bee.

don't we all give up at a certain point?
after pumping in so much effort,
so much time, so much tears and pain!
we find ourselves battered, don't we?

dis morning as i was plucked in,
i stood at my usual fav spot,
where i face the train door and haf an exclusive
panel to view the outside world while commuting.

and so, i stood there and usually i was alone.
but today, i had a friend!
it was a bee.
it must haf lost its way and flew into the train..

so being a MAN,
i decided to be calm and composed.
you can imagine,
me standing abt 2 feet away from the door wif the bee!

being an insect of its size,
the brain can't be all that creative..
anything that looks like the surroundings,
it would assume that to be an opening to its liberty.

but obviously not.
so to much of its surprise,
it is flapping so hard,
but yet finding itself only moving up and down and not forward!

it really tried v hard, and seemingly in a systematic manner.
it would flap so hard that moving upwards is inevitable.
and when it reaches my forehead's height,
it'd fall to my waist height again.

so it wasn't all that pleasant,
having a bee to be hovering around your frontal
in an enclosed pocket of space
early in the morning..

but nonetheless, i composed myself.
looking seemingly intrigued by it..
and so the train progresses from pasir ris to kembangan
and the bee vacillates from desmond's waist to head to waist again.

finally at kembangan,
it found itself exhausted.
barely clinging on to the latch of the window panel,
looking as though its enjoying the scenery of its last moments..

dis time, i was really tempted to take out a piece of tissue,
and squish it!
it was the best opportune time and chance,
to prevent any further distress.

but i didn't.
i thought maybe i should see how it survives in the tunnel!
MUAHAHHAHAA!
so i left it as it is, drained and discouraged.

but pple who takes train often and far enough
would know that the train door opening switches sides at raffles place.
so from pasir ris to tanjong pagar,
the opening door has always been behind me.

only until raffles place,
it'll open at my side.
but will soon revert to behind me starting from tanjong pagar again!
so i thought, dis might be a breakthrough for the bee..

we're finally in the tunnel.
but the bee found a new strength at bugis!
it started its vertical routine again,
dis time it seems pissed..

and the pisser it gets, the pisser i get!
and true enough, it flew right pass me at city hall!
rmb, i was plucked in.
i could almost hear "HOW DO YOU PPLE GET OUT?!" as it flew past.

it brushed across my ear and i had no choice,
but to shake my head profusely like i'm in a trance!
damn.
but even more sadly, the bee flew to the other side..

the door was gonna open on my side, rmb?
but dis time, its raffles place.
the bee's nvr gonna get out..
due to its impatience and frustration.

such a pity, i thought.
if only the bee knew it was dis close to liberation.
what a sad ending,
if only the bee knew that the tunnel was only 5 stations.

many times we're like that, aren't we?
we're so limited in our understanding and view.
pale in comparison wif God's infinite plan and wisdom..
we couldn't talk to the bee, but God can talk to us!

many times, when we're faced wif a difficulty.
a situation where it is unfathomable,
a crisis or a dark era where it seems totally unfair
and more often than not, too overwhelming for us to take.

if the bee would endure a lil longer,
trusting that there is definitely gonna be a way out.
the nature of the switch of sides for the doors,
would allow the patient bee to be free..

but it took matters into its hands,
and made its own situation a whole lot worse.
now, its more probable to die in the cabin,
then to ever harvest pollen on its hind legs again..

i often ask myself,
why does God enjoy seeing me in pain.
what joy does He really get,
and why would a merciful Father do dis to His beloved child.

but now i'm reminded by a whole new perspective.
if only we trust that He'll provide.
He WILL provide.
but do we trust Him enough?

or do we rather take things into our own hands,
when we face death?
"i'd rather die trying, than to die waiting."
are we like that?

Lord, i thank You for the bee reminder.
Father, i'm sorry for taking things into my own hands.
may You now, take me as You desire.
coz dis life i live, i live for You alone..