hard heart.

it's strange,
i literally feel my heart hardening.

stuck.

i'm pretty stuck wif dis qn posted by ps aaron!

"Whatever cannot be proven scientifically cannot be true... Christians believe in God only because they want to believe. Is this true?"

it is tricky because faith and proof
seem to be correlated, although not causal.
seem to be essential to each other,
yet argued to be independent of each other..

can we truly say we can believe without any proof?
can faith be satiated purely based on unproven beliefs?
i know i can't,
and i know the disciples in the Gospel can't too..

so if christians are that adamant to their beliefs
simply because they're brought up wif christian teachings,
or mysteriously convicted to a happenstance.
den why for ages, scholars have been trying to prove christianity's validity?

so if validity is needed to prove credible,
can christianity or evangelism be based and depended
solely on the receivers' want to believe?
i would argue not.

oh! i think i'm getting the ans..
my ans to the question abovementioned,
would be no.
christians and non-christians need proof for beliefs!

because, firstly..
science cannot be used as the universal tool for truth.
it has been proven time and again,
that science is competent, but only to a degree.

if that basis is established wif reasons,
science therefore, cannot be given the power for polarizing truths.
secondly, it is obvious that christians are not mindless creatures,
who believe what our parents believe..

because if christians are like that,
den how do we explain the endless debates on
the validity of christian doctrines and history,
ranging from Jesus' existence to layman holy grail.

okay, maybe i might not haf the ans yet.
coz there is the other side of the argument,
where people are fed wif all the facts and reasonings they need,
but still chooses to not believe.

maybe its out of defiance,
or their personal ego issues.
but i can dare say,
for pple who choose not to believe are not looking for ans.

they're just merely challenging,
not seeking to be convinced.
however, there are still some who sincerely challenges,
to be convinced and believe wholeheartedly, convicted..

so is it prudent to draw a distinction between
belief (or blind faith) and belief (convinced through proof)?
i would guess not,
coz God didn't make us wif binary configuration.

we're not either 1, or 0.
neither are we fully emotional and illogical..
we're both.
and i'd say, it takes more than proof to prove.

friendship?

"What is the sign of a friend? Is it that when he tells you his secret sorrows? No. It is that he tells you his secret joys."

- Oswald Chambers.

how often do we go in prayer
to tell God how happy or thrilled we are?
sadly, as i reflect upon my own prayer life,
it is often heavy-laden and request-laden..

haf i also not treated God as a friend?
and what audacity do i haf,
to even lament that He doesn't answer,
or that i feel so far from Him.

often i allow the 'humane-plea' card to trump,
"i'm only human, i'm not ready, i don't know."
but haf i really seek God
and am truly interested in what He has to say?

i guess, maybe not.
simply because i was too caught up,
too messed up within that i'm almost impervious.
all these, just a maybe.

now that the Lord has made the first step,
it is only right, for me to reciprocate..
how easily and subtly haf i taken You for granted.
oh dear Lord, would You forgive me for i was foolish.

lost?

i don't know,
i don't know.
i really don't know.
i just wanna know..

dis was what one of the great minds said,
being versed in many aspects,
only to find out how little we know,
only to find out how much at times we thirst for answers.

ever felt like you've gotten all your answers,
yet at the same time,
felt like you don't know
or don't understand anything?

i rmb there was once in pri sch,
wif the answer key in hand,
i thought i conquered the world of the assessment book,
only to find out in dismay that i've known nothing at the end.

are answers sometimes really that needed?
if it was all that important,
why didn't God give us in the first instance,
so that we might excel, or so we might think we will..

and after all these,
i could only humbly say,
it was the process that is treasured,
not the end result.

and now i finally understood,
why are more marks allocated for workings in a math qn,
than the answer itself.
coz answers nvr change, its how we discover it..

choice.

many of us haf once in a while,
lamented that we've no choice
or that we're 'waiting' for God to make a way,
or waiting for God to give us second, or third confirmation..

and i was just wondering,
if God, like men, delay in His replies..
i would think not.
what is He up to then?

in the past,
i was taught that God's timing is perfect.
which is not wrong,
its just however, not the complete reasoning..

none of us here on the face of the earth
can say wif confidence
"i know exactly what God is thinking/planning"
so that itself proves that we know v little.

but think of it dis way,
if God's timing is perfect,
den would dis 'delay' be an action itself,
or is it just a passive 'wait'?

if you would,
give me a chance to let me explain my thoughts from here on.

each and every decision or answer we get,
is deliberated wif large intent and consideration..
and each decision we make upon listening,
requires IMMEDIATE obedience.

so if obedience were designed to be made immediately,
where does 'waiting' fit in?
isn't it an oxymoron to 'wait immediately',
or to ask for 2nd confirmation immediately?

a few pple once told me,
God often replies "yes, no, wait"
is the last option a mitigation plea from mankind?
just to buy us some time to digest the ans we don't wanna hear?

i agree that 'wait' might be a plausible option,
but that doesn't mean we hang on to it until it fulfills, does it?
if we hang on to it till it fulfills,
that technically leaves God wif 'yes' and 'wait'..

can God be framed in our options? no.
will God be framed in our options? no.
God is still sovereign and all-knowing,
whether we like the ans or not, obey immediately..

if you haf no peace to date dis girl, obey immediately.
if you haf no peace to pursue an education now, obey immediately.
once we obeyed, we move on and don't look back,
coz even if the ans was 'wait', the time will come.

so i guess it is prudent to say that for an ans like 'wait',
it is right to take it as a 'no', and move on..
until God says we're ready,
He'll once again put it back in our lives.

God will make a way
where there SEEMS to be no way.
He has alr made the way,
the onus is upon us to obey it..

painful, harsh, abrupt,
it is only right to obey.
not that a gf or an education is all important to God,
that He's making such a huge fuss abt it..

but it is our obedience that He's interested in.
it wasn't isaac that God was interested in,
it was abraham's faith and obedience
that God was interested in..