flashbacks.

are memories a gift or a curse?
generally speaking,
as human beings, we tend to wanna haf the best of both.
we like good ones but detest the bad ones..

would our lives be better without the ability to reminisce?
would our lives be more forward-looking without memories?
i don't know, but all i know is that
we haf memories, regardless of its nature.

just dis morning,
i was conjuring thoughts in my head, again.
and randomly, i was just thinking abt my life after NS.
how did it turn out..

those who follow my life closely
would know that i've been through many rejections.
a tad too many for anyone's liking and healthy morale..
but i'd say it made me hoo i am today!

as you all know,
i'd been working for round and about a yr and a half for now.
applied to 2 schs and got rejected from one,
and many many put-down remarks from colleagues and superiors..

but let's just dwell on how i got myself enrolled into sch today?
i rmb when i first started out in dis office,
i was still quite focused on just earning money and study finance.
somehow, my focus dwindled and swayed towards the legal sector..

and my inspiration came from countless perusal of successful CVs,
what sch and how they made it so far in their careers, etc.
that really spurred me to wanna improve myself,
and if God allows, to litigate for a living!

its funny how i forgot or overlooked the stringent entry requirements
of the law schools here in singapore.
i applied nonetheless wif confidence!
went on to do my SATs, improved on my general knowledge and so on.

but as the story goes,
i've got rejected and stuff like that.
after a long ponder and self-reflection,
i rmbed asking myself "was God really behind me?"

i was undoubtedly, disappointed.
disappointed at my past,
disappointed at God,
disappointed at my inability.

nonetheless, i moved on and decided to snap back to reality.
wif a diploma of my grade,
i could only settle for something of my second-best interest,
communication studies.

i figured that the training and preparation got me pretty meticulous
in my language and general local or world affairs..
and all these preparations wouldn't have been prepared
if i didn't sign up for law school last yr!

and so, i applied to unisim for the course, communication studies.
i wanted Major in Communications and Minor in English,
but that course was scraped wif effect last yr.
disappointed again, but i could handle it in stride.

and so, after much contemplation and prayers,
i went for communication studies.
dis time, i went wif the peace of the Lord.
notice the difference btw peace of the Lord and confidence.

not too long ago,
i received my acceptance letter from unisim.
it was again quite strange,
how i wasn't as elated as i would expect myself to be..

i just knew, i would get in.
though there were bouts of uncertainty and worry along the way.
but here i am,
a prospective major in communication studies!

where would dis bring me,
i don't know.
dis is a course wif just a bachelors,
that doesn't entail me a further study for masters or PhD.

but it doesn't matter, coz i know God will provide.
He has His plans, no matter how weird the situation may be.
in lieu of the challenges and difficulties ahead,
i wanna learn to not depend on adrenalin enthusiams, but wif persevering faith!

so after all these blabber,
i conclude that for me,
memories are a gift from God to me.
at least it tells me how He brought me up..

and for that,
i thank God for being my Jehovah Jireh.
and for that,
i thank God for grace that is sufficient for me.