discipline.

as i chauffeured my bro
to tuition.
under the merciless rain
in the eastern part of singapore.

the familiar joy on his chiseled face,
turned unfamiliar to me today.
the downward sloping eyes,
further carried his downcast spirit southwards.

as his elder brother,
i know when my baby brother is up to something.
and i too do know,
when he's really sad and dreadful from within..

he dreads tuition so much.
on a beautiful saturday afternoon,
took a turn for its worse when it started pouring.
that didn't help alleviate his blues in any sense..

slipping his cold feet into his tiny pair of sandals,
the black and grey textile of his footwear
personifies his mood
to a certain degree or extent that his older brother might see.

to keep him dry,
bearing in mind that i could still bathe when i return.
i sheltered him in the puny red brolly,
hoping that might make things a lil better for him.

as i drove down the street,
took a right into the shelter and dropped him off.
meticulously told him the directions,
off he went.

maybe as a pre-diagnosed paranoia schizophrenic,
i thought it might be more relieving
if i pop by the 'torture chamber'
to see if my lil bro is there in a piece..

scaling that flight of stairs,
thinking.
"if his sandals are there,
there won't be a need for me to go in."

to my horror,
as i stood at the doorstep.
there were at least 5 pairs of the same kind
my brother owned!

it must be some kind of a fashion statement
for the millennium babies.
i took no chances and popped in personally,
peeped through the window.

"alas."
he was sitting there.
fiddling his 'bakugen' pencil case restlessly,
with a glum on his 9 yr-old facial contours.

it hurts me quite a bit,
having to see him go through dis 'ordeal'.
i know how it feels,
only because i've been through that before..

suddenly it spoke to me so soundly.
the hurts, the pains, the dreads.
my Father feels them all,
only because He'd been through that, only worse.

all these bad emotions we feel,
the rejection, the dejection, the procrastination.
it is painful for us,
but somehow i feel its more painful to watch your loved one.

as i peered through the window,
i saw the dread of the 9 yr-old.
my baby brother in there,
seemingly suffering.

i felt like i would almost go tuition in his place.
to let him be 'free' while i 'suffer' for him..
coz i think that might be easier
than to see him go through that all alone.

all these hurts i'm feeling,
i'm comforted that my Father feels.
all these pain that i thought i went through,
are mandatory and beneficial for His kingdom's cause.

for the longest time now,
even in times of darkness like dis.
i will hang in there in my Father's presence,
coz it's my only place of solace.

a dying man need not wealth nor delicacies.
what he needs to stay alive,
is mainly and purely hope.
once that is gone, the life support's gone too.

my hope in men is gone.
my hope in hope is gone.
now my only hope,
is the hope i haf in Jesus..