focus.

yet again,
i went for another run.
dis time a lot further..
i won't mention the distance,
but my lower body don't feel attached!

and as i was running on the track,
i was suddenly inspired again!
that when u look at the track in front of u,
just say abt, 5 metres ahead?

u tend to be able to be more focused,
hence, more motivated,
and less tired?
and i know why these symptoms.

simply because u're not bothered
by pple beside u,
behind or in front of u.
u're not bothered by things AROUND u.

so naturally or rather, theoretically.
u're like in ur own race!
and u just hafta complete what u set out to do.
and that's btw u and urself..

and when u actually finish the race,
or rather ur goal has been met.
when u look back,
u'll see the amazement of how much u covered,
with the minimal effort.

the feeling was amazing!
just u and God.
nothing else matters.
how pple think,
how pple disappoints,
what pple say or comment.

u know ur goal,
reach out for it.
coz u know u'll come out of it,
stronger!
and closer to God,
ur only Friend..

lessonsinlife.

some things just don't happen
the way u want it to be.
but all things will happen
the way it SHOULD be.

and if God allowed it to happen like that,
He'll not go ahead wif His plan and neglect u.
He'll nvr do that.

so in whatever things that happen,
even though not in YOUR way.
den learn the lesson that God's trying to teach.
even though its a tough lesson.
or rather, a painful one.

take heart!
because He hasn't forsaken u.
and He's doing something greater in your life.
far bigger than what u can see
from ur own naked perspective.

let disappointments be a tide,
and not an anchor.
let it tide u thru to greater depths,
and not ground u to the shallow waters.

Lord, only You know our hearts.
sometimes we ourselves don't even know,
where are we heading
or what are we getting ourselves into.
forgive me for running ahead of You,
and not trusting You again.
i guess now i've fallen,
and its wif a scar now.
but Lord, i know You haf better plans for me.
its hard to be motivated now,
but Father, i pray You'll teach me how.
help me curb my root problem,
before You allow anything to happen next.
because i want it to be God-centered,
and not emotions-filled.
Father, i ask all these in Your son's name.
Amen!

snoitome revo cigol.
dnim revo ydob.

Lord, help me.
Lord, please help me.

amazinGrace.

amazing grace,
how sweet the sound.
the voice,
i hold so dear..

amidst the storm,
the endless droughts.
and now,
the new oaks sprout..

the chains are gone,
i've been set free!
my Saviour's come,
and rescued me..

i thought i'd found,
but i was lost.
He showed Himself,
and He said, "come.."

as i ran toward Him,
my eyes in line with His.
filled with hurt and anger,
and relief at once.
my heart began to stir..

even if i'll stumble and fall,
i'll get up and run!
because i miss You so much,
my Father.

"where were You, when i fell.
where were You, when i shouted,
"have You forsaken me?"
where were You,
when i was hurting inside?"

and He said,
"i was with You all the while,
u were too far from Me, when u fell.
i got there, and u sped off again.
but today You'd stopped and waited.
u're scared and needed directions.
fear not from now,
my child.
i'll be here, with You from now.
You've held my hand,
and have since let go.
but now I'm holding Yours,
i'll make sure You won't go."

thank You, Abba!

gravedug.

to God be all praises!

though the truth was hard to swallow.
but i had to,
somehow or rather!
before i go into self-destruction..

for those of u who knows what's going on,
i've been reminded or revealed.
by the grace of God,
thru p!

a struggle, or issue
that seemed so familiar.
yet so raw..
its been growing in me like nvr before.

so bad that dis time,
i needed somebody else to tell me what exactly is wrong.
and i'm thankful for that,
really.

nothing before i get right wif myself first.
one yr, two yrs?
half yr, 3 months?
i don't know.

when God thinks i'm really ready.
He'll provide.
and that's for sure.
coz the way He speaks to pple.
its so amazing..

and the cool thing is dis,
no matter how hard u try to justify urself,
u'll get lost in ur own argument.
simply because He knows u better than urself!

and when we look back at how things went,
everything seemed to fall in place!
and on my side,
just so that He can let me see,
what is the real reason why
i'm still single!

not because i'm ugly,
or coz i can't sing as well as some.
or coz i'm not as well versed in the bible as some.
or coz i'm not smart enough.

but simply because i haven't learnt enough.
God had been warning me to go slow.
i chose to let my emotions get the better of me.
in the end,
i suffer the repercussions!

and the v fact that because of dis issue.
dis v specific issue that i just realised!
abt myself,
caused me to shut my mouth.

"what makes me think i deserve a gf now?"
"what makes me think i'm ready!"
"what makes me think i know who's right for me?"
"where's Jesus in the picture?"
"whose endorsement is it?"

Dear God,
i thank You wif all my heart dis day.
that You've awaken me.
You reminded me of myself,
so clearly that i've gotta admit dis time!
Father, what's next?
i ask that You'll help me,
not to run ahead of You.
help me overcome dis problem of mine,
WITH You.
O Lord,
i want to seek Your face, and not Your hands.
i want to know and love You for who You are,
and not what You can do for me.
Just like You've made me a selfless being,
i pray that i'll be selfless for You from dis day on.
let me be a fool for You, my Comforter!
help me to stay focus,
till Your will is done in me.
not just in dis specific aspect,
but my whole life!
that i may please You,
and not get too excited and forget abt You again..
Merciful God and Father,
i want to worship You like no other.
simply because You're worthy of ALL praises!
Jehovah Jireh,
i'm assured that You'll provide.
just like how You'd spoken to me.
in Your own sweet time,
You make all things beautiful.
Thank You, my Counsellor!
for these revelations!
i praise You, and i thank You.
in Jesus' name,
i praise!
Amen!!

timesofrefreshing.

many would agree wif me,
that coaches are slavedrivers!
coaches are pple who
don't understand how trainees feel.

coaches are unapproachable,
coaches are the dogs of mankind!
coaches set outrages demands!
coaches are just too much.

i met my coach today.
like any other,
he has a stern character
and pushes pple to their limits.

he told me quite a number of things.
some of which were hard to swallow.
but i had to admit they're all true..
the cold hard truth!

it's really hard to face him sometimes.
and i even choose not to see him.
choose to ignore him totally!
coz i felt that he doesn't understand me at all.

all he wants is HIS desired results.
HIS training program for me,
and how i'd fare in HIS tough regime.
whether i'd stand strong at the end of it.

how selfish, i thought.
i dreaded keeping to the regime.
each time i wake up,
it reminds me of the painful ordeal.

but today he told me,
"des, u know i know ur limits.
u know i'm experienced and understands ur struggles.
i'm here to train wif u,
just so that u can withstand the test!
the test of perseverance,
the test of focus.
i know ur limits,
and i know u can go further.
my plans are to prosper u,
and not to harm u.
i want to go thru dis wif u,
coz i love u too much to see u suffer.
but dear, it's necessary.
u'll come out of dis soon,
i'll be here wif u ALL THE WAY."

friends, i wanna share dis wif u.
my coach and friend btw.
Jesus Christ.
the Son of God!

and to u.
u, who's in pain or hurting.
and u feel that u're all alone in dis.
and blames God why all these must happen to u.

i wanna assure u,
u're not alone.
and u're going thru these,
just so that u may be stronger.

when u face a compulsory judgement before God.
He'll call u His friend,
and not a stranger.
or worst,
a friend who severed ties wif Him.

press on, my friend!
really, press on!
if u need somebody to talk to,
which i strongly advise.

find somebody whom u can be accountable to.
and share openly,
for u won't know how God can work thru that person!
allow God to speak to u today.

it's worth it!
really..
hang on!