self-jacked.

those who know me long enough,
or well enough, would know.
that desmond is a guy who needs consistency.
that desmond is always looking to 'sustain'..

you got me.
i am a tenacious spider
when it comes to perseverance.
i think its in me..

and whenever it comes to friendships,
whenever it comes to relationships.
i'll do whatever it takes
to keep it 'alive'.

more often than not,
the harder i hold on to it,
the more i lose.
i'll not go into that further.

so anyways,
as i was lying down on my bed last night.
the last few moments were spent praying,
and i found it so hard to focus!

haf you ever felt 'status-quo'?
where you're just tired of friendships?
where you're tired of talking or texting?
where you just wanna.. stay away?

i had that feeling last night.
and it makes me sad..
being the self-proclaimed ambassador of tenacity,
i lost it.

almost immediately, i psyched myself up
knowing that dis r/s wif God is not of dis world.
it should and shall not be bound by emotions,
nor controlled or determined by it..

and for the record,
i just finished 6 episodes of prison break.
whenever i closed my eyes,
images of the characters just dramatized.

i was very very disturbed by it,
its almost like porn.
you know what i'm saying?
its so.. tainted.

maybe because i know what a r/s wif God felt like,
and last night was nowhere like it.
i got so disgusted wif myself,
i slept, in regret.

for that, i hereby confirm,
that desmond hoo, shall abstain from prison break
with immediate effect.
and it shall be final and binding.

i've to say,
it is a discipline to maintain something so pure.
and if anything should block your sight of God,
be it movies, tv, computer, distracting friends.

remove it.

wif wisdom, the Holy Spirit discerns.
there will always be tuggings in your heart,
should it be guilty conscience or emotional distraught.
its up to you, to heed it.

pauline told me not too long ago,
God will not remove your heart's desire.
it is not God's fault to allow that desire,
it is your jurisdiction to honour God wif it.

we're human beings.
our favourite statement of case is
"but we're humans, its natural.."
think again.

do we honour God wif the choices we make?
i think the question shouldn't be
"why allow desires when we're not allowed it?"
but "how do i honour You wif these desires?"

everything happens for a reason,
but not everything happens our way.
is it only right,
for our reason to be honouring God?

for we always sing,
He deserves all praise and glory.
now its time,
to practice what we preach or sing..