dejavu.

somehow i just see my life repeating in his.
and i'm supposed to be guiding him,
encouraging and loving him.

but i hated myself for being that last time.
and i'm going thru the same thing as him now.

oh, its just so hard!
putting on that smile,
telling him what he should and shouldn't.
where i myself am struggling!

its painful,
its tiring.
but i'll hang on!
because i promised myself,
not to be that weak emotionally anymore!

i need to pray wif somebody neutral.
i need to pray wif somebody wise.
i need a listening ear.
i need You in my EVERYDAY LIFE.

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God and I surrender
To Your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want You to know
I will follow You all my days

For no one else in history is like You
And history itself belongs to You
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will spend eternity with You

hmm.

yep, i finally painted my walls today,
only to realise that its only gonna last for a day.
was quite sad to hear that my parents objects of the colour,
but i guess i've to be a good testimony huh?

submit to my parents,
and honour them.
yeah, let's put selfish desires aside.

oh yah, if u wanna see how it looks like.
can view it "LIVE" at Zing's!
and don, zing! really thanks for ur help!
glad u guys had fun!

hmm,
what i've learnt today while painting..
as i was kneeling on the floor,
trying to reach for a blindspot.
just suddenly dawned upon me that,
i HAVE TO be on my own now.

i mean, i cannot expect my dad to keep painting my room!
yes, it used to be.
"siang ar, what colour u want for ur room?"

next wk, i see the colour i want,
already on the walls with furnitures all in.
now its,
"siang ar, time to start painting ur room."
and i hafta choose my own colour,
and DO IT MYSELF!

its not as if i don't know how to,
or just being lazy.
but man, i've grown up.
and my dad's old..
some day he'll pass on,
and i'll be on my own!

how many more years left!
and i haven't had enough opportunities,
or rather, courage.
to share wif my family the Good News!

i really don't wanna see my family in the
bloody scummy hell (like wm would put it)
i still wanna be wif them when we pass on!
as a family, for eternity.

suddenly, time's running out!

felt so happy for don and zing and their brothers!
that joy in my heart,
just can't seem to find a reason why.
not as if they're my brothers! (blood brother that is)

but i just felt so so happy!
and i know they're elated too.
and on the other hand,
i'd love to haf that too!

the nudge that sees my family respond.
the *head gesture* to signal my family up to the altar.
yeah, i want that too.
but how?

Dear God,
pls continue to use me as a testimony
and an instrument for your lost sheep!
they're so precious to You..

Bless me with that extra portion of
courage and passion!
so that more may come to see You,
so that more may come to know You.

in Jesus' name, i pray!
Amen!

bam!

Christmas is over huh?
but i know i didn't waste my day away.
i had sucha fun day!!

spent time talking to jx.
trying my best to be there for him when he needs me.
trying to hear him out when he yearns for that listening ear.
dis was the best i could do.
and i'm really glad i set aside time for u, bro!
coz i've learnt so much abt u,
and i know the barrier btw us is breaking down!
praise God for that!

and over at ann's place,
spoke to nic abt various issues.
and realised i really gotta catch up wif him man!
sat in a pavilion,
discussing abt things.
how emo..
hahhaa!

and after that,
we went on my most anticipated outing!
late night plannings didn't go to waste afterall.
Zing, thanks for planning together!

had so much laughter at the movie,
and the tom yam steamboat after that was..
BEST!
hahahah! it's been long..
since we last sat down for a dinner like that.

still rmb bel asked me,
"what was the movie we last watched together ar?"
yeah, its that long!
or maybe its just me,
coz of my duties and stuff..

really missed having dinners, suppers,
movies and outings together.
really thank God for His providence,
that we can come and eat and laugh together again!
Thank You, thank You!!

oh, and after that mahjong at dion's.
spoke to one of them there,
and felt, oh man!
there's so much to learn from in dis guy.
had such an intimate talk.
sitting on the swing,
rocking, talking, rocking, praying.

and the best part,
after praying for one another,
he told me,
"err, des. felt that the Lord's impressing on me that u've not surrendered EVERYTHING to Him. yep. so go home and pray abt it k? cool, now it's time to party!"

hahaha! and true enough,
prayed and thought abt it.
i've seen my blindspot,
and i thank God for you!

Oh Lord,
how often we forget abt u,
when we're having fun.
how often we take joy for granted,
when we're having fun.

But Father,
dis day i commit my ALL to u.
help me to trust in You,
more and more each day.

in Jesus' name,
Amen!

merrymerry!

HOO HOO HOO MERRY CHRISTMAS!

what a great joy to the world!
that we can celebrate the birth of our Saviour,
while collecting cards and presents!

Hahaha. Anyways,
i pray that we'll con't to stay close to one another.
and love one another SINCERELY!

Adieus!

GodisGreat.

i believe many of u out there,
wants a white christmas right?

share wif u all something.
it was damn funny, thought abt it when i'm bathing.
was telling God how much i want a white christmas.
den suddenly dis thought flashed past.
"i've given u more than a fluffy white christmas alr."

den i was like,
"eh? oh yah ar."
guess when was it..

i was in pri 5,
involved in a chinese heritage tour.
SHPS brought us to beijing,
was damn cold then.
but no snow..

just when we were walking back
to the coach after dinner.
i felt cold water, dripping.
i thought it was raining..

den after a while,
my buddy said to me,
"wah, how come china's rain so painful wan?"

den we saw pple running,
and pple behind us were running and shouting.
"Hailstorm!!"

now that i think back,
i got more than snowflakes!
i saw more than a drizzle of snow.
i experienced a storm of hail!!

so, when u tell God what u want.
think again..
He'd probably given u more alr!
HAHAHAH!!

aight.

indeed it was all worth it!
looking at the young ones experience God,
looking at them enjoying the games,
looking at them go crazy during the campfire,
looking at them laugh at the talentime.

t'was all worth it!
nothing else meant more to me
than my own walk wif God.

God was so real, to us!
seeing how it rained 2 days before the camp,
and now rained the whole day again after the camp.
and during the camp, it was so sunny!
really no words are enough to thank Him.

the youths have really grown alot.
and i've got to know so many more pple!
though i'm busy wif stuff,
but i've got sufficient quality time wif friends!

so thankful, really.
dis camp has not only been a dream come true,
but MANY prayers answered!

Oh, how i love u oh Lord!
You'd been the source of strength thru dis.
and u'll always be, in times of need.
where will i be without u?
what can i do without u?
nothing, nothing.
absolutely nothing!!

oh, i'm in sucha mood to praise!
the immense joy in my heart!
oh Lord, u're so worthy of such praises.
i don't wanna let dis joy go..

abide in me, as i abide in You yah?
coz ur child wants to be with His Father forevermore!
Love u, Dad.

yeah, u guys are right.
leadership IS lonely..
but with You, i'm victorious!