blur vision.

each time i tell pple of my plans.
"oh, i'm thinking of applying to SMU Law"
their eyes widen,
almost all in disbelief.

honestly,
i can't help but feel disheartened.
what gave me the wildest idea
that i'm good enough for law sch.

though i'm all pumped up,
to finish my SAT study guide book!
and aiming high to at least get a 1480 for a score.
coz the minimum to get into SMU is 1400.

but each time i tell pple what i'm working as.
i feel ashamed.
i feel ashamed to tell them i'm working as a
Case Management Officer.

"woah! sounds big ar? how you get the job?"
they'd ask.
"oh, my friend's dad is the deputy chairman there."
"oh, no wonder.."

Lord, if i'm not good enough there.
why did you even put me there in the first place?
everything seem so nicely placed.
but each time i thought i could find some encouragements
in mere men.
but i get twice the discouragement.
Father, help me to look to You and not to men!
for it is really tiring to search and wait for answers.
i'm tired, Lord.
i'm tired of being led on,
only to realise that it was my own voice.
is law really for me?
if its not,
give me a clear sign, Lord.
haf mercy on me and give me a clear sign,
that even the blind can see,
the oblivious can tell.
Lord, i'm tired.
take my soul, Oh merciful God.
take my beaten soul with You.