mixedup.

some of u might know,
i had a rough 2 weeks.
don't hafta go thru the gritties here.
if u're really interested,
ask me!=)

but what haf i learnt from these?
i asked myself,
who's there, when i was alone?
who's there to ask me "how's my wk?"
who's there to say "c'mon des! endure!"

when head deep,
i know the ans,
"yeah, God's there."

but deep down in my heart,
do i really buy that thought?
do i really believe in Him?
i doubt it.

i guess spending my 1st 2 working wks in camp
serving my extra duties,
was painful, but worth it.

revealed my shallow faith,
and it showed what really drives me.
the motivation within me,
overpowering the "calling"
that God called me to be.

the selfish desires,
drowning what's to be of utmost importance.
i've sinned.

but i thank God truly,
for letting me haf the priviledge to book out dis wk.
that i can avail myself to serve
as a worship leader as planned.

and how shameful,
to be sensitive only when i'm on duty.
only when i'm forced to "be sensitive" to Him.

i guess dis 2 wks,
was God-planned.
specially for me,
to wake up to my senses..

it must be.
it must be..

Oh gracious Lord,
i thank You once again.
You've honoured your servant,
and pulled him back to the path.
without Your divine intervention,
i'll still be in my tattered dreams.
Father, i thank You.
You're all i need,
indeed..
in Jesus name'
i praise,
Amen!