silenced.

i'venvrbeenfeltdisleft-outinmyWHOLEENTIRELIFE. somanythingsiwannablog,butican't! becausepplemightbehurt. pplemightbeaffected. pplemightbeworried. someofthemareevenfrommy"support"buddies. darn!itssohard. sohard.

*i wanna gif up, but i can't. for the sake of my Father.*

muted.

PAIN!

muted.

PAIN!

what a great joy!

first of all, i wanna gif thanks to dis best friend of mine. i wanna thank Him for EVERYTHING He's placed in my life daily. both good and bad. hey my friends, u know what? i really just can't stop praising His' name [sorry sarah.] because everyday, and i mean everyday there's something for me to praise Him for. if u've been wondering how come desmond suddenly so holy. i would say, "great thanks to the Lord for bring the PDL campaign into our church, into my life." its true! everyday i'll just wanna tell myself that "today is a new day to make God smile!! so exciting!"

like what i've told some of u, that the chapter that made dis vast change in me is "What makes God smile". it is so inspiring [at least for me], to just aim to make God smile everyday. my SIP group has dis post-it notes software in our cell com. and our group leader will update those notes and state what are our tasks for the day. same thing! every morning when i wake up, i just wanna relive that assuring feeling at night before i sleep that "i had made God smile today." and naturally, it'll just bring a smile on my face. just like when i see cheryl smile, i'll haf dis internal joy in me. even though at times i didn't show it. dis is probably the reason why i can relate the importance and joy in making God [the person u truly love] smile.

and what's most amazing when u keep a close r/s wif God is that u'll naturally begin to see that God is in EVERY aspect in ur life! and i really really wanna honour Him by sharing dis wif u all. today wasn't a very good day. had lotsa mis-communication wif pple, pple mis-judge u through their assumptions. and u try so hard to show love by suppressing ur anger that u know will end up quite badly, yet pple still blame u for being non-chalent. u know that kinda feeling, somehow puts pple to wonder whether is what u do, love? so the whole night was moody for me until when i reached home. don't know why i decided to smile and greet my mother when i reach home. and she smiled back!! she didn't "shen jing ar? hen hao xiao meh?" like she'd usually say. hahahahaha! and she straight away sat up from her lying down postion on the sofa, so eager to update me on my family as i haven't been home early enough to talk to them for nearly a week. yah, so she told me so many things and she suddenly ask me to bring my brother to church. hahha! i was quite turn-off lah, the bringing him home part after church, and all the attention from pple. don't really like lah. yah, den i don't know why, suddenly i just ask "why u don't wanna go church ar?" den she said "you think i don't want meh? but where do i find the time? the stall opens on sundays. and if i don't work, the family expenses how?" yah, so i just nodded lor. but the happiest part is that she said "u think i don't want meh?" there's dis small lil gap in her heart, but buried under piles and piles of commitment!! so i urge all of u, that in ur quiet time, please keep my mum in prayer. there's hope for my family!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!

yep, so i pray that those of u who are struggling to keep up wif the campaign or struggling to love God, to continue to struggle till the end. its nvr easy. but the good news is He nvr gives up. =)

*i'm still in bliss in the midst of tough times*

read the lyrics thoroughly.

God sent His' son,
the called Him, Jesus
He came to love,
heal and forgive.

He gave His' life,
to buy my pardon.
an empty grave is there to prove
my SAVIOUR LIVES!

and because He lives,
I can face tomorrow.
because He lives,
all fear is gone..

and because i know,
i know He holds the future.
and life is worth the living,
just because He lives!!

for pleasure?

dear friends, after reading the PDL book for a week now. haven't faced any doubts throughtout the week. until when cheryl asked me dis, "why are we on dis earth for God's pleasure? why pleasure? why not plans or purpose?"
ever asked urself that? the first thoughts in my head were "oh yah ar. why is God so selfish? why did He create us for Himself to play? and He jolly well knows that we're gonna suffer on dis earth, why the hell He created us for? pleasure?!" yeah, those were my thoughts. but nonetheless, i pondered and thought for quite a while, over the week and prayed abt it. and these are my thoughts.
one of my friend, bharat told me dis. "God finds pleasure in loving us. He loved us so much that He wanna create us and put us on dis earth for preparation for His REAL REWARD, HEAVEN." upon hearing dis, i was still very stubborn and refuted, "He can choose to create us and put us straight in heaven, why must let us suffer?" but i asked myself, am i really worthy to be in heaven at my present state? and that answer still didn't set in me until today, when mingjie prayed for our cell, saying "... for Your pleasure, we're made." nothing special abt dis line itself, but i think God really spoke to me and highlighted whatever bharat said before.
"I loved u so much that i wanna create u so similar wif myself. so that we can spend eternity together in soul, not just thoughts and images in my head."
alot of pple may think, den why create us to make us suffer on dis earth? if He already knew all these would happen?
my analogy to answer dis qn is:
there're are exams to test and make us study really hard, the teachers knew that it's torturing, why can't they just scrape the whole idea of EXAMINATION and just gif us our cert?
brothers and sisters, God is like the "teacher". He felt for us when we mug, when we suffer under stress. He DIDN'T laugh over our suffering, but came down to our level and taught us step by step in details. He didn't scrape the whole system of examination because He felt that there's a NEED for dis EXAM[life on earth], in order to suceed in the working world and haf a good life thereafter[eternal life in heaven]. let's not just coop ourselves and lament over these short-term suffering and overlook God's whole plan for us. but praise God, for dis EXAM. if not for dis "suffering", we'll all be banished to hell. simply because we ALL fall short of His' glory. we really NEED dis exam.

*thank You, master.*

well-formed love banishes all fear.

Day 3:
what got stuck in me upon completion of chapter 3, was all the truths about working and working without knowing what i really want in life. and the reason why i do not know what i want in life, is because i haf no known-purpose yet!! and the result of all the frantic pace, is fatigue, loss of passion.

key point for me: focused or light all concentrated in a small output, can haf much more impact than having a light shone all over the place. Eg: light shone in magnifying glass, can set paper or grass on fire.

how do i really focus on something? and what should i focus on? hmm.. still excited about dis book that it will help me realise something, somehow. and i know it'll happen, if only i'm opened to it.

*tissue tissue, baby shu!*

its all abt u. not abt us.

somethings, really do happen for a reason. be it upset or for joy. its still a reason. many a times, we tend to carry every burden by our own strength and start blaming ourselves for not being able to fulfil certain standards we've set for ourselves. and u all should know what goes on next.
model ans: we must let God carry our burdens. not by our strength.
right? hahah. i don't hafta elaborate anymore. but recently, i've been thinking.. how do we let God carry our burdens? how do we so simply cast it to Him and be light-hearted and live life as it is. how? like, what's the "art of letting go"? haven't been able to answer that yet. still thinkin.
but while i was reading PDL in the first chapter. as the title suggests "its not abt us." den i had a brief concept abt what rick warren's gonna talk abt. must be those kinda things like "praise God, not always praying for ur wants and needs and blah blah blah.."
but its not! he talks abt focal point. and God should be our focal point. we'll nvr get to our destination, if our starting point is wrong!! so many pple have been struggling wif "finding our own purpose". including myself. in fact, recently i was very very disturbed and discouraged when i see my relatives or close friends who are younger than me, excel and discoverd their talents much earlier than me. and i can't help but wonder, am i really good at something? as u can see, the above line already has so many "i", "me". so is it really abt me or God? even though its just the first chapter of PDL, but i can really sense dis tugging and feeling that something revolutionary is gonna take place in my life. and i'm excited! for our cell, BCG. for my excitement to please God. for my life that's gonna take flight in 38 days time. but of coz, i shouldn't be so hyped up and on-fire for now, and then lose the boost after some time, which ALWAYS happens. dis time, i'm gonna try something different. i want to learn and take things slow. so dear brethrens, u should know what to do. PRAY FOR EACH OTHER! =)

* i'm still hopeful *