october29.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-13

i think the abovementioned
has spoken clearly enough.
AS chosen pple,
bear with each other and be merciful.

i'll pray for you guys and myself,
that we may continue to be gracious
to the unlovely,
as well as general pple who piss us off once in a while.

october28.

Ask and you'll get; Seek and you'll find; Knock and the door will open. Don't bargain with God. Be Direct. Ask for what you need.

Luke 11:9-10

after i pondered upon my requests,

to set out to God.

i've came to realise,

that i'm not in any need at all!

law sch,

its a want.

girlfriend,

its a want.

oh, what a greedy man i am.

Lord, please forgive me.

i thank You for all that You've already given me..

i thank You.

faraway.

as 1 nov draws nearer,
my dream of getting into law sch drifts further.
as i attempt my final mock papers,
i can't help but feel the jitters.

it seems like i'm nvr good enough.
7 tests attempted, 7 different scores.
in fact it only spelt out 1 thing,
ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

i've reserved the last mock test for fri.
hoping that i'll improve?
they always say,
results can only get better!

well, i guess its true to a certain extent.
but its still not good enough.
the law sch in s'pore is simply impervious.
my brains just aren't wired for tests!

argh, what's next?
what's plan B?
i don't know..
i don't know!!

mandarin song with english subtitles
damn weird.
but i think for jay chou's songs,
its very much needed.

and i must commend the transcriber
who did the transcription for the song.
he's quite accurate!
the song's so sad.

nochoice.

你那么爱她，为什么不把她留下？

if it is so easy,
as to like and keep.
don't like den throw..
there won't be so much heartbreaks now.

i guess sometimes,
we don't have the liberty to choose?
coz in a case where it involves another person,
it takes two hands to clap.

so answering that question,
i do feel v discouraged and dampened too.
but what can i do?
many a times, i don't have a choice but to comply.

to be very open and honest,
there had only been 3 ladies in my life.
only 3 who took my breath away.
but NONE, left me a choice.

not that they're selfish,
but they chose to be right.
at that point in time,
that was the ONLY way out.

though i don't blame them,
not that i haf the right to..
but to be human about it,
i do feel the pain and heartache.

so back to the cheena question.
not that i don't want to,
though i very much want to.
but i can't, coz i know that's what makes her happy-ier.

Letter dated 24 October 2008

Dear Mr Hoo,

We refer to your thought process dated 24 October 2008.

We thank you for your thoughtful exchanges and have noted your requests, or you may put it across as 'struggles'. The Secretariat also understands your difficulties and is willing to grant you a 'survival kit' to aide you in your Walk as per request.

Our organisation will also, inter alia, provide you with a water bottle of faith. In view of the finite resources, top-up stations are placed all around. Stations can be easily located if sufficient effort is discerned. Please kindly note that these 'survival kit' and water bottle will only be rendered upon registration, across the Wide Waters.

We are also perspicacious of your current situation at the junction, 'Cross Road', and understands that you might not be able to make it to the Registration Counter across the Wide Waters, due to the predominance of road gangsters, otherwise known as 'Carnal Desires'. They are best known for their 'soft' approach, whereby 'preys' are convinced that there's no point getting across Wide Waters, because life in the land of Familiar is good enough. Promised Land seems too far away and would be considered as 'superfluous'. And we urge that you would take extra caution while making your way here. A promising future is assured, if you can look beyond the now.

A word of advise for you, our valued citizen. The route across the Wide Waters might be daunting, but always bear this in mind. Who are you pleasing with your choices and decisions? A more strenuous journey will be ahead of you, upon registration. That explains the 'survival kit' and the water bottle of faith. You will not be left alone, but be sure that you MAY feel lonely. You will not be left to perish, but be sure that you MAY give up on yourself, on your own accord. One point you might want to take note, "ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find".

Thank you for your kind attention and we wish you all the best!

We look forward to seeing you at the Registration Counter.




Best regards,

Mr Jehovah (Jireh)
Chairman, Promised Land Corporation

october24.

Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to His people.. just as He promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises He gave.

1 King 8:56

october23.

Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with Him, we will also live with Him; if we endure, we will also reign with Him. If we dosown Him, He will dosown us; if we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.

2 Timothy 2:11-13

how true isn't it?
we mere human beings are so so limited.
in our thoughts, words and deeds.
the most faith we can ever muster, is still finite.

Lord, help me to endure through this.
with my very limited faith,
Father, use it to glorify Your name.
help me to stay focused on You and You alone!

october22.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51:12

Lord, You know what's best for me.
may my heart and soul,
be consecrated to Your divine will.

s u r a b a y a !

Day 1:

Pauline's room..
Damn unfair right!

Living room and that's where i did my SAT!

Still the living room,
which we didn't spend much time in..

kitchenette!

dis is jere and my room!
now you know why is it unfair?
we paid the same rates!

Narrow-gate fellowship!
this is in one of the rooms of a restaurant.

one of the rare harmonious sightings.
hahahha!

dis is where we had ice cream after the fellowship.
our Narrow-gate (NG) friends brought us there!

Day 2:

the much anticipated spa!
don't bother looking for pauline,
she zoomed off for her treatment first!

why so long ar?!

finally,
our "dark-room" for spa.
damn cosy and sleepy!

tai-tai was done first and had her hair washed first.
but finished the last!
coz her hair damn hard to dry.
that's the girl who massaged me..

dinner after spa!
this shopping centre is a hybrid of
Marina square and IMM?

and here comes the torture!
SUPPER!!
(the surabayoan way)
teochew muey at 9pm..
we had dinner at the mall above at 7pm!
and here at 9, we're eating AGAIN.

and that's the culprit for ordering so much, yenny.
one of the NG members..
wah, my hair.
tskk, cannot la..

and that's the happening group of NG.
from left: larry, morgen, jacky.
jacky's damn funny.. seriously!
when i say the fella's funny,
he's REALLY funny!

and right and right!
after the teochew muey supper,
dis is round 3!
on the same night!
we had murtabak!!
our stomachs almost burst, literally..

Day 3:

we went for "Milk Ministry"
and i didn't bring my phone,
that's why no pics..
jere brought his,
maybe he'll show you if you're interested.

what we did was basically to distribute milk to a village.
or rather, a slum..
i thought i only see these sights on National Geographic.
nvr did i dream, that i'll be in one LIVE!

after the Milk Ministry,
we went back to bathe and change out.
the NG pple called pastor inban again!
and asked of we had any plans,
coz they wanna invite us to a friend's birthday dinner!
you see, eat again..

from left: natasha, melany
it was melany's 36th birthday!

the NG crew.
from pauline, clockwise:
pauline, rudy, inban, natasha, melany, jacky, budy and ??

Day 4:

we went to one of the NG member's church.
he's pastoring that church!
he's andeos.
and that's one of the church member, troy.
he's interceding..

jere sharing testimony!
and that's andeos in yellow..

pauline sharing testimony.

and that was the speaker for that sunday.
he's.. err..
forgot lah!
he speaks hokkien very weirdly. hahaha!

the durians are DAMN BIG!

after service,
we went for lunch and went 'home' for accounts!
we settled our bills and collated whatever necessaries.
see jere frowning?
HAHHAHA!

actually she quite pretty ar?
when she don't look at the cam.
she tried to pose for this shot lah!
but being her good friend,
i told her she looks better looking down.
HAHAHHAHA!

and den the NG crew called inban,
and jio us out for dinner again!
and the excuse dis time was that
melany wants to give us a treat for her birthday!

and jacky was the first there!
him talking to pauline..

they haf a habit of ordering over the phone.
so when we get there and seated,
they'll serve the food IMMEDIATELY..

and dis is their 'the cathay house'
but the exterior resembles 'Chinasquare'
we watched a 9.40pm show after the dinner!
had a super dramatic car ride in morgen's.
and incredibly, we reached the theatre at 9.38pm!
oh, we watched 'body of lies'
damn violent and gruesome!
btw, movies in surabaya are PUNCTUAL.
they start the show at 9.40 sharp!

and that was the last night we hung out.
next morning which is today,
we had to wake up by 6.30am
and reach the airport by 9.30am..

hahhaa, but i only woke up at 7!
oops.
but we reached the airport an hour early..
sian, could've slept more lah!

afterall, it was an amazing trip!
none of the dinners and movie were planned for.
we did what we wanted basically..
the fellowship, spa and church.

but the dinners, movies,
and late night ice creams.
were ALL unexpected!
the NG crew was really really hospitable man!

if you ask me if i've rested enough,
i'd say no.
coz we really sleep late wake up early.
but..

i was refreshed spiritually,
and i'm really blessed to be a singaporean.
i'm saying dis wif ALL MY HEART!
the friends i haf here, the ammenities we haf here..

Lord, i thank You!
for my friends, my family and singapore.
and a job to keep me afloat financially!
thank You, Father!

sian, tmr work work..
back to reality.
like jere would put it,
"brother, must EMBRACE the reality."

ready already?

luggage - checked.
bible - checked.
SAT - checked.
QT material - checked.
toiletries - checked.
apparels - checked.
cologne - checked.
hair wax - checked.

but i'm not ready to leave.
to leave everything behind for 5 days that is..

limp.

i wanna stand up again.
what does Jesus want me to learn from dis?
i wanna be happy again.
what does Jesus want me to learn from dis?

can i ever?
will i ever?
if so, how long more?
carry on, des. carry on!

antidote?

when you're having a fever,
there's medicine to consume orally.
if its too high,
there's a jab to drop the temperature.

when you're injured,
there's 'burno' or 'iodine'.
if its too deep,
doctors can stitch it up.

when you're lovesick,
there're letters to reminisce.
if its too forlorn,
there's always a phone to connect to.

but when you're tired,
when sleep can no longer satisfy.
or when you're tired mentally and spiritually,
esp when you don't know what's wrong.

is there an antidote, cure or medication?
is there any ways or means to heal?
even if there're no cure,
surely there must be something to make you feel better.

where is it?

october12.

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

1 Peter 4:12-13

thank You, Lord.
thank you.

feelings/deeds?

as promised,
dis was what went through my mind
when i was walking back home,
plugged into my mp3.

there has been enough instances i came across,
that is enough to prove that
for one to fall in love with you,
it is not what you've done or can do.

but strangely enough,
it is something that NO ONE can control.
nothing can be done to achieve dis key to love.
chemistry, feeling..

i've friends doing ALOT for the girl of his dreams,
composing songs for her,
making surprises for her.
plan expensive outings for her.

and since i'm a mutual friend,
who happens to know both sides of their story.
i asked my trademark,
"he do so many things for you, you no feelings meh?"

and she replied,
"got lah. i was abit touched lor."
den you got any feelings for him?
"nope. friends what.."

and another instance of
feelings superceding deeds.
dis is quite classified,
but i would think its rather classic.

they haf alr broken up.
and the guy was obviously a jerk to mankind lah!
normal friends would support the girl of her wise decision.
but they PATCHED BACK!

familiar?
despite the stupid things that happened,
and normal sound human brains would know
that NOTHING GOOD would come out of it.

but dis yet again,
proves that the trite saying,
"love is blind"
prevails..

so are we convinced now?
that love is NOTHING to do wif deeds.
good or bad,
both the same.

let's look at God's love for us.
did we find it hard at any one point
of our christian walk.
that why would God still love us?

because He has feelings for us.
some feelings that are so profound!
He loved us,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE BREAK HIS HEART!

if you cannot come to terms wif that,
look at our own loving style.
and see if you can draw any parallel
to what loving actually means..

there's nothing we can do
to make Him love us more.
nothing that we've done,
could make Him close the door.

because of His GREAT LOVE,
He gave His only Son.
everything was done,
so you would come..

that is love my friend.
something simple,
yet so hard to comprehend and execute.
but at the same time, its lovely!

shithappens.

jac once commented,
"you like damn suay one ar?
bad things happen in a row for you."
tell me abt it.

now, it is a time where
i really don't know what to say,
how to say,
why to even say what i'm going through now.

i'm so tired from everything.
some may concur that sometimes,
they just wanna sit in front of the tv and stone.
just let images flood past your eyes.

some may also agree that sometimes,
they just wanna run away from everything.
coz either they can't handle,
or they don't wanna face it.

yet there are pple who sometimes,
just pull a long face without a reason.
but they know they're not feeling good..
excluding those wif 'default' sad faces!

you know what, folks?
i wanna do all of the above.
but how?
obviously i couldn't.

nowadays, i conclude that i can't express myself.
at least as well as i could last time.
now, there can be pockets of time
where i find myself loss for words/explanations.

just today,
ruth and jo asked me,
"why you so sian.."
and ruth tried reverse psychology by doing the same to me.

and to be honest,
the first thing i thought of.
or rather, the first legitimate reason
was coz of some planning i was conveniently tasked to.

but that was not exactly all that was bothering me.
there's something more than just that.
probably something that happened the night before,
but a very small percentage coz i've came to terms wif it.

so we left it as that.
desmond conveniently became the emo-for-nothing guy.
and went back home,
as usual by foot from the mrt.

when i was walking back home,
i thought abt stuffs
(which i will elaborate in the next post)
to prevent ultra long entry!

so i wasn't in the best of my moods
and when i came home,
my dad asked me to read some legal letter from ComfortDelgro.
its a lawyer's letter.

the all too familiar writing style,
feels like i OT-ed when i was reading it.
but it turned out to be just a notification,
saying that the proceedings of his accident are still ongoing.

so i explained everything in the simplest of forms to him,
and before i could finish.
he opened another letter from the police..
and a big hoo-ha thereafter.

i'll reserve the rights of my sister's privacy.
and circumvent the details of the letter.
and she was out for a chalet wif her sec sch friends,
and her hp had no batt left!

so i had to activate jianxiong,
who was her sec sch friend to help me contact
any of his friends from her clique,
to contact my sister.

and after some 45 mins,
my sister called me.
she shouted at me,
which i guess it was out of defense.

but nonetheless,
she was already on the way home when she called.
and being her brother,
i could sense that she's scared and crying.

so i assured her that things are okay,
just don't raise her voice when talking to my folks.
i'll sit by her and make sure things are fine,
and she was clamer by then.

while waiting,
my alr-fuming dad was shouting at my bro!
coz that bugger got punished AGAIN!
for being too talkative.

so after i put the phone down wif my sister,
i rushed to my bro's room to see what's going on,
and by then my dad stormed out saying,
"one of dis days my blood vessel will burst ar!"

and so my mum and i stayed behind in the room,
tried to make sense out of everything.
and once my mum heard that he cannot go outing
coz he's too naughty in class.

she turned to me,
wif the super tired eyes.
suddenly, my late grandma's face matched!
and she said, "ah siang, i don't know how to teach alr."

and she walked out,
so i stayed behind
and talked to my super blur-looked bro
and got him to slp wif my aunty tonight.

coz i really don't know what will happen
when my sister comes back.
so after all is settles, i turned on my com.
and logged in.

but i decided to sit outside wif my dad,
to haf a chat wif him
and try to sound him out see if everything's okay at work.
and he divulged his struggles.

he started saying,
"aiyah, i say also you won't know one lah!"
so i kept quiet,
as we watched 'miami ink'.

and den soon enough,
he opened up.
"last wk i almost fought wif my colleague.."
and it went on.

den SUDDENLY,
amidst all the heart pouring session,
my sister opens the door.
there was an awkward silence.

my mum came out of her room,
and she drew first blood.
my sister told her,
"before you say anything. i show korkor something."

i was sitting there watching miami ink,
and there was the textual report of the lodge.
and as i was reading,
my mum was accusing my sister for being irresponsible.

and when i finished,
i interrupted the both of them
saying,
"ah mei alr said she wanted to tell you all,
but you and papa were quarrelling that time."

and my mum went on refuting on other points,
and there stood my sister crying
and explaining her position
and guess what was my dad doing.

he was clicking his mouse,
looking as though he has a million dollar deal.
but i bet he was listening throughout.
and he kept silent even until now..

and i told my sister,
"mummy is just worried that you.."
and i told my mum,
"ah mei just couldn't find the best time to tell you.."

and my mum went back into her room, teary.
and my sister still standing beside me,
explaining to me what actually happened.
and my dad was still clicking..

once my sister went back to her room,
i plunged into damage control right away.
still sitting in my chair, i asked my dad.
"so you can read your emails alr?"

coz he was facing the same prob as me.
and we were talking abt that
when my sister came home!
so that was a follow-up, and he just nodded.

den i went to my mum's room,
and listened to her voice out her worries.
and the pains of being a mum
and her disposition to be a responsible mum.

den i addressed her issues and assured her,
that as long as i'm still in dis house.
i'll keep it intact.
and no use regretting and worrying.

den i went to my sister's room,
to see if she's doing okay.
and assured her my parents' position
and be accountable in her actions from now on.

and once all that was done,
i went to the beach for a while.
to make sense out of today,
and a bit of ytd..

if dis goes on,
i wonder how long more i can hold.
if dis is a training for me to be a responsible father,
i think i'll be seasoned enough to haf 50 kids.

and i'm left by myself, thinking.
what is all these going on now?
what else can i do to be a reliable son.
i don't know..

and tmr there's gonna be a celebration!
wif all the expected laughter and joy.
surely i won't bring my troubles there,
and i hope my smile won't gif way.

i'll press on,
like i've always been.
the more passive desmond has evolved
to be a more mediative eldest son.

Lord, if You can.
take me with You..
i'm very very tired.
will there be even more for me to take?

iwill.

while i'm waiting,
i'll serve You..

while i'm waiting,
i'll worship You..

while i'm waiting,
i will not faint, i WILL run the race..

even while i wait.
yes, i will wait!

grandmamissesyou.

where are you..

whathe!

what the hell did i do?!

october8.

My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Exodus 33:14

Hmm, go wherever i go?
if i'm going to somewhere far,
even i myself won't know where.
are You still coming with me, Lord?

wishlist.

Dear God,
could you please grant my wishes?
its not really impossible,
coz nothing is too difficult for You right?

okay okay,
why not this, God..
even if You don't approve,
at least read through it and tell me why not?

okay Lord,
here comes my wishlist.

1. i wish i could be less sensitive
   and more magnanimous
2. i wish i've a smarter/wiser brain
   so that i can be a useful man on earth
3. i wish i have a girlfriend,
   whom i can love and pamper.
4. if no 3 is too premature,
   can i at least know who is it?
   (can show me through a dream or a nudge?)
5. i wish i can be less hot-tempered
6. i wish i can be a blessing unto others,
   they don't hafta acknowledge if its hard for them to.

Lord, i've realised how selfish i am.
that i sing to You week in week out,
how much i wanna serve You,
how much i love You.

but looking at my wishlist,
NONE of the above has Your name on it.
Lord, convict me..
for i've neglected You over and over again.

i'm hurting pretty bad in me,
but i'm not sure why.
i haf all the ans to my doubts,
but i'm just not satisfied.

Lord, to be honest wif You.
sometimes i really feel like giving up.
because being a christian is so tough,
what more a christian leader..

Jesus, You've made the heavens and the earth.
and You've meticulously made me.
please Lord, tell me where to go.
for i am feeling so lost now.

each day i live my life wif a simple
and generic goal.
which is to be a blessing to pple around me.
to fly Your flag up high.

but Lord,
each time i go out of my comfort zone to try,
i get discouraged and pushed back.
now i'm tired of trying.

Father, i've also realised
that my temper these days had been really bad!
my impatience level's running an all-time high.
what's happening Lord?

is it because dis is the real me?
if it is, den Lord i'm unclean.
and i need You to clean me,
for i can't see where my dirt is..

if i'm walking in Your ways,
listening to what You've set out on the tablets,
the 2nd commandment,
Honour your parents..

den why am i still where i am today?
unchanged since 6 yrs ago.
why do i still feel so..
confined?

i don't know.. it's just so hard.

october7.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 10:36

october6.

You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

Psalm 73:24

enlightenment!

i know why alr!!
if 21 is twenty-one,
31 is thirty-one,
den 11 should be tenty-one.

but because if that's the case,
tenty-one will sound like twenty-one!
and to prevent articulating confusion,
11 is called eleven.

sorry, eleven.
if you feel left out of the league.
or even feel that you're less of a number
coz you're not called tenty-one.

but be assured dis day!
because of your sacrifice in name-sake,
the numerical system is made undisputed!
that mankind can be edified.

tribute to ELEVEN!
you're appreciated..

why ar?

can anybody tell me..
if 21 is twenty-one,
if 31 is thirty-one,
why isn't 11, onety-one?

somebody please enlighten me.
dis goes to show that,
not everything in life is logical.
and not everything requires an explanation!

student + dying = studying

eh?

on a separate note,
WHY CAN'T I READ MY EMAILS?!!

slaves, all the same.

today's main service sermon
was a comical and prompt reminder!
it was about being a slave to God,
and slaves being all EQUAL..

right at that instance,
an analogy came to mind!
i remember my glorious days in SISPEC.
School of Infantry Specialists

when we were all trainees,
or 'private' they would call us.
we haf a platoon of peers and
everybody knows everybody!

but responsibilities still had to be distributed,
and inevitably, diff pple will hold diff appointments.
some had to be in a more commanding role,
most had to support their fellow peers who're role playing!

i remember i was appointed the
Leader Sergeant Major.
the highest rank/appointment any 'private' could attain.
and also came with the largest responsibilities.

yep, i struggled alot!
and towards the end,
i even cried on my bed at night
silently..

had to handle the immense pressure the instructors gave me.
had to handle my breakup with cheryl.
had to make sure my jobs are done well,
and to pass out in honour!

but did that make me a higher ranking 'private'?
in the eyes of the instructors,
i am but only a 'private',
a trainee like 79 others.

and when i finally pass out,
i am like any other corporal,
and a sergeant thereafter!
just like any others.

and likewise even now.
being a worship leader,
doesn't make me any higher than others.
doesn't make me a more 'holy' person.

and in the eyes of God,
i am, but a child of God.
like you..
any of you who're reading this blog!

we haf different 'roles' or 'appointments' in life.
and when we die,
we are, but children of God.
spending time wif Him like any other!

so be encouraged,
my fellow servants of God!
in times of trouble and difficulties,
when you question, "why me?"

be encouraged!
and receive the 'appointment' with honour.
be blessed!
that God chose you, to be a servant unto Him!

that we may serve alongside pple around us..
in spirit and in truth!
there may be a big disparity in age or backgrounds,
but bear in mind that we're serving the same God!

let us continue to serve one another in humility!
you may have overcame a certain trial in life,
but that doesn't make you a better christian
than the one who's struggling right now!

brothers and sisters,
like some might put it..
we're in the last lap of the last days!
it's going to be tough, but take heart!

finish the race with honour!
that our Master might say to us,
"well done, GOOD and FAITHFUL children..
come join Me in Eternity!"

really?

i believe dis video spoke enough
do you haf any dysfunctions in your life?
if you do,
why is it unhealthy?

it can be broken friendships,
it can be spiritual life,
it can be anything,
including your weight!

think abt it..

suchislife.

support.

as christians,
sometimes a friend's sms can mean more than a sermon.
a nudge from a friend
can mean more than the dozens of handshakes in church.

may we continue to support one another,
edify one another.
if we think we cannot,
den at the very least, don't run them down.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we wil reap harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Galatians 6:9-10