worthy regrets.

have you ever taken your second chance for granted, third chance for granted, fourth chance for granted and yet not knowing that your fourth was your last.

- undisclosed source

so many times,
we're bogged down by our desires.
so many times,
we've no choice but to submit.

many times we'd think,
if only we knew dis was our last chance.
many times we'd hope,
if only i handled them better.

but i think for me,
the beauty of not knowing
is really to teach us a lesson
at full throttle.

we wouldn't learn as hard
if we knew and could adjust our gauge of effort.
we wouldn't learn anything
if we knew how it would exactly end.

dis morning as i pondered over a letter,
again from screwtape to wormwood.
as i was walking out of the mrt station,
there were a lot of thoughts that came..

one of which caught me thinking for quite a while,
and i dismissed it as a thought induced by the devil.
it is of such,
"the more i read, the more i know, the harder it gets."

sometimes i really wished i wasn't that inquisitive.
sometimes i really wished i'd just live life the way it is.
coz after reading so much, and consequently knowing more,
it makes it almost impossible to please God.

and just as i was on the verge of chucking that thought,
it suddenly dawned upon me.
"that is why i sent Jesus, my child.."
if i was at home, i'd kneel in repentance at once!

all these while,
i was actually trying to please God, to honour God
wif my own efforts!
reading and understanding in hope of improving.

all these knowledge are healthy,
but it backfires when we think we can do it on our own!
a child can enter the Kingdom of God
without having to behave like a priest on the outside!

if it took me so much reading and struggling
to know that at the end of the day,
wif my own human effort, its futile.
it is absolutely worth it!

God indeed speaks and teaches us
in ways that we're good yet weak at.
He is like a private driving instructor,
who knows my weakness and personalises the lessons accordingly!

church is like a class.
the teacher's attention is divided through 20+ students..
but the real learning is harnessed
when we revise on our own at home or wif a 1-on-1 tutor..

whereby likewise, our QT is like 1-on-1 tuition.
we read and practise what we learn in 'class' in our own lives.
and if given a chance,
we can 'present' our answers as testimonies and encouragements!

Lord, how amazing You are!
what a great full-time Teacher You are!
teaching us lessons that pierces through our depths,
and telling us of the truth..

i want to know You,
i want to know You more.
i want to touch You,
i want to touch You Lord