deliverance.

among all that's happening around.
sometimes we tend to evaluate situations.
we tend to see what's wrong,
or needs to be corrected or improved on.

today was a day,
that started off badly.
and at my disgust,
i was a 16yr-old desmond all over again.

the impulse, the anger.
the vulgarities, the hatred.
all summed up on that court at roughly 9.45am.
it was tough.

i regret that i left in a huff.
but at the same time,
i know that appearing as a sore loser,
is better than a vulgar/violent leader.

what made it all worst,
was that i actually urged my band to think
"how God places situations in life,
that you know He can deliver you from."

what a disgrace i'd become.
something in me is so wayward.
but its so strange coz i don't know what is it anymore.
but i really pray for forgiveness from focus and my friends.

there're SO MUCH in my heart right now.
so demoralised, dejected and lost.
that i no longer haf any courage to apologize personally.
i'm sorry, guys.

but at the same time,
i thank God for friends who're there for me.
to hear me out without judging me.
without telling me what i SHOULD have done.

thank you
caleb, for understanding where i'm coming from.

thank you
furong, for that shoulder rub of encouragement.

thank you
jo, for being ALWAYS there when i needed company.
thank you
ruth, for being the subtle pillar of support and fun!

thank you
weiming, for being understanding and accomodating.
thank you
kok keng, for being the 'leekuanyew' of the band.

thank you
angel, for persisting to know what's bothering me.
thank you
gillian, for encouraging me wif your presence at rehearsals.


thank you
don, for sharing my burdens and struggles.
thank you
gabriel, for accompanying me even when i pulled a long face.

guys, you were placed in my life.
for a reason.
and you guys haf lived the reason well!
and i REALLY appreciate and love you!! REALLY..

i'll fight on.
i'll take all these discouragements as lessons
to be learned and overcame.
i can do ALL THINGS in Christ.