gravedug.

to God be all praises!

though the truth was hard to swallow.
but i had to,
somehow or rather!
before i go into self-destruction..

for those of u who knows what's going on,
i've been reminded or revealed.
by the grace of God,
thru p!

a struggle, or issue
that seemed so familiar.
yet so raw..
its been growing in me like nvr before.

so bad that dis time,
i needed somebody else to tell me what exactly is wrong.
and i'm thankful for that,
really.

nothing before i get right wif myself first.
one yr, two yrs?
half yr, 3 months?
i don't know.

when God thinks i'm really ready.
He'll provide.
and that's for sure.
coz the way He speaks to pple.
its so amazing..

and the cool thing is dis,
no matter how hard u try to justify urself,
u'll get lost in ur own argument.
simply because He knows u better than urself!

and when we look back at how things went,
everything seemed to fall in place!
and on my side,
just so that He can let me see,
what is the real reason why
i'm still single!

not because i'm ugly,
or coz i can't sing as well as some.
or coz i'm not as well versed in the bible as some.
or coz i'm not smart enough.

but simply because i haven't learnt enough.
God had been warning me to go slow.
i chose to let my emotions get the better of me.
in the end,
i suffer the repercussions!

and the v fact that because of dis issue.
dis v specific issue that i just realised!
abt myself,
caused me to shut my mouth.

"what makes me think i deserve a gf now?"
"what makes me think i'm ready!"
"what makes me think i know who's right for me?"
"where's Jesus in the picture?"
"whose endorsement is it?"

Dear God,
i thank You wif all my heart dis day.
that You've awaken me.
You reminded me of myself,
so clearly that i've gotta admit dis time!
Father, what's next?
i ask that You'll help me,
not to run ahead of You.
help me overcome dis problem of mine,
WITH You.
O Lord,
i want to seek Your face, and not Your hands.
i want to know and love You for who You are,
and not what You can do for me.
Just like You've made me a selfless being,
i pray that i'll be selfless for You from dis day on.
let me be a fool for You, my Comforter!
help me to stay focus,
till Your will is done in me.
not just in dis specific aspect,
but my whole life!
that i may please You,
and not get too excited and forget abt You again..
Merciful God and Father,
i want to worship You like no other.
simply because You're worthy of ALL praises!
Jehovah Jireh,
i'm assured that You'll provide.
just like how You'd spoken to me.
in Your own sweet time,
You make all things beautiful.
Thank You, my Counsellor!
for these revelations!
i praise You, and i thank You.
in Jesus' name,
i praise!
Amen!!