conviction.

after abstaining from it for a while,
in lieu of prison-break-epidemic..
i caught another movie tonight,
its called 'unfaithful'.

dis movie, i rmbed i watched it
on my 16th bday..
wif 2 other guy friends!
3rd sept 2002.

i rmb it so vividly because i rmb telling my friend,
"dis is so not NC-16!
that guy was like humping the girl
like a quarter of the time la!"

today i watched it again,
wif a different perspective.
and not sure why,
it wasn't as explicit as i rmbed it to be!

what overcame me dis time,
was the feeling of guilt,
and consequently, the deep desire for freedom.
whatever it takes for a clean slate..

the explicit scenes didn't get my attention dis time,
more of the whole plot.
and how guilt builds up,
and ultimately tears down a person..

after the show,
as i was brushing my teeth.
all of a sudden,
i was reminded of the cross!

do i really appreciate what Christ did for me?
am i really convicted that i need the cross?
what will it take for me to be convicted?
and how can i be convinced that i need Jesus to die for me?

the answer is dis,
only when you realise how much a sinner you are.
how 'dirty' you are,
how helpless you are.

in the show,
richard gere killed somebody.
and the desperate attempts to wash the blood away,
the futile scrubs of the stains!

such a beautiful reminder..
there's nothing we can do,
to be as clean as what Jesus did for us.
absolutely nothing.

we can scrub the wall stained wif blood,
but it'll only turn pink, den brown.
we can only chop off our hands,
to be cleaned from the blood odour and stain..

God knew all these,
coz He made it the way it is.
and He knows the consequences of sin,
as cold as a murder, death.

richard gere was filled wif so much guilt,
that he wanted to turn himself in.
could you imagine if the police told him,
"since you're so honest, the president gave you a pardon."

what would his life be like after that?
would he continue to commit crimes?
i don't think he'll even park without coupons!
much less, rob, or even murder.

i've heard so many times,
including myself.
every time i confess and repent,
it comes back again.

that was simply because
we weren't convinced that we're sinners.
we're too complacent wif the way things are now.
we take 2nd chances too lightly these days..

only when you know you committed something so wrong!
that you'll understand and appreciate
the beauty and need for forgiveness and grace!
we need that cross so badly, my friends..

Lord, thank You for the cross
the mighty cross.
that God Himself should die for
such as us..