shithappens.

jac once commented,
"you like damn suay one ar?
bad things happen in a row for you."
tell me abt it.

now, it is a time where
i really don't know what to say,
how to say,
why to even say what i'm going through now.

i'm so tired from everything.
some may concur that sometimes,
they just wanna sit in front of the tv and stone.
just let images flood past your eyes.

some may also agree that sometimes,
they just wanna run away from everything.
coz either they can't handle,
or they don't wanna face it.

yet there are pple who sometimes,
just pull a long face without a reason.
but they know they're not feeling good..
excluding those wif 'default' sad faces!

you know what, folks?
i wanna do all of the above.
but how?
obviously i couldn't.

nowadays, i conclude that i can't express myself.
at least as well as i could last time.
now, there can be pockets of time
where i find myself loss for words/explanations.

just today,
ruth and jo asked me,
"why you so sian.."
and ruth tried reverse psychology by doing the same to me.

and to be honest,
the first thing i thought of.
or rather, the first legitimate reason
was coz of some planning i was conveniently tasked to.

but that was not exactly all that was bothering me.
there's something more than just that.
probably something that happened the night before,
but a very small percentage coz i've came to terms wif it.

so we left it as that.
desmond conveniently became the emo-for-nothing guy.
and went back home,
as usual by foot from the mrt.

when i was walking back home,
i thought abt stuffs
(which i will elaborate in the next post)
to prevent ultra long entry!

so i wasn't in the best of my moods
and when i came home,
my dad asked me to read some legal letter from ComfortDelgro.
its a lawyer's letter.

the all too familiar writing style,
feels like i OT-ed when i was reading it.
but it turned out to be just a notification,
saying that the proceedings of his accident are still ongoing.

so i explained everything in the simplest of forms to him,
and before i could finish.
he opened another letter from the police..
and a big hoo-ha thereafter.

i'll reserve the rights of my sister's privacy.
and circumvent the details of the letter.
and she was out for a chalet wif her sec sch friends,
and her hp had no batt left!

so i had to activate jianxiong,
who was her sec sch friend to help me contact
any of his friends from her clique,
to contact my sister.

and after some 45 mins,
my sister called me.
she shouted at me,
which i guess it was out of defense.

but nonetheless,
she was already on the way home when she called.
and being her brother,
i could sense that she's scared and crying.

so i assured her that things are okay,
just don't raise her voice when talking to my folks.
i'll sit by her and make sure things are fine,
and she was clamer by then.

while waiting,
my alr-fuming dad was shouting at my bro!
coz that bugger got punished AGAIN!
for being too talkative.

so after i put the phone down wif my sister,
i rushed to my bro's room to see what's going on,
and by then my dad stormed out saying,
"one of dis days my blood vessel will burst ar!"

and so my mum and i stayed behind in the room,
tried to make sense out of everything.
and once my mum heard that he cannot go outing
coz he's too naughty in class.

she turned to me,
wif the super tired eyes.
suddenly, my late grandma's face matched!
and she said, "ah siang, i don't know how to teach alr."

and she walked out,
so i stayed behind
and talked to my super blur-looked bro
and got him to slp wif my aunty tonight.

coz i really don't know what will happen
when my sister comes back.
so after all is settles, i turned on my com.
and logged in.

but i decided to sit outside wif my dad,
to haf a chat wif him
and try to sound him out see if everything's okay at work.
and he divulged his struggles.

he started saying,
"aiyah, i say also you won't know one lah!"
so i kept quiet,
as we watched 'miami ink'.

and den soon enough,
he opened up.
"last wk i almost fought wif my colleague.."
and it went on.

den SUDDENLY,
amidst all the heart pouring session,
my sister opens the door.
there was an awkward silence.

my mum came out of her room,
and she drew first blood.
my sister told her,
"before you say anything. i show korkor something."

i was sitting there watching miami ink,
and there was the textual report of the lodge.
and as i was reading,
my mum was accusing my sister for being irresponsible.

and when i finished,
i interrupted the both of them
saying,
"ah mei alr said she wanted to tell you all,
but you and papa were quarrelling that time."

and my mum went on refuting on other points,
and there stood my sister crying
and explaining her position
and guess what was my dad doing.

he was clicking his mouse,
looking as though he has a million dollar deal.
but i bet he was listening throughout.
and he kept silent even until now..

and i told my sister,
"mummy is just worried that you.."
and i told my mum,
"ah mei just couldn't find the best time to tell you.."

and my mum went back into her room, teary.
and my sister still standing beside me,
explaining to me what actually happened.
and my dad was still clicking..

once my sister went back to her room,
i plunged into damage control right away.
still sitting in my chair, i asked my dad.
"so you can read your emails alr?"

coz he was facing the same prob as me.
and we were talking abt that
when my sister came home!
so that was a follow-up, and he just nodded.

den i went to my mum's room,
and listened to her voice out her worries.
and the pains of being a mum
and her disposition to be a responsible mum.

den i addressed her issues and assured her,
that as long as i'm still in dis house.
i'll keep it intact.
and no use regretting and worrying.

den i went to my sister's room,
to see if she's doing okay.
and assured her my parents' position
and be accountable in her actions from now on.

and once all that was done,
i went to the beach for a while.
to make sense out of today,
and a bit of ytd..

if dis goes on,
i wonder how long more i can hold.
if dis is a training for me to be a responsible father,
i think i'll be seasoned enough to haf 50 kids.

and i'm left by myself, thinking.
what is all these going on now?
what else can i do to be a reliable son.
i don't know..

and tmr there's gonna be a celebration!
wif all the expected laughter and joy.
surely i won't bring my troubles there,
and i hope my smile won't gif way.

i'll press on,
like i've always been.
the more passive desmond has evolved
to be a more mediative eldest son.

Lord, if You can.
take me with You..
i'm very very tired.
will there be even more for me to take?