stopped at the 5km mark.

it was as though my brains were still running,
when my legs alr started walking.
ever had that?

that's what happens,
when your mind's determined,
but your body weak..
and so i walked to the pull-up bars thereafter.

i rmb zing and i were talking abt it.
the tiring part about pull-ups,
is when you stand below the bars,
knowing that you've to mount them again!

damn tired, did less than my usual.
and my arms and shoulders were sore.
but i'm happy enough,
that i managed to exercise after soooo long!

now i feel fit!
i feel strong!
and i feel recharged!
ironically..

so close.

many times we regret for not saying
what we wanted to say
many times we think there'll be a better time,
but that don't always happen.

i make it a point to say
what i need to say.
so that if anything were to happen,
you and i won't have anything short for.

hunger.

they say,
a hungry man is an angry man.
i say,
likewise, a hungry soul is an angry soul.
get the drift?

noavail.

Lord, i thank you for revelation.
revelations of my shortcomings,
and areas that i need improvement on.
Lord, teach me.

i know You've put me in situations for learning,
so Lord, empower me!
i know You're preparing me for Your mission,
so Lord, teach me..

help me Lord,
to see the areas of my friends' needs as well.
that i may not be too quick to pinpoint.
but Lord, teach me to be understanding.

guide me Lord,
to protract Your loving kindness to the needy.
Lord, i commit them into Your hands,
for my hands are small and full.

vindicate me Lord,
assure me that i'm in Your love.
for what the world may tell me,
may sometimes very well be hurtful.

Jesus, i need You to guard my tongue.
guard my heart and actions.
if i'm untactful,
den Lord, teach me to be wiser.

Lord God, hear my prayer.
dis is absolutely not easy,
but i will not give up coz of these setbacks.
help me to see these as revelations from You.

in Jesus name,
i sincerely pray and ask.
Amen.

snap.

i'm beginning to wonder if i can still survive.
the workload at work is CRAZY!
and a NEW asst counsel doesn't make things easier.
it means i've to guide him.. for now.

and the cases are mounting up,
the documents are piling up,
my energy running low,
and soon i'll be down under.

let me see what's going on in my life lately.
hmm.
flu, cough, damn braces, loads of papers & SAT.
hmmm..

Lord, please grant me strength.
haf mercy on me,
and i pray that at the end of all these,
You'll still find me faithful and true.

ARGH!!

i seriously need some emBRACEs!
the stupid metal cage is HURTING my gums,
one HELL of a bit man!!!
ARGH, ITS DAMN PAINNN!!!!!!!!!

resigned.

i finally resigned to my fate.
or rather,
i'm finally convinced that i'm ONLY
a case management officer..

after the 1 & 2 Sept conference.
i've realised,
that no matter how hard i try to talk
or look like a paralegal, no use!

firstly, on my outlook.
i missed the mark..
i'm not balding, no tummy
and i've got a boyish face!

secondly, i really am NOT
qualified legally.
neither am i trained in any of the
legal services or sectors!

lastly, i seriously think my "career"
is nothing but premature.
i'm only a 22yr-old!
and what i really am is a STUDENT!

so after straightening out my thoughts.
today i went to work WITHOUT my file!
but instead,
i sling my sling bag wif my 'telephone directory' in it!

and the best part is,
i feel so at ease now!
not giving a damn abt what pple see me as.
i am what i am!

so as my usual weekend self,
i wore my working apparel and got my bag,
slinged comfortably across my left shoulder!
and i went to work, much happier.

so i guess,
whether or not i make it as a lawyer.
or whether or not i look like a lawyer.
it doesn't matter.

coz i know myself,
that i'm not one!
but i sure am working towards becoming one.
so smile, lesmong! =D

HAHAHA!

i absolutely love dis pic.
it's my birthday card from
caleb, furong, joanna, jasmine and ruth!
happy birthday des..

wishes.

i wish, i wish, i wish..
i wonder when will it all happen,
when i can finally stop wishing!
dis is random.

I CAN'T SLEEP!
tmr got church..

start/end

3rd sept usually marks
the end of my 1987 friends' birthdays,
and the start of my 1986 friends'!
so cool huh?

but i'll dedicate dis post to my best friend,
andrew tham.
typing his name somehow still feels weird.
all the memories floods back like a dam broken!

soon, it'll be his 2nd birthday in bed.
what's worst, its not on his own bed..
but i continue to let God work His ways in Him.
for there MUST be a reason for dis survival.

i'll plan something for him dis yr.
those who're interested,
let me know.
and i'm sure he'll be encouraged to press on!

one of the things he used to say to me.
i fondly remembered and i've carried on..
is whenever i used to say, "wah sian.."
and there he'll be, saying.

"you sian what,
got money, got gf, got license, got car,
got education, got family.."
and he went on and on.

his prime reason?
just to see that smile on my face.
once his list of 'things' in my life runs out,
and my face is still glum. he'll say,

"eh, what happened?
don't so sian leh..
your face cramp ar?
anything just say lah! be a man!"

and i'll start laughing without fail.
when he says,
"your face cramp ar?"
HAHAHHA!

sometimes, i really wanna accompany him.
like how he accompanied me when i was down,
when i was lonely and feeling retarded.
he's there.

but there has been dis burden in me,
i do not know what to say to him.
so many things i wanna update him on,
but i'm afraid he might feel worst for not being to respond.

and i really really REALLY hate saying bye to him,
i really don't know how else to say it man!
and that's why i didn't dare to go alone.
i've always feared the worst.

he meant so much to me,
and he always will be.
if he's not gonna recover in dis lifetime,
i really sincerely pray that he'll keep the faith!

coz there're so many things i wanna ask him in heaven!
so many..
the last time i heard his voice,
was when he's coughing.

and the last time i heard him talk,
was 25 june 2007, eve of his accident.
when we had supper and jo wanted to take pic wif him.
and he said, "like as if i gonna die tmr lidat!"

GET WELL SOON, ANDREW.
if not, at the very least, KEEP THE FAITH!
i wanna see you in heaven!
if there's PS2 and tv, we'll play winning eleven!