what is yours?

and so again, i was on the west-bound train to work.
clutching a book in my hands,
wif wondering eyes and thoughts,
i looked out of the window and pondered upon a particular thought.

some of you might know,
that come 1jan10,
i'll be jobless.
naturally, fiscal concerns arose.

"the Lord will provide in times of need,
in His perfect will and timing."
and as i was trying to be assured by that thought
something else interjected.

it seemingly sounded like a loud disclaimer:
"in His eyes, not yours."
wow. that struck me!
and then i began to follow the trail of my thoughts.

what if God provides,
and gave me a sucky job wif sucky management and pay?
will i be thankful?
will i even acknowledge that its a gift from Him?

and that disclaimer clarified who i really was within.
a term said a tad too many times since ytd,
"self-interest of selflessness".
in this regard, i could reckon it was my self-interest.

i rmb quite a long time ago,
i was conversing wif one of my non-christian friend.
and she said,
"what makes you think heaven is a nice place?"

"what makes you think that whatever God likes, i'll like?"
"what makes you think that whatever you think is nice,
i'd think its nice?"
so is heaven really a nice place? or are christians in denial?

den suddenly, a rainbow came to mind.
and i asked her in return,
"are there any things on dis earth that you'd find, nice?"
"are rainbows nice?"

she pondered for a while and said,
"who wouldn't think rainbows are nice?
it seems like each time a rainbow appears,
a miracle has just taken place."

"there you haf it." i replied in glee.
anything you can conceive that is nice on dis earth,
was preconceived by the same God who made the heavens.
sometimes, its just our rebellious nature to deny beauty."

likewise, i constantly questioned
"what if God's perfect plan isn't perfect for me?"
is it still perfect?
i'd say that is our problem, not His.

the question shouldn't be asked as the abovementioned,
instead it should read,
"why do i think of myself higher than God who IS perfect?"
do i love and trust Him enough?

after reading 2 more pages,
i got distracted by yet another thought..
a recollection of what a friend told me in the past,
"my parents rich, doesn't mean i'm rich what."

many times we often look at what we don't haf,
instead of what we already haf, right?
like in this case for example,
my friend's family is quite well to do.

living in a landed property wif a couple of cars,
fully-furnished crib,
a healthy family outlook
filled with joy and love and harmony.

but yet, lamenting the fact that his/her allowance are meager.
the inability to buy certain things due to his/her limited spending power.
how the traveling was nearby,
as opposed to his/her peers who travels to europe etc..

seemingly forgetting in totality,
the fact that he/she could come home to a beautiful environment,
the security and love splurged on him/her.
is he/she rich?

in my friend's eyes, maybe not.
but where he/she lives and wears,
are provided by the family
and not by his/her own ability.

like God assures us in His word,
that we might share in His glorious splendour.
whatever is His, is ours.
but to what extent do we believe that?

must we haf our nametag on every item,
in order for us to claim ownership over it?
to what extent would we go,
to pursue something that we could rightly say its ours?

are there things in our lives that belong to us,
even though we did not work for it?
it just belongs to us, coz of our birthright?
well at least for one, we've salvation given to us coz He called us..