service?

The strongest competitor to worship is service.

-Oswald Chambers

isn't it so true?
the speaker at the seminar elaborated ytd,
that more and more christians are losing their first love.
we no longer know the importance of worship..

we're all made to worship.
if we don't worship God,
we find ourselves worshipping other things..
simply coz we're wired primarily to worship!

some time back,
in matt redman's church.
the leaders felt the need to ban the band,
coz most of them are too occupied wif the technicalities.

they forgot the essence of worship.
it isn't abt music, isn't abt words..
nor was it abt technicalities, or the sound.
it was a lifestyle of worship unto our first Love!

and so matt redman wrote the song,
"heart of worship".
if we were to read the words,
or examine the lyrics coming out of our mouths.

we'd find that it talks abt worship beyond external praise.
it really isn't abt the words we sing,
or the number of hours we put to rehearse.
its abt our heart and expression of love to God..

service should nvr precede our worship unto God.
whatever and however we 'serve',
we do it BECAUSE we love God,
we don't serve in order to love God!

i can understand what it means to find rest in Him.
coz whenever i get burnt out (which is frequent)
i really yearn to just chill in my chair,
and hum a familiar tune to God..

and read His word and see how His nvr-failing love
reassure my service unto Him.
most of the time,
i find myself at rest!

it is essential for us in dis day and age,
to take time regularly to spend time wif God.
isn't it ironic if we say we're doing all these for the One we love,
yet we draw further from Him coz of the apparent 'acts of love'?

when we find ourselves overloaded,
and tired each night to even pray and spend time wif Him.
that is the most prominent sign,
of worshipping works instead of God.

take some time today,
even right now.
to listen to His voice,
to communicate wif Him in your spirit..

i'm coming back to the heart of worship,
it's all abt You.
it's all abt You, Jesus..

vv or uu?

why does 'W' always pronounced as
'double-u' and not 'double-v'?
since it looks more like 2 'V's instead of 2 'U's.
hmm..

bro.

if pple think my bro has 2 fathers,
our biological father and ME!
den i think i haf 2 mothers,
my biological mother and HIM!

*before rushing out of the house*
joel: where you going?
des: church.. busy ar?
joel: busy, but don't rush ar..

*just got back, bathing*
joel: papa, kor kor come back alr?
papa: ya, he's in the toilet.
joel: korkor, you got drive carefully anot?

homesick?

each time i walk out of the conference hall,
it will be the PSA that catches first view of mine.
and somehow,
i kinda miss home..

its strange, but maybe i feel detached from you?
akin to the dread of tekong mentality,
i'd always wonder what are you doing now..

why am i feeling dis way?
i don't quite know.
why does it always seem to contradict?
i don't quite understand.

sweet.

is it some fantastic harmony,
or is it coz they look quite good? (the left one)
are the girls on both ends sisters or twins?
they look super alike!

strength.

Lord, may You please haf mercy on me.
it is really difficult.
i pray for double portions of strength and wisdom..

kinship.

sometime dis wk,
drusilla asked me dis intriguing qn.
"why must we bear the consequences
that adam and eve made?"

honestly, i was taken aback for quite a while.
but thank God,
that He spoke to her through me.
and from dis, i've learnt a great deal too..

even i myself ask,
why must i bear the consequences of others?
in army, i was a specialist.
and according to the hierachy, i'm to take care of a section.

and those who know me then,
would know that i've a bunch of 'hokkien pengs'.
they are uneducated, gangsters, and loves to stir trouble..
i wasn't spared of their 'childlike character'.

and so, on many occasions,
i had to be punished for their mistakes and folly!
they fight in the canteen,
i had to be confined during the weekend.

and the reason?
failure to ensure order and discipline.
was i really in the wrong,
up till today, i don't know.

but through dis,
i too, learnt a huge lesson.
it taught me to be stricter on them,
even if it means to make enemies..

a weekend in camp,
was too much of a sacrifice.
a payment too hefty for someone else's fault.
an atonement too grave for being soft-hearted..

and even until today,
no matter how much i disagree wif that form of 'teaching',
i adhered by it even in my personal life.
i place punishments on myself if my siblings were to go overboard.

so back to the question.
honestly, how would you haf answered her?
i was stumped by the implications that might ensue
after telling her the ans.

but nonetheless,
dis was what i told her.
and i can dare say it wasn't culminated in my head.
it was advised by Him.

"that was because we're biased in our questioning.
it is abt accepting our 'family name'
abt being part of dis family.
both for the better or worse.

will we ask "why do we inherit whatever our parents earned?"
would we ask "why do my parents give me a place to stay?"
so then,
why do we ask "why must we bear our forefathers' consequences?""

it is a package which cannot be sieved through.
we cannot choose to accept what we like,
and disown the parts we don't like.
den that isn't 'acceptance', but bargain..

even in a r/s,
we humans tend to look for the best buy, don't we?
we're often drawn by what we like abt that person,
and then conclude that he/she's not my type because of a flaw.

i rmb v clearly in the past,
ps aaron told me dis,
"the only person you think is perfect for you,
is often the person you see in the mirror."

is there really 'the one' for us?
there was once somebody told me dis.
"if there is such a thing as 'the one',
den all it takes is just one person to disobey to screw it all up."

is there really a person out there whom we're made for?
or is there 'the one' lesson that we all ought to learn.
which is none other than acceptance.
love entails loads of acceptance..

and acceptance can only come,
when you do not think you're better than the other.
love our neighbour as ourselves,
do we accept them for who they are in the first place?

so we bear the consequences adam and eve made,
together wif the blessings of being in a family,
or even in a human race!
we're all individuals together.

King Father or Father King?

in ancient china, for princes or princesses
who're blood related to the king,
they'll address him as 'huang ah ma',
which literally translates to King Father.

in thailand, even till dis day,
all princes and princesses who're blood related,
call their father, king.
and bow like any other royal subjects in the palace.

but interesting to note,
among the many children that the king usually has,
there is always one heir.
some call him crown prince, some call him heir.

in the bible,
Jesus is often revered as heir of the Most High King.
or one and only Son of the Heavenly Father.
it is undisputed that Jesus is part of the holy Trinity..

but what about us?
saints who are graciously called by the Most High King,
and lovingly spoken of by the Heavenly King,
are we royalty as well?

i watched 'anna and the king' over the weekend,
and it once again showed the 'immunity' royal children have.
that a little girl of barely 5 years of age,
has such an authority around her that subjects had to bow as she runs!

and she ran straight into the court,
where her father was having a meeting wif French consuls.
she did not knock on the door,
she did not bow or run backwards..

all she did was used her tiny hands
and pushed through the huge door by herself.
and ran right into her father's lap,
and whispered sweet nothings to her 'king'.

flashback to the starting of the show,
where a british lady, named anna,
barged into the court of the monarch
and demanded an audience wif the king.

king mongkut replied in anger yet patience,
"doesn't dis woman, know anything of protocol?"
but of coz as the story goes,
she was pardoned and in fact got quite influential in the palace.

but note the difference?
a royalty, and a subject.
royalty, did not do anything to earn an audience.
subject, did everything just to get a glimpse of majesty.

so who is God to us?
esp when the bible has so many 'impressions' or 'titles' for God.
do we see Him as a loving Father who is powerful yet tolerant,
or a king who is only powerful and we obey out of fear..

but having said all these,
pls do not get me wrong that we can 'disrespect' God,
or tarnish any protocol.
not having the need to meet God wif utmost reverence.

God surely isn't a god of many different personalities,
God surely isn't just a loving Father,
God surely isn't just a powerful King,
God is everything we know, and more..

some might refute or whine,
"aiya, he's at it again. is it really impt?"
well, it is to me.
or at least, that is where i know my identity in Christ lies..

if we do not know who our president personally,
would we just type a scrappy letter?
likewise, if we know the president personally,
would we then type a scrappy letter?

i guess its been quite a tussle for me for a while now,
some advised me that different situation calls for different 'modes of communication'.
so then, who am i really to God, or the Heavenly Father?

if i'm not the child of God,
why do i call Him Heavenly Father.
and if i'm the child of God,
why do i still hafta 'work' for a place in Heaven?

the ans that i quote from 'gotquestions.org',
salvation is definitely 100% God,
and 0% effort from man.
simply coz man are not even worthy to start from ground zero.

we started off as sinners right from birth.
how could we then be even qualified to 'earn' a place in Heaven?
we've been 'given' a place in Heaven,
because God, the Heavenly King AND Father loves us.

but does that also mean that we can squander our 'privileged right'?
by no means!
those who do not know and sinned, are ignorant.
those who knew and sinned, are blatant.

so after all these,
can i safely conclude that our r/s wif God,
is not by our choice by by His?
and it is our decision to keep it or squander it?

if so, den by 'working out' our salvation
isn't exactly a means to get to Heaven,
so that we could claim credit at the end of it.
it simply means out of love and reverence, we work it out!

often we try to 'work' so hard wif our own strength,
in hope to please God.
and in the midst of 'working',
we forget that we're 'children of God'!

one of the scenes in 'anna and the king' was also depicted
that the royal children are to put up a 'skit' for the king.
but in the end, the skit screwed up,
and the 'crown prince' chulalongkorn was dejected.

thinking that the king wouldn't be proud of him anymore,
but as we all know.
the king was still as pleased as he would be,
regardless of how the skit would turn out.

likewise, we can put on our best show,
but nvr ever fall into self-pity simply coz of human error.
don't let the devil haf a foothold in our 'tainted birth right'.
but rather, claim the promise that God chose to love us!

screwing up isn't gonna change the fact
that we're 'children of the Most High King'.
so long as we don't allow pride to seep in,
continue to yearn more for God in our lives!

when our parents give us a gift,
we cannot reject it.
but what we can do is either to
treasure it, or to throw it away..

likewise, our salvation in Christ' Heavenly Kingdom.
it is a gift.
but it is not a guaranteed free-entry.
the foundation (the cross) has been laid, are we building on it?

holiday.

the first 2 weeks of october,
had been a really whirl of a time.
leading worship in both services,
and finalising 'thanksgiving' stuff, although not much..

but the part where the preparation for the song segment
is concerned.
it was quite a trying period where i confess,
i did put in 'extra' effort to live my life as Christ-like as possible.

being a human, there were definitely shortcomings from my end,
but well, i thought at least i put in the effort to try.
so as i thought,
self-righteousness is directly proportionate to annointing for worship leading.

apparently, as things go.
i couldn't really be a Jesus as i led worship..
but did that make my worship leading less 'holy' or displeasing?
i doubt so..

just to clear up any potential misunderstanding,
God loves His people.
and i'm leading not coz i think i'm good enough,
but because i wanna love His people as He does!

the crux of what i wanna say here is dis,
that i've just treaded on dangerous murky waters.
where i'm nothing more than a commitment-christian, am i?
only strive to be Christ-like for the sake of annointed-service..

i was greatly and largely affected when the speaker on sunday,
pierced right into the heart of my soul.
i was wrong.
i allowed naivety and self-work to take charge..

as much as i wanted to give my best to God,
i've compartmentalised my personal living into assignment-based.
a week before i lead that sunday,
i'll consecrate my life and be fully and wholly devoted to hearing Him.

what abt weeks i don't lead?
i rmb i was v tired, and suffocated by the monday after i led in main.
i had to plan the song set for youth and i barely had a 'breather'.
now, what dis breather meant?

am i really consecrated for Him in entirety? no.
after the sundays i lead worship,
i'd be having a 2 weeks 'holiday' of carnal life,
before i had to prepare for another 'holy week'.

such disgrace and disgust!
through dis 'yearning for breather',
it reveals that the core of my heart hasn't changed much
from the 15yr-old me, has it?

apart from external behaviour and thought processes,
deep down i just wished i could live like any non-christian.
'carefree' and 'no-holds-bar' kinda lifestyles..
such envy was sinful to its core!

i realised that the 'carefree' lifestyle that i yearned for,
only proved itself to be a shackle around my teenage folly.
baptism and sanctification that i've 'accumulated' through the yrs,
didn't really break the bond and foothold in my carnal life!

haf i not been a hypocrite all these while?
haf i not been more disgraceful than a sunday-christian?
am i really rooted in the spirit?
do i really love Jesus wif all of my life?

the ans, i regrettably confess. no.
i've sinned, beyond any reasonable mitigation..
what would Jesus do if He was a worship leader?
and so happen to lead worship only twice a month.

shouldn't a God-fearing, God-loving worship leader
be a 24/7 worship leader?
ready to sing praises to Him at any given point in time,
and not be feeling stifled coz of the lack of 'freedom' to live 'carefreely'?

Lord, i've sinned.
thank You for helping me realise
how deceitful my heart was.
Father, i wanna live for You alone, and mean my words!

appropriation.

some of you might know or discover,
that i'm an avid runner.
not the loanshark kind,
but the usain bolt kind!

dis afternoon, as i was dressing up for work,
there were balls of dark clouds hovering menacingly in pasir ris.
and so i prayed for the rain to delay until i reach the mrt..
thank God, He wasn't as selfish as me. He allowed it to pour.

and my umbrella got lost by a friend of mine,
i'm left wif no umbrella!
so i decided to just brave the rain,
and run to the bus stop.

running that short distance from my voideck to the bus stop
wouldn't be much of a work for me, or at least i thought.
so i ran, and got drenched by the time i reached the bus stop..
when i stopped to dry myself wif futile attempts, SUDDENLY,

there was a surge of pain that surged through the top of my toes
to my spine, to my brain.
and finally sends out an inevitable cringing expression
onto the helpless contours of my facial scape!

i've had blisters!
on the first 3 toes of each foot.
it was disturbing,
and the cringe soon became a frown..

nonetheless, i took the first few brave steps
as though i was on the moon.
trying to get used to the 'pain'
and walk as though my feet were perfectly comfortable.

and when i got onto the train,
still trying to get myself dry,
and readjust my bad hair..
i was just thinking, of all things, blisters.

rmb, i was an avid runner.
i've only experienced leg cramp once in my life.
nvr twisted an ankle,
nor fractured a bone as a soccer player..

but these blisters, seemingly small and hidden,
caused me quite a bit of distress before i start work today!
and many thoughts ran through my head,
"i thought i asked God to bless me today? what happened!"

some of you might realise or know,
that i've just bought a new pair of dress shoes.
not coz i'm a vainpot,
but the previous one had to retire due to natural wear and tear.

and den, inter alia, 2 strands of thoughts struck me!
the first, i've these pair of new shoes,
its supposed to give me new confidence and comfort,
but in turn, gave me a load of pain i didn't get from the first!

many times, we feel 'fresh' when we first had something right?
say, when we just got a new bag.
we feel proud of it, coz its spanking new,
and its fashionable!

or even when we first enter into a pact wif somebody else,
we feel a rejuvenating sense of renewing.
as though, that was a new chapter in our f/s or r/s,
where no problems would come in the near future.

exactly on the contrary,
for shoes and alot of other 'new stuffs'.
its abt getting used to.
its abt readjusting to the comfort we previously had.

wif new confidence, comes new blisters.
likewise, as the Holy Spirit reaffirms our spirit.
it seems like our dirty linen are cleaned,
and we're all set to go out there and slay the dragon!

no, these couple of blisters taught me,
that not all new things are as rosy as it might entail.
being real in our 'walk' is one such daily renewal..
it is nvr promised to be a bed of roses.

akin to a pair of shoes.
by the time we get used to that pair of shoes,
we get all comfortable wif it.
but that also hail for preparation to get a new pair soon.

like towels as well,
when its new, it can hardly absorb much water.
and when its old and rugged, it sucks up any liquid content
and soon, you'll find a hole!

likewise in our walk wif God,
we might haf made a new covenant wif God.
but if we don't constantly renew our r/s wif Him,
one day we'll be worn out before we could even realise the 'hole'.

the second strand of thought that seeped into my brain is dis,
different shoes are made for different usage.
i may be an avid runner,
but that doesn't mean i can run in anything..

a pair of dress shoes are for walking,
and making that clog clog sound when you saunter on parquet!
not for running, nor sprinting.
neither is it for soccer, nor rock climbing!

but when i get blisters from running that short distance,
doesn't mean i'm a lousy runner,
or worse, i'm not cut out to run ever again!
i'm an invalid now.. NO!

it just means i'm running in the wrong pair of shoes,
and nvr should i run in that pair again!
likewise for many of us today,
esp leaders and leaders to be..

when we're discouraged, or blistered in our 'run',
do not let the devil tell you your time is up.
do not let the devil trick you into self-pity.
nvr let the devil haf its foothold in you!

but rather, its time to reflect on our lives.
are we running in the right pair of shoes,
or haf we tried to fit ourselves in other pple's shoes,
only to find ourselves battered and discouraged in spirit!

the Lord is our family-Shoemaker.
He saw us grow up, from a 4-inch foot to a size 10,
He knows exactly our sizes,
and makes us the perfect shoes for our feet.

He doesn't give us a pair of trek shoes when we're 4,
and expect us to go trekking just coz we've the right 'equipment'.
to be able to go trekking,
we need also experience and knowledge!

in the same fashion, God doesn't give us a pair of baby's mittens
when we're a toddler!
it may be comfortable, but we won't be able to fit anymore.
there will come a season of growth and stepping up!

friends, which stage are we in our lives right now?
are we running in the right pair of shoes,
we're made for a couple of gifts and talents,
are we using it correctly?

i guess its time to run in the shoes He made for us,
that we may find ourselves running further and wif more ease.
its abt time to start running the race,
wif the appropriate pair of shoes He made for us..

zip it?

if i haf a suggestion,
but haf no solution.
should i still suggest it?
or should i keep it to myself?

i think the question here should read,
how will a suggestion without solution build the person or organisation?
if it doesn't build or edify one,
why suggest to break one?

a suggestion is healthy and constructive
IF it is put across nicely wif tact.
a suggestion becomes a degradation
ONCE we've no other reason to edify but to rant for that sake.

when i wanna suggest,
i better spend more time thinking of a solution to offer,
rather than think of how to put my point across
at all cost!

it is a seemingly simple common sensical issue,
but a surprisingly tall order when we find ourselves frustrated!
i read one of my friend's msn nick which said,
"common sense isn't that common apparently.."

impressions.

since i'm working in an international firm,
its often interesting to hear 'first impressions'
from foreigners..
these are some that i heard recently.

deputy registrar from china: are you local, desmond?
des: err, ya?
DR: oh, i figured. coz at first, i thought you were korean
until i heard you speak on a few occasions.

assistant counsel from philippines: i like des' fri outfits.
it seems very british!

assistant counsel from indonesia: do you know i thought you're gay?
des: what?!
ac: i thought singaporean guys who dresses well are usually gay!
sorry..

it is comforting to know that God knows your heart,
beyond your looks and exterior.
comforting esp when you're misunderstood,
misinterpreted, and misconstrued.

but it is equally scary to know,
that God knows your heart beyond looks and exterior.
scary esp when you're hiding something to men,
hiding your dirty linen.

but regardless of how we feel,
it doesn't change the fact that God's all-knowing.
it doesn't change the fact that despite Him knowing all,
He still loves us the same..

how nice would it be if justices and magistrates these days,
are given the power to see beyond oral and written statements,
look right into their hearts and see their intent.
would we still need lawyers by then?

but of coz,
having said that, nothing can change the fact
that there's only one powerful God.
and that's the God, our Father!

once again i look upon the cross where You died,
i'm humbled by Your mercy and i'm broken inside.
once again i thank You,
once again i pour out my life..

flashbacks.

are memories a gift or a curse?
generally speaking,
as human beings, we tend to wanna haf the best of both.
we like good ones but detest the bad ones..

would our lives be better without the ability to reminisce?
would our lives be more forward-looking without memories?
i don't know, but all i know is that
we haf memories, regardless of its nature.

just dis morning,
i was conjuring thoughts in my head, again.
and randomly, i was just thinking abt my life after NS.
how did it turn out..

those who follow my life closely
would know that i've been through many rejections.
a tad too many for anyone's liking and healthy morale..
but i'd say it made me hoo i am today!

as you all know,
i'd been working for round and about a yr and a half for now.
applied to 2 schs and got rejected from one,
and many many put-down remarks from colleagues and superiors..

but let's just dwell on how i got myself enrolled into sch today?
i rmb when i first started out in dis office,
i was still quite focused on just earning money and study finance.
somehow, my focus dwindled and swayed towards the legal sector..

and my inspiration came from countless perusal of successful CVs,
what sch and how they made it so far in their careers, etc.
that really spurred me to wanna improve myself,
and if God allows, to litigate for a living!

its funny how i forgot or overlooked the stringent entry requirements
of the law schools here in singapore.
i applied nonetheless wif confidence!
went on to do my SATs, improved on my general knowledge and so on.

but as the story goes,
i've got rejected and stuff like that.
after a long ponder and self-reflection,
i rmbed asking myself "was God really behind me?"

i was undoubtedly, disappointed.
disappointed at my past,
disappointed at God,
disappointed at my inability.

nonetheless, i moved on and decided to snap back to reality.
wif a diploma of my grade,
i could only settle for something of my second-best interest,
communication studies.

i figured that the training and preparation got me pretty meticulous
in my language and general local or world affairs..
and all these preparations wouldn't have been prepared
if i didn't sign up for law school last yr!

and so, i applied to unisim for the course, communication studies.
i wanted Major in Communications and Minor in English,
but that course was scraped wif effect last yr.
disappointed again, but i could handle it in stride.

and so, after much contemplation and prayers,
i went for communication studies.
dis time, i went wif the peace of the Lord.
notice the difference btw peace of the Lord and confidence.

not too long ago,
i received my acceptance letter from unisim.
it was again quite strange,
how i wasn't as elated as i would expect myself to be..

i just knew, i would get in.
though there were bouts of uncertainty and worry along the way.
but here i am,
a prospective major in communication studies!

where would dis bring me,
i don't know.
dis is a course wif just a bachelors,
that doesn't entail me a further study for masters or PhD.

but it doesn't matter, coz i know God will provide.
He has His plans, no matter how weird the situation may be.
in lieu of the challenges and difficulties ahead,
i wanna learn to not depend on adrenalin enthusiams, but wif persevering faith!

so after all these blabber,
i conclude that for me,
memories are a gift from God to me.
at least it tells me how He brought me up..

and for that,
i thank God for being my Jehovah Jireh.
and for that,
i thank God for grace that is sufficient for me.