uncertainty.

haf you ever felt weird inside you,
that somehow you just couldn't comprehend.
haf you ever felt angry inside you,
that somehow you just couldn't understand.

recently, in fact for quite a while now.
there's dis strange thing in me,
that pulls the frustration plug on my behalf,
almost so discreetly that its dangerous..

there has been a constant war waging from within.
an ambitious mind, in a bid to take control of the whole entity of desmond.
and a humble yet increasingly weaken brain and physical flesh,
trying to build a wall to protect its fort.

my flesh and intellect knows and reports to me constantly,
that it is pleasing to the Lord,
if i was slow to anger and slow to speak.
as much as my brain can tell, my body finds itself incapacitated.

i could at the very least prevent my tongue from spewing,
but my heart was pounding faster at each second i suppress.
and more often than not,
i'm forced to walk away from the prospective crime scene..

what haf i become?
i don't know..
what had i done?
i don't know..

all i know, is that i should seek help.
and help can only come from the Engineer who wired me.
He should be able to do some fault-finding and rectify it..
and to do that, it is only by praying.

it is albeit tiring, i'm thankful for dis lesson.
for i know dis is a glitch in me that seeks urgent attention,
before i start hurting anyone else unintentionally anymore..
and to prevent that, i shall seek help from a higher Authority.

Lord, be my guide.
may You be my Healer.
Father, i wanna serve You as i am.
give me clean hands, bless me wif a pure heart, abba Father..